CANCER, PAIN AND SUFFERING

with CHRIST

Written by

Betty Roby

CANCER, PAIN AND SUFFERING WITH CHRIST

Copyright © 2020 Betty Roby, Bangalore, India. To get copies contact : [email protected]

1st Edition Number of copies :

: 2020 100

Rs. 400/-

To Contact:

Betty Roby A–509, Brigade Altamont K. Narayanapura Road, Hennur, Kothanur, Bangalore – 560 077

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To the glory of the Lord Jesus Christ..... and in gratitude, for His favour and faithfulness. Lovingly dedicated to my husband, Roby and my children, Rhea and Sarah..... for their continued, unconditional support and love. Their patience and concern, gave me the strength to carry on and never give up.

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CONTENTS Part One: The First Journey 1.

The Beginning of the Journey .................................................... 9

2.

The first time .................................................................................. 11

3.

Ready to start ................................................................................ 14

4.

Challenging chemotherapy (Che–Moment) ................................ 17

5.

Bold to be bald ................................................................................ 21

6.

Precious promises........................................................................... 24

7.

Preparation for another journey .................................................... 37

8.

Sovereign God................................................................................. 30

9.

Prayer partners ................................................................................ 32

Part Two: The Second Journey 10. The second time ........................................................................... 37 11.

God’s will, not mine ................................................................... 40

12. DÉJÀ VU ........................................................................................ 44 13. Curses to blessings ...................................................................... 47 14. Forgiveness .................................................................................... 51 15. Abiding in Christ .......................................................................... 54 16. God’s comfort ................................................................................ 58 17. God’s grace ..................................................................................... 61 5

18. God’s peace .................................................................................... 64 19. God’s joy ......................................................................................... 67 20. Fearfully and wonderfully made .............................................. 71 21. One day at a time ......................................................................... 76 22. ‘Challenged’ but not ‘Troubled’ ............................................... 81 23. Quiet time .... Prayer time .......................................................... 86

Part Three : The Third Journey 24. All over again ................................................................................ 97 25. HIS grace is sufficient! ............................................................. 104 26. Pain and suffering ..................................................................... 112 27. Job’s suffering : Revelation of God ...................................... 145 28. Jesus’ suffering : Submission to God................................... 157 29. Paul’s suffering : For the glory of God................................. 190 30. Faith and Healing ...................................................................... 214 31. Cancer conquered..................................................................... 250

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MY JOURNEY

PART ONE THE FIRST JOURNEY

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CHAPTER 1

THE BEGINNING OF THE JOURNEY Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” It was August of 2008, at the age of thirty–eight, that my life changed for ever. It was two years since we had moved to Bangalore from Mumbai, and a year since I lost my mother to cancer. She had fought a valiant fight for six years, until, she succumbed to the dreaded disease leaving behind my father, brother and myself to cope with her loss. So, in 2008, I was still recovering from her loss and slowly settling in, to my new job as a teacher and also trying to find my bearing in a new place, after having been in the city of Mumbai for thirty–six years. So what changed in the month of August? I happened to chance upon a tiny lump in my right breast; during a process of self–examination which I used to do regularly after my mother was diagnosed with cancer. It was a step that I took to safeguard myself and to be aware of my health status, knowing that cancer could occur due to hereditary reasons. And the lump in the breast was not something that I was expecting. It was so tiny...the size of a marble...and painless....yet, it was there! As much as I didn’t want it to, it was real. I was in a state of complete shock and my mind raced to a quick prayer, ‘Lord, let this not happen’..... ‘Lord, please let it not happen to ME.’ My mind darted back and forth into the past and the future. I recollected all that my mother had experienced and I put myself in her place, and imagined, all that I would go through....if the cancer was for real. Though I didn’t know the status of the lump, I was already in tears, thinking about the dark future; that lay ahead of me. I confided in my husband, Roby, about what I had discovered and we decided to act on it quickly....that is, to get to a doctor at the earliest and

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Cancer, pain and suffering with Christ

to do what was necessary, instead of living each day in doubt or fear, or rather making our own assumptions about the situation. We consulted two doctors and both were of the opinion, that it was a cancerous lump, but only a biopsy could confirm that. We had not mentioned about this to any of our family members, because somewhere, deep inside my heart, I had the hope that things could be different....that we had worried for nothing. The wait until the reports were to come in, was a long one....and finally when it did...it was the devastating news, that I never wanted to hear. I had CANCER!! INFILTRATING DUCTAL CARCINOMA!! The cancer changed everything. My whole world collapsed around me and I could do nothing about it. I was so heartbroken and disheartened. The only person, I could turn to, during my perilous time, was God. I wanted so much for Him to take this situation away from me. But, I could never imagine, back then, what God was going to do in my life. He had a plan for me and that was going to play out, just as the way He had designed it all. I just had to trust Him on this.

