NYAH DAVIS

The Day We Died

First published by Honeycomb Publishing 2021 Copyright © 2021 by Nyah Davis All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission. This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author’s imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental. Nyah Davis asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work. Designations used by companies to distinguish their products are often claimed as trademarks. All brand names and product names used in this book and on its cover are trade names, service marks, trademarks and registered trademarks of their respective owners. The publishers and the book are not associated with any product or vendor mentioned in this book. None of the companies referenced within the book have endorsed the book. First edition Illustration by Jessica Ferriss This book was professionally typeset on Reedsy. Find out more at reedsy.com

Contents Acknowledgement 1

Ariel

iv 1

2 Riley

4

3 Ariel

8

4 Riley

11

5 Ariel

13

Acknowledgement

Thank you to everyone in my life who made writing this short story possible. And a very special thanks to my best friend Jessica who illustrated the front cover. You’ve always given me so much without expecting anything back. Love you millions.

iv

1

Ariel

The day of Ariel’s death Ariel had always thought that car crashes happened quickly, that it was over in a moment, that the people involved wouldn’t even realise what was going on. But everything seemed to move so slowly. Riley was talking to Ariel about her lecture; she had chosen to take a master’s in English Literature, and it was her first day back at university. She had been telling her about her new professor when Ariel saw the headlights. She watched as the car hurtled towards them, her ears filled with the sound of her girlfriend’s screams and the blaring of a car horn. She slammed on her brakes, gripping the wheel hard enough to leave a dent. The next few seconds felt like hours, it was like her life was a movie that kept lagging, like someone had taken the remote and pressed pause. They say when you’re about to die, you see your life flash before your eyes, that you remember everything you’ve ever done, everything you’ve ever been. But Ariel didn’t see any of 1

THE DAY WE DIED

that. All she could think about was Riley, about how she was so good, about how didn’t deserve this. She hoped that Riley would make it out safe. * When Ariel woke, it was to the sound of Riley crying. She hated it when her girlfriend cried. Why was she crying like that? She reached out her hand, grabbing hold of Riley’s and squeezing it gently. ‘You’re going to be alright,’ Riley chanted, over and over again, ‘just keep holding my hand. It’s going to be okay.’ She tried to ask why Riley was so upset, wanting to comfort her, make her feel better, fix it like she always did, but all that came out was garbled noises. Why couldn’t she talk? Riley shushed her, brushing the hair away from her face. ‘Don’t try to speak. Just keep hold of my hand,’ she begged, her voice high and strangled. ‘You’ll be alright.’ She was so tired. She wanted to sleep. ‘Don’t close your eyes, don’t let go. Please Ariel, you can’t leave me.’ Why wouldn’t she let her sleep? It was like her body was floating in the ocean, the current dragging her further and further away from the shore. ‘Promise me you won’t leave me, promise me!’ Riley sobbed, ‘please, you can’t go.’ Despite the seaweed that wrapped around her ankles, slowly pulling her under, she managed to nod her head slightly, squeez2

ARIEL

ing Riley’s hand again.

She couldn’t leave, not when her

girlfriend looked so broken, not when she was begging her to stay. She’d stay by Riley’s side, for as long as she needed her to. She closed her eyes, letting herself get tugged deep under, into the waters below.

3

2

Riley

13 days since Ariel’s death Riley sat curled up in a ball at the edge of her parents’ sofa with her favourite fluffy blanket thrown over her legs. She was clutching a mug of hot tea, pressing her fingers firmly against it just to feel them burn. She had been doing things like that a lot these days; sinking her teeth into her bottom lip until it bled, digging her fingernails into her arms hard enough to make her eyes water, and having scalding showers that turned her skin pink and itchy. Her eyes were glued to the T.V in front of her, although she couldn’t focus on it. It sounded muffled to her ears - echoey and distant - and the screen looked blurry. She wasn’t sure how long she had been sat there for, whether it had been minutes or hours. Time passed weirdly now. ‘Want me to put on another one?’ Charlotte asked, coming to sit beside her. Riley blinked at her older sister, trying to piece together her words. This had been happening a lot too, it was like her brain 4

RILEY

had been replaced by fog. Her head felt cloudy. Sentences and thoughts got lost in the haze, and she couldn’t seem to grab onto them and pin them down, no matter how hard she tried. It was like waking up in the early mornings; when you’re not asleep anymore, but not quite awake yet either. Those moments in between, when you’re not sure what’s real and what’s a dream. When everything is slow and fuzzy. ‘What do you mean?’ she replied, starring pointedly at the teabag drifting in her mug. She couldn’t bring herself to look at her sister’s face, because she knew exactly what she’d see. Her thin lips pulled downwards into a frown, her eyebrows drawn together, and something akin to pity swimming through her brown eyes. Ariel’s eyes were brown. It was the first thing Riley had noticed when they met. Riley had always struggled to make eye contact with strangers, it felt too awkward, too uncomfortable, and she was scared that they would hate what they saw. But when Ariel had approached Riley and introduced herself, Riley had been unable to look anywhere else. They were the same colour as the autumn leaves that had blanketed the ground; chestnut-brown, but filled with flickers of red and gold and green and orange. ‘A movie Ri,’ Charlotte tried again, her voice much quieter this time, softer. She reached out a hesitant hand, as if trying not to frighten an injured animal, and placed it gently on Riley’s shoulder. Ever since Ariel had gone, everyone treated Riley differently. They were all so careful, like they were afraid even a gust of wind would knock her over, like any second now she was going to shatter into