© Parnika Agarwal 2021 All rights reserved All rights reserved by author. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without the prior permission of the author. Although every precaution has been taken to verify the accuracy of the information contained herein, the author and publisher assume no responsibility for any errors or omissions. No liability is assumed for damages that may result from the use of information contained within. First Published in December 2021 ISBN: 978-93-5472-151-9 Price: INR 220 BLUEROSE PUBLISHERS www.bluerosepublishers.com [email protected] +91 8882 898 898 Cover Design: Aveek Typographic Design: Jyoti Distributed by: BlueRose, Amazon, Flipkart

Self-Introduction I, Parnika Agarwal, have made a third compilation of my poems. I have taken a step ahead to explore a style of writing which has intrigued me as I grow. With this book, I am sharing the same poems I wrote, as a form of expressing my feelings and explorations of myself along with the people around me. I tried my best to do justice to my emotions and appeal. I hope you find some form of comfort while you read along the lines I wrote and cherish it. Enjoy reading!

Acknowledgements This book is dedicated to everyone who read it and all who have supported me for the same. I am extremely grateful to each.

Summary “To express yourself needs a reason, but expressing yourself is the reason.” ~Ai Weiwei The concept of expression is what I have tried to endorse by sharing this book. The title of this book ‘Blue of the flames’ holds a meaning of something hidden. Even though the blue part of a flame is at the bottom and hiding, it is still the warmest. Indicating what we hold beneath our hearts rather than the myself I show other people, is actually what our characteristics are all about. What is behind that mask is what makes you and it is beautiful. Often joy is what is embraced by those around us, not sorrow. Hence, I have written poems to appeal to that, and reach out to light of hope for the same. I don’t intend to know everything about such emotions, nor have I faced such situations to be aware of them in depth. But I still hope a few find the penned lines approachable and relatable. I have also tried to address a few issues growing in our society that I think should be addressed or various topics that catch my attention. Hope you enjoy reading!

Contents Stained Parchment ............................................... 1 Stained Parchment (Continued) ........................ 3 Just A Normal Day .............................................. 5 Fears Within ......................................................... 7 Would I... ............................................................... 8 Night And I ......................................................... 10 Night And I (Continued) .................................. 11 Unsaid Conversations ....................................... 12 Solitude ................................................................. 13 Meaningless Tears ............................................. 14 Unbalanced .......................................................... 16 Storm In A Sigh.................................................. 17 Dreams ................................................................. 18 Storm In The Silence......................................... 19 Farewell To The Normal ................................. 21 Foolish Race ........................................................ 23 “Are You Alright?” ............................................ 25 Rage ...................................................................... 27

Unanswered Wonderings ................................ 29 Innocence ............................................................ 31 Take A Breath .................................................... 33 Soar In The Sky ................................................. 34 White - Washed ................................................. 35 Light Beyond My Vision ................................. 36 Greetings To The Sun ..................................... 38 A Walk In The Idyll ......................................... 40

Stained Parchment Glooms commence to grope me, Slender claws grabbing onto my soul. My breaths begin to lose rhythm, Loosening on their calm. Willingly being grabbed into a dark abyss. Unfiltered sorrows conquer, Annexed my consciousness, Which was still lit with a small fire of hope that I chased. It burnt out. Tangled into strings that couldn’t be woven, Lines of morality begin to blur. “This is not me.” I claim to myself. Voices inside me get louder. Innocence. It decides to leave me as much as I try to hold on to it. It passed. Never asked for this unfamiliarity towards myself. 1

I blame the passing of time, But don’t hold the power to reverse it’s flowing tides, To have undone my mistakes. Regrets build up to the cunning that took hostage of me…

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Stained Parchment (Continued) Trying to conceal, The torturous needles piercing through the threads That connected me to myself. Sewn into a de-shaped piece of cloth Like clouds drifting and tearing apart in the sky, Hitting with thunderous flashes, My convictions flatten to a blank sheet. The grip of those smooth, warming palm creases I held onto, Sense like a rigid bark of a tree scraping along my pale arms. Pathetic foreboding imprinted in my vision, As if I was gifted a curse which I wanted to get rid of. Those visions ridicule me as I run away from them. Trapped whilst free, Hollering out tranquil cries, Strong desire to escape myself. 3

All I plead for, Is a genuine smile, in the near future. But deep down I keep questioning it.

4

Just A Normal Day Even though it’s just a normal day like any other, My heartbeats shoot briskly, I clench onto my chest It won’t stop aching. Even though I am just speaking, A rush of agitation flows within me, My fingers tremble in sweat; tensing up my knuckles. I grow fearful when there is nothing to be feared. Several smiles surround me, But I hurt myself making an attempt to afford one. The chores seem like a foolish race, Every second I pass dives into exhaustion. Tons of thoughts shoot and pile, I would be pleased to switch places with someone happy, As I have forgotten memories of happiness. 5

They had already faded away, Too bright to co-exist with me. Gradually I fear the shadows embedded in me, All emotions sink down to my stomach. But after all, It is just a normal day.

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Fears Within My regrets implode, Its echoes fill my ears. Grab onto the shoulder I spill my sorrows. As I get overwhelmed with apprehension, My heart rises in greed, Pleading in the hunger for warmth. Keep growing weak, Unable to resist the voices within me, Covert rage is what is left. Desperate to speak them out, But afraid the hand holding on, would leave, I know I won’t have the strength to bear that loss. I grab onto the hand even tighter, Suppress the screams of accusations, And walk with the fears within.

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