CHAPTER 2

THE FIRST TIME Psalm 23:4 Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Things moved quickly after the diagnosis. We weren’t wasting much time. We were discussing and contemplating all the necessary steps that we had to take. We had shared the news with the family and our near ones. The pall of gloom at home was unmistakable! There were long calls and conversations, laced with sadness and grief at the impending trial that I had to face, and all that the family would have to go through. At the same time, words of comfort and encouragement were also spoken, quite often. We had to decide on many aspects–the doctor, the hospital, the treatment, the care and so much more. We prayed about where we could go for the best treatment and with inputs from a couple of family members and friends, we decided to go to the St. John’s Hospital, and meet Dr. Beliappa, the Radiologist at the Curie Cancer Centre, attached to the St. John’s Hospital. A first look at him, and I was so much at ease. Very patiently and meticulously, Dr. Beliappa guided us through, what I was in for, and what best could be done for me. I remember, visiting the Curie Centre, the first time and waiting outside Dr. Beliappa‘s room. The place just emanated sadness....the air was thick

with gloom and grief, as patients walked in and out of various rooms, and their dear ones accompanying them–all looking so crestfallen. I could sense a feeling of dread welling inside of me, as I thought to myself– ‘Why am I here? What am I doing here, in the midst of all of these people’? And the realisation dawned on me with a definite understanding and acknowledgement of the fact– I too, have CANCER– I too, am one among them.

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Cancer, pain and suffering with Christ

That’s when the reality of my situation hit me. The heaviness that settled within me was beyond explanation. Tears were welling up in my eyes, and as I tried very hard, to control them, the stinging tears clung to my eyes, wanting to escape in a stream, down my cheeks. I wanted to cry out loud, but I couldn’t. I prayed to the Lord, to strengthen me and help me tide through that situation. Dr. Beliappa suggested a lumpectomy, followed by radiation and chemotherapy as the treatment course, that I would have to take. He directed us to Dr. Suraj Manjunath, who was the Surgical Oncologist, who would operate and remove the lump. He exuded positivity and a calmness, that reassured us of the best treatment that I could get to tackle the cancer. We also had to know, what the cancer had done and how far, had it spread its deadly tentacles within my body. 5th of September, 2008 was the day, I had the lumpectomy. I was all set to embark on my first step towards, fighting the cancer. I had a lot of support from family and friends. My children were quite young then– Rhea, my older daughter was eleven, and Sarah, my younger one was seven. They didn’t understand, a whole lot, but Rhea realised that I had what her grandmother–my mother had. She asked me with tears in her eyes, “Mama, will you die like grandma died”? I held her tightly in an embrace, and said vehemently, “No, I will not. God is going to take care of everything.” But I really didn’t know how He was going to do that. Was I expecting a miracle? Yes, I was. I desperately needed one. But then, I thought, the miracle should have happened before the biopsy result came in...it should have read that there was no cancer. What about it now? I had heard and read about people, who in miraculous ways had come out of trying situations, like a cancer disappearing completely from the system or someone who couldn’t walk or move a limb being able to do so. Would that happen with me? A miracle? The cancer just disappearing from my system, leaving no trace of its presence? Oh, how I wished, that would happen. Sadly, that didn’t really happen. That wasn’t in God’s plan of things for me. The lumpectomy was a success. The surgeon had removed twelve lymph nodes too, as a precautionary measure. The samples were sent to the Histopathology Department for further testing. We had to wait for a few days, before the results were to come.

Part one – The first journey

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Finally, when they did come in, there was more clarity–Infiltrating Ductal Carcinoma–Grade1–HER2. The lymph nodes were all clear, unaffected by the malignant cells, which meant that, the cancer was restricted only to the breast. That was encouraging!! I thanked God profusely, for small mercies. During my follow–up check, after the lumpectomy, on meeting Dr. Manjunath, he said that I had a good chance of beating the cancer. I was waiting to hear him say that, ‘I am cured’, but I suppose, that is what no doctor would ever tell. They cannot. They will not. The reins of life are not in their hands. They can on medical grounds, make certain claims about one’s health condition, but they can never say with finality, that the cancer is gone; and one should not expect them to say so. Dr. Manjunath said, “Your enemy is small, but very powerful”, and that statement stayed with me for a long time. He assured me that early detection was the key to the cure. I had detected it early, therefore my prognosis was quite promising. That was reassuring!! The future was not so bleak after all. There was something to hope for. The treatment regimen was planned– thirty–three sessions of radiation, six cycles of chemotherapy and sixteen cycles of adjuvant chemotherapy with injection, Herceptin. I had a long way to go; and I was just starting my journey. I embarked on my journey, with the growing comfort that the Lord was with me, taking care of everything.

CHAPTER 3

READY TO START Psalm 91:11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways. I was gearing up for my treatment, which was to begin in a week’s time. Meanwhile, we did take a second opinion, before we were to start with the treatment. The biopsy sample that was preserved, was taken to the Tata Memorial Cancer Hospital, Mumbai. Further tests confirmed, what was already reported. The Oncologist there, agreed to the treatment regimen that I was to start with and suggested that, that was the best course of action. So far, so good! There was peace in my heart that, we were on the right track and everything was going to be fine. I started with the radiation treatment under the able guidance of Dr. Beliappa, Monday–Friday, for seven weeks. It did seem quite easy in the beginning, but as days passed by, things started getting difficult. Every time, I went for the three minutes of radiotherapy, I would lie on the table and pray to the Lord, that He would just reach out His hand and touch me and heal me. Radiotherapy, has a long–lasting impact on the bones in one’s body. I was to know that, a little after the treatment had started. The skin around the operated area had turned black and was peeling off, leaving painful festering sores. The ribs hurt and pained, even at the slightest touch and I found my teeth to be so brittle, that they chipped and broke, when I bit into any hard food. Oh, how I wanted the radiation to get over with. I was guided to take all the necessary care, while it was going on, and I thanked God every step of the way. There was a break of two weeks, after the radiotherapy was completed. It was the time, I needed, for my body to recuperate and to prepare for the arduous task that lay ahead....chemotherapy. When the doctors

Part one – The first journey

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were discussing the treatment regimen with us, there was was so much emphasis laid on chemotherapy, and one fact really stood out during the discussion....chemotherapy and its side–effects. I thought at that time, ‘what really scares people is not the cancer itself, but the long treatment regimen of chemotherapy that they have to go through’. I really thought that every person who goes through cancer, would be primarily concerned about one particular side–effect..... ‘the loss of hair’ or ‘Alopecia’. Was I concerned about it? Sure enough, I was. I imagined my bald head, and the way I looked....and it was disheartening! At the same time, I motivated myself to think positively about, how the treatment was going to help me survive.....rather live! Yes, I wanted to live. I wanted to be there for my children and be a part of their future and their growing up years. I just wanted to be there! I told myself that the chemotherapy was a way of making me better, and to endure it and all that it entails, would be the best way forward. I had started reading about chemotherapy, the dos and don’ts, the necessary steps that I had to take, to handle it best. I wanted to know, how best I could tackle the side–effects. Since I was teaching at that time, my doctor had suggested that I take a break during the chemotherapy that included six cycles, spanning over four months; after which I could resume teaching. The big question was, how do I face my students, with a bald head? That was going to be quite embarrassing! Awkward too! For them and undoubtedly for me. That’s when my doctor suggested, that I use a wig, as many other women did. The thought of a wig had never occurred to me, obviously because I had never thought that I would ever need one.

But, now I did and I went through all that was essential to acquire one. So now, I was ready....in a way, I must say....for the chemo.... Family and friends were praying fervently and earnestly for everything to go on smoothly. They were praying that I would have the strength to bear the side–effects of chemo and that I would be physically, mentally and emotionally strong. I was praying too... every moment of my waking hours, asking God to enable me to withstand the pain and discomfort, that I was to go through. There were times, when I was all by myself, lost in the thoughts of my future and feeling so anguished within myself. I used to cry, until I could cry no more. Yet, the next moment, I would pep myself up, by saying that I was going to be fine. I carried so many emotions