Praise For Love, Lust And Lemons “Shahzeen Shivdasani brilliantly encapsulates human tendencies, psyche and traits which come into play while dating, when in love or while just indulging in one-night frenzies from a woman’s point of view. This guide/book is an eye-opener for singles with rose-tinted glasses.” – Gita Hari, (Ex-Agony Aunt) “Be it about sex or the ex, Shahzeen tells it like it is. A helpful read if you need a friend to steer you safely through the rocky road of relationships” – Priya Pathiyan, Lifestyle Columnist “Being in love is beautiful, but it’s not always a bed of roses when the person with you isn’t into you. Shahzeen narrates how women skip self-realisation and fall prey to the trap thrown by not only men and society but by their perceptions as well. Love, Lust and Lemons is a go-to guide for all girls out there who want to overcome the perplexity of ongoing or foregone relationships.” – Palak Agarwal Sawhney, Yourstory.com

“A fantastic book that highlights every women’s journey. It’s like having a conversation with your special ones about love, heartbreaks, finding yourself and discovering much more in the process. This one is original and written with scoop of humour and power of reality!” – Priyadarshini Patwa, Features Editor, Entrepreneur.com

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Notion Press Old No. 38, New No. 6 McNichols Road, Chetpet Chennai - 600 031 First Published by Notion Press 2020 Copyright © Shahzeen Shivdasani 2020 All Rights Reserved. ISBN 978-1-64587-191-0 This book has been published with all efforts taken to make the material error-free after the consent of the author. However, the author and the publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause. While every effort has been made to avoid any mistake or omission, this publication is being sold on the condition and understanding that neither the author nor the publishers or printers would be liable in any manner to any person by reason of any mistake or omission in this publication or for any action taken or omitted to be taken or advice rendered or accepted on the basis of this work. For any defect in printing or binding the publishers will be liable only to replace the defective copy by another copy of this work then available.

Note To The Reader Examples in this book are fictitious and not based on specific people or exact events (Or, so I would have you believe). This book is dedicated to the people trying to navigate their way through the dating world while finding themselves completely lost and beyond frustrated. I am writing this book to let you know that on the road to finding your other half, most of the time, you end up finding something more valuable – you find yourself. So, through all the roller coasters, ice cream binging, overanalyzing text messages, bad dates and simply having to just let go sometimes, I hope that just like me, you realize… it might be worth it!

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Contents Chapter 1.................................................................................................13 Types Of Men You Shouldn’t Date! Chapter 2................................................................................................ 18 Society And Its Fear Of Spinsters Chapter 3................................................................................................ 22 How The Media Influences Our Perception Of True Love Chapter 4............................................................................................... 26 The Ex Factor – Different Types Of Ex-Boyfriends Chapter 5.................................................................................................31 Being Truly Happy With Yourself Chapter 6............................................................................................... 35 Love And Other Options Chapter 7................................................................................................ 39 Friends Before Lovers?

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Contents

Chapter 8............................................................................................... 43 Things You Only Learn In Your Late Twenties Chapter 9............................................................................................... 47 The Power Within – You Control Your Dating Life! Chapter 10............................................................................................. 50 The Past, The Future And The Light – Where Are You Truly Living? Chapter 11.............................................................................................. 54 How To Know You Can Truly Trust Your Partner Chapter 12.............................................................................................. 58 Signs Of An Unhealthy Relationship – #IfTheShoeDoesn’tFit Chapter 13.............................................................................................. 62 Does Age Matter? – Why Women Rethink Dating Men Their Age Chapter 14.............................................................................................66 The Difficulties Of Dating In A Metropolitan City Chapter 15.............................................................................................. 70 What A Man Looks For In A Woman Chapter 16............................................................................................. 74 Why You Shouldn’t Have To Fight For Real Connections

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Contents

Chapter 17.............................................................................................. 78 Why Real-Ass Women Finish Last Chapter 18............................................................................................. 82 Why People Stay In The Wrong Relationships Chapter 19.............................................................................................86 Is There A Right Time To Move On? Chapter 20.............................................................................................90 Love And The One Chapter 21..............................................................................................94 The Single Girl’s Guide To Valentine’s Day Chapter 22.............................................................................................98 The Thing About Drama – Eliminating Negativity Chapter 23........................................................................................... 101 Anxiety Brought Upon By Modern Dating Chapter 24...........................................................................................104 The Flip Switch – Another Dating Trend? Chapter 25........................................................................................... 107 Does Space In A Relationship Hold You Together Or Make You Drift Apart? Chapter 26........................................................................................... 110 Dating Tips You Should Keep In Mind If You Are Single 9

Contents

Chapter 27............................................................................................114 The Ghosting Phenomena Chapter 28........................................................................................... 118 Toxic Behavior To Avoid If You Want Your Relationship To Last Chapter 29........................................................................................... 123 Things You Shouldn’t Say Or Do On A First Date! Chapter 30........................................................................................... 127 How To Get Through A Breakup Chapter 31............................................................................................ 132 How To Get Guys To Approach You Chapter 32........................................................................................... 136 Are You Dating Or Hooking Up? – Translating The Colors In Between Chapter 33...........................................................................................140 Recognizing Chivalrous Men Chapter 34........................................................................................... 144 Things You Should Never Do To Keep A Man Interested Chapter 35...........................................................................................148 How To Deal With Being Cheated On

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Contents

Chapter 36........................................................................................... 152 Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex? Chapter 37........................................................................................... 156 Are Codependent Relationships Our Generation’s New Drug? Chapter 38...........................................................................................160 Signs That He Is Pulling Away From Your Relationship Chapter 39...........................................................................................164 Is The Guy You Are Seeing Already Taken? Chapter 40...........................................................................................169 Zombieing – Like We Need Any More Dating Trends? Chapter 41........................................................................................... 172 Breaking Up – The Right Way To Do It! Chapter 42........................................................................................... 176 Do We Channel Our Crazy By Cushioning? Chapter 43...........................................................................................180 Can Leaving Someone For Someone Else Lead To True Love? Chapter 44...........................................................................................184 Dating 101 – Are You Lowering Your Standards?

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Contents

Chapter 45...........................................................................................188 Are You The Reason You Are Unhappy? Chapter 46........................................................................................... 192 How To Go From Casual To Monogamous? #GirlsGuideToCommitment Chapter 47...........................................................................................196 How To Make A Clean Exit On A Terrible Date! Chapter 48...........................................................................................200 Are You Coming On Too Strong? Chapter 49...........................................................................................204 How He Keeps You Interested Without Having To Date You! Chapter 50...........................................................................................208 The Untouchables – How Society Labels Divorced Women! Chapter 51.............................................................................................211 Is The Person You’re Dating Right For You? Chapter 52........................................................................................... 214 Why Some Relationships Run Their Course Author’s Note......................................................................................... 219 Acknowledgments...................................................................................221

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Chapter 1

“The only guy that deserves you is the one who thinks he doesn’t.” – Anonymous

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Types Of Men You Shouldn’t Date! As single women, it can get difficult to figure out who is the right man for us. We go through endless amounts of breakups and confusion but never stop to think why or how we got there. Most of the reasons actually stem from dating the wrong type of men. But, how do we know who these men are or if we are in a relationship with someone who may not be right for us? Here is a list of the types of men you may need to stay away from: Mr. Self-Absorbed: Mr. Self-Absorbed is focused on himself and himself only. Yes, there will be some level of charm involved here because, let’s face it, if he is self-absorbed, he is obviously confident and thinks he has reason to be. However, these attributes will fade and fade quickly. The more time you invest in him, the more you will realize that he has been granted the gift of making you feel that he is really into you when he is really only into himself. He will never listen attentively, he will make every situation about himself and eventually, you will begin to think that he is not dating you but himself. So, to make your life easier, let him continue dating himself by getting out. Your time is precious. If you are going to add someone to your life, make sure they value your presence. 14

Types Of Men You Shouldn’t Date!

Mr. Arrogant: Mr. Arrogant will always make you think that he has a great amount of wisdom to bestow upon you and the world. This is actually the most irresistible quality about him. However, when you start dating him, this quality turns quickly into him constantly putting you down and making you feel like his opinion is the only opinion that matters. The thing about Mr. Arrogant is that he is actually not arrogant at all. He has mastered a way of camouflaging his insecurities by trying to make everyone around him think that he is unique. Remember, these are his insecurities. You do not need to date a parent figure. Neither do you need someone constantly criticizing you. You are a grown woman, and the only opinion that matters is yours! Mr. Commitment Phobia: This is what this one looks like. He strings you along for months and acts like your boyfriend; you go through phases of being extremely satisfied and then extremely frustrated, and yet, you get no commitment or real intimacy whatsoever. Some guys are honest about their commitment phobia, yet other guys will avoid giving you an answer altogether. Here’s where this one gets tricky. Nowadays, we label the guy that doesn’t give you an answer as “the player,” and we label the guy that strings you along while being honest as “the good soul.” Imagine if a person murdered someone, and we were less harsh on his or her punishment because he or she was honest about it. What about the part where he still committed the crime? Staying with you while knowing that you want more is still leading you on. However, this situation is not all his fault, but it is yours as well if you stay. When you are dealing with someone like this, understand that regardless of whether he 15

Shahzeen Shivdasani is a relationship writer with a significant presence and following on Facebook and Instagram. An alumnus of Northwestern University, USA, Shaz, as she is better known, has lived and travelled extensively in North America and the Middle East. In doing so, she has acquired a deep understanding of the nuances of human relationships in different cultures and countries. Now based in Mumbai, India, she has contributed articles for Maxim, Miss Malini and penned many thought-provoking write-ups on her blog, Avec Shaz. Love, Lust and Lemons is a compilation of all Shaz’s thoughts and written texts over the years. She believes it’s a book of hope and positivity that will take the reader across the minefield of relationships with humour and empathy.

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