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INDI A

SINGAPORE

M A L AY S I A

Copyright © Ajayya Kumar, Praveen Parameswar 2022 All Rights Reserved. ISBN 979-8-88629-905-2 This book has been published with all efforts taken to make the material error-free after the consent of the author. However, the author and the publisher do not assume and hereby disclaim any liability to any party for any loss, damage, or disruption caused by errors or omissions, whether such errors or omissions result from negligence, accident, or any other cause. While every effort has been made to avoid any mistake or omission, this publication is being sold on the condition and understanding that neither the author nor the publishers or printers would be liable in any manner to any person by reason of any mistake or omission in this publication or for any action taken or omitted to be taken or advice rendered or accepted on the basis of this work. For any defect in printing or binding the publishers will be liable only to replace the defective copy by another copy of this work then available.

Contents Preface

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Chapter 1 Be a Parent of the Present Understand Your Child Advocate Self-care and Build Self-esteem Instil Essential Skill Sets Be a Good Listener, Gain their Trust Know their Spirit and Kindle their Passion Develop a Growth Mindset Nurture their Mental Health Provide Positive Affirmations Dealing with Tantrums Allow them to Follow their Dreams

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Chapter 2 Be a Successful Parent

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Chapter 3 Parenting Styles Ideal/Authoritative Parenting Dominant/Authoritarian Parenting Easy Go/Permissive Parenting Attachment Parenting Uninvolved/Dismissive Parenting

42 46 48 50 52 54

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Chapter 4 Be A Forever Parent Develop an Organized Lifestyle and Spend Quality Time with Children Form Strong Attachments and Prioritize Communication and Listening Understand the World Around and Shape Your Child’s Upbringing Accordingly Help Them Distinguish Right from Wrong Identify Their Strengths and Nurture Their Progress Recognize Their Struggles and Hold Them Up Strike a Balance and Guide Them to Succeed Validating Their Emotions and Helping them Adapt Understand Your Child and Develop Your Parenting Style Suitably Elements of Good Parenting Application of Grid Model in Parenting Chapter 5 Role of Parents in Education Traditional Schooling and Homeschooling Experiential Learning Effective Use of E-learning Materials Remote Learning or Distance Learning Blended Learning Exposure to Indoor-outdoor Activities Identify the Mode of Learning Life Skills and Soft Skills The Parent-Teacher-Student Triad Motivation and Value Enriched Learning Understanding the Society

61 62 63 65 66 67 68 70 72 74 76 79 82 83 85 90 91 92 93 95 96 101 104 106

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Chapter 6 Redefining the Parental Role by Supporting Your Child’s Vision Positive Perception The Four S’s of Oneself Creative Thinking and Broadening the Horizons of Imagination Erase the NOs and Hail the YESs Face the Fears and Jump the Hurdles For a Greener Tomorrow Set Goals and have Aims Critical Thinking Work Hard and Achieve More Be Future-ready

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109 110 111 113 115 116 117 119 121 123 125

Chapter 7 The ‘Cat’ Syndrome: Personal, Social and Professional Life 127 Role of Parents in the Personal, Developmental, Social and Professional Life of Children 134 Chapter 8 Parental Role in Career Development Knowledge about Various Careers Identifying the Right Career Path for Your Child Weighing the Career Options Best Institutions Skills and Competencies Future Career Prospects Remuneration Supporting them in Career Decisions Discover their Interest Areas Factors Influencing Career Decisions

145 146 147 149 150 150 151 151 151 152 156

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Chapter 9 Parenting Milestones Physical Development Intellectual Development Social Development Emotional Development Moral Development Language Development

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Chapter 10 The Rescue Code

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Chapter 11 Conclusion

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Preface Research at the University of Derby has revealed that 76% of children in the UK turn to their parents for support when they take important decisions in life such as education and career. Unlike the common perception that children of the new generation do not listen to parents, recent studies and statistics indicate an increased involvement of parents in the affairs of their children in the modern world. In the eastern part of the world, the literature and statistics quoted above would definitely be on a higher side. Experts believe that the increasing chaos and ambiguity in the world around them would influence children to seek more support from their parents. Financial uncertainty would also be a factor that catalyzes this shift. But the major question in this scenario will be the ability of parents to support their children in a prudent manner. The art of guiding children to success is still not clear for a large majority of parents. As parents do not receive any sort of training or mentoring to execute their role as a ‘parent,’ they are confused or clueless about managing children properly. This inability leads to several missteps 7

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and wrong decisions that badly affect the future of the children. Moreover, the eastern world is currently experiencing a trend wherein parents are increasingly withdrawing their hold on their children with a view that they want to minimize their involvement in their child’s life and wish to let the child figure out his/her own way of living. This adds more fuel to the above problem since at this stage it is believed that the children are already inefficient and trying to evade responsibility too. The authors are of the view that these shortcomings must be addressed. Studies reveal that children largely demand the involvement of their parents in shaping their lives. Parents must equip them with the right skills and function as their guides or mentors. This book, spread across 10 chapters, is an attempt to delve deep into the process of parenting. It explores the mindset of children, their line of thinking, psychology, and their approach toward the future. It also provides parents with suggestions on the most suitable way to manage their children to help them achieve success in their lives. Chapter 1 of the book takes the readers through the present-day mindset of children, their thoughts and preferences. The chapter also tries to articulate the importance of a parent being a parent of the present by quoting situations and concepts from legendary thinkers. If the first chapter calls for ‘being a parent of the present,’ Chapter 2 presents the right methods to be adopted by each parent to become successful in their

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role. It explains the points through short stories, easy-tounderstand concepts and analogies. Moving from there, Chapter 3 introduces the various parenting styles. This would help parents reflect on where they stand, what are their current styles of parenting, pitfalls (if any) and suggestions to bridge the gap. This is followed by another rich chapter that explains the requirement of being a ‘forever parent’ or continued parenting. It argues the need to keep parenting as a continuing initiative. It also talks about the reasons that make it important to spend time with children. The uniqueness of this chapter is that the authors have attempted to use the concept of GRID, which is famous in the corporate world, in parenting. This is the first time that such an attempt has been made by any author. From here, the book navigates to the role of parents in planning the education and careers of their children. It talks in detail about different styles of learning, the importance of knowing a child’s learning style and tuning their learning accordingly, and methods to immerse them well into digital and self-learning as well as the possible steps to enhance 21st-century skills in children. Chapter 6 is mostly about ‘Future Planning.’ It talks about helping children to craft their own vision, and make plans to achieve the vision along with the approach parents should adopt to support them in achieving the vision. It attempts to articulate the fact that the parents have to play the role of a future mentor or lifologist in the life of children.

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In Chapter 7, the authors talk more about developing the social skills, learning abilities and global outlook of children. This part of the book explains the practical methods parents can adopt to support children in their social growth. Chapter 8 focuses on career planning for children. The importance of finding the aptitude of the children during their younger age, the use of psychometric assessments, and lifological coaching methods are well presented in this chapter. After going through the chapter, parents will gain an understanding of how to help children plan their careers in this complex world. Chapter 9 presents the idea of parenting milestones. This segment clearly explains the ‘What’ and ‘When’ of parenting. Reading this chapter would provide the readers with clarity on creating a comprehensive action plan for parenting. Through these comprehensive chapters, the authors seek to present a complete ‘handbook’ for parents to use as a master manual during their interaction with children. Following the points indicated in the handbook will help each reader to transform themselves into a ‘Mindful Parent’ who guides their children to succeed in life.

Chapter 1

Be a Parent of the Present “Mum, pass me my tab.” “Dad, can you open a new tab and search.” “Dad, can you keep a tab on my assignments for me.” “Mum, can you get my tabs for headache on your way back.” Wow! So many ‘tabs’! And yes, you as a parent should know what exactly each ‘tab’ stands for every time they say it. The vocabulary set of today’s youth and children is highly influenced by the times they are living in, the technology they are using and the media they are surrounded by. Their behaviour and mannerisms have changed with the changing times and to understand your children better you have to ‘Be a Parent of the Present.’ Develop a successful parenting style from your own everyday experiences and couple it with a greater understanding of several parenting styles, success stories, skills, competencies and relevant observations. Always remember to add something novel to your parenting style or strategy each time you learn something new. Every child is unique and has a personality of his/ her own. Hence the parent must identify and nurture their child’s talents and passions. So each parent has to 11

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develop and follow a style of his/her own to ensure the best outcomes for their child. The famous Edison Industries burned down on the night of December 9, 1914. The factory belonged to the famous scientist Thomas Alva Edison. On that fateful day, everything that he had created burned down. When his son saw this, he ran toward his father. Edison asked him to call his mother. According to him, it was a unique sight and he didn’t want his wife to miss it. The next day while walking through the rubble of the burned-down building he told his son, “There is something good that has come out of this disaster. All our limitations are destroyed in the fire and now we get a chance to start everything from the beginning. We should thank God for that.” How many of you would show such tremendous optimism in the face of such a devastating disaster? And how many of you would be able to give such a great life lesson to your children? Parenting is all about instilling skillsets and value systems in your children at the initial stage itself so that they will eventually grow up to be productive citizens and assets to society and the nation. All of you would really wish to pass the parenting test with flying colours but not many of you would take the pains to find better ways to improve your parenting skills and apply them in your life as a parent. A small setback is enough to destroy your confidence and you lose the courage to move forward. You then lose hope and try to find ways to justify your failures. But whenever you face a setback if you could analyse it with an open mind, the situation will seem totally different.

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You are definitely going to make some mistakes as parents. The best way to deal with such situations is to be calm and confident in the ways you deal with your child and to also learn from your mistakes. Never repeat them. Always remember the old saying ‘Where there is a will, there is a way.’ Here are some strategies to develop a parenting style that can lead to your own success stories.

Understand Your Child As parents, you worry about understanding your children and identifying their areas of passion and underlying skill sets or talents. You should not approach your children with the attitude that they are smaller versions of yourselves. They are different. They are little but they grow up to be their own selves with a unique set of cognitive skills, affective domains and psychomotor abilities. The best way to understand your child is through observation. Participate in a simple game or task with your child, and do it at their pace and energy level. Do not rush or hurry them. Also, try various creative and challenging activities that can help you unravel their hidden talents and passions. Friedrich Nietzsche once said, “By losing your goal, you have lost your way.” As parents, you must have a clear vision and mission in your mind when you are dealing with your children. The first step to creating such a vision is understanding your child. If you have the foresight and intelligence to see what your child is thinking and what their needs are, then your job is half done.

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Advocate Self-care and Build Self-esteem Help your children realize their own potential. Above all, help them recognize the need for self-care and self-esteem. A child needs to learn to love and respect himself, his appearance, qualities and talents. Only then can he see the importance of nurturing the physical and mental needs and skills required to succeed in life. Self-esteem and self-actualization were considered the highest priorities within Abraham Maslow’s ‘Hierarchy of needs.’ He says, “Once one has some measure of self-esteem and confidence, one gains the psychological freedom to be creative and to grow as well as to be more generous to others.” Thus take time to sit with your child and create their yearly learning goals and bucket lists. Ask them to develop the habit of expressing themselves, their ideas, emotions and thoughts. When the child learns to love himself /herself, only then will he/she be able to love and respect everyone around him/her. Colonel Harland Sanders was fired from many jobs before he started serving customers his fried chicken in a small roadside gas station. This was during the 1930s, the time of the Great Depression. Times were very hard. Over 10 years, the Colonel perfected his secret recipe for fried chicken. But fate was against him and he was forced to stop his restaurant due to some unforeseeable circumstances. He didn’t lose hope and travelled around the country looking for partners and restaurants who could invest in his fried chicken business. He was

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rejected more than 1000 times before he got a partner. Now the franchise has grown with more than 1000 shops all over the world and is famously called KFC or Kentucky Fried Chicken. Colonel Sanders never lost his self-esteem. He had an innovative mindset which drove his passion and he succeeded. You must raise your children to be like Colonel Sanders who never broke under pressure and was passionate enough to convert his ideas into great successes.

Instil Essential Skill Sets According to James Baldwin, “Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have never failed to imitate them.” Every child has innate talents and passions. Along with these, if a child wishes to achieve success, he/she must acquire the necessary skills to succeed in life. In the present society, skills have a predominant role to play in the success of an individual, both in his/her career as well as in life itself. These necessary skills should be developed and attained from an early age and nurtured throughout his/her growth and development cycle. Both soft skills and life skills are essential to succeed. The World Health Organization (WHO) defines life skills as ‘abilities that help us to adapt and behave positively so that we can deal effectively with the challenges of everyday life.’ So life skills are essential for a child to face the hardships in life’s journey and to move forward in life. Soft skills, on the other hand, guide them through each of their tasks and help them finally attain their goal.

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his book speaks about how parents should be updated according to the current scenario. This will help them to relate more with their children and be a part of their daily life. It also elaborates on the various parenting styles and how they play a major role in each and every aspect of their child’s life. This book is perfect for new parents or parents who are looking to make small changes to their parenting techniques and be better mentors. It is the perfect tool to master the art and science of parenting. Ajayya Kumar, or Ajay as he is fondly called, is a man who wears many hats. He is an ethical investor, management thinker, startup mentor, business advisor, art enthusiast, TED speaker, and author. Born in Cherpu in the Thrissur district of Kerala, he is the youngest among the four children of A.M.N. Nair, a Hindi scholar, and Bharathy Menon, a Maths teacher. He is the COO of Emircom, an ICT Integrator company based in the GCC. Ajay is passionate about business, films, art, and culture. He is the Founder and Chief Curator of Sarvamangala Arts Initiative/Sarvamangala Trust, a cultural foundation making conscious interventions in the field of art, culture and cinema through curated events, fundraisers, film production, and services to the artist community. Ajay now lives in Abu Dhabi with his wife Rakhi Menon and two daughters, Aparna and Jahnavi. Ajay has won many accolades for his work, CSR activities and contributions to society and has been recently conferred with the Global Asian of the Year 2021-22 Award by AsiaOne Magazine. Ajay has co-authored 2 books, Lessons from 21 films for the 21st Century Entrepreneurs and Formula-G. https://www.beingajay.com/ Praveen Parameswar is an Entrepreneur, Organization Development (OD) strategist, Career Development Expert, Lifologist, and researcher in ‘Human Behaviour.’ For nearly 2 decades, Praveen has been assisting people and organizations in achieving meaningful success. He is the CEO of Lifology, the Guinness World Record Winning Ed-tech company which works with a mission to make people Future Ready. Praveen is a TEDx speaker, and has published several articles related to social and life-related issues in many famous publications such as The Hindu, Times of India, Indian Express and so on, which have been widely appreciated. He is featured on premium magazines such as the Forbes and Fortune. His first book ‘Thinking Beyond the Paradigms-Debunking 10 myths in Youth’, was a best seller and inf luential among the youth. He is a panel member for many national channels such as NDTV, Headlines Today, and Times Now. Price 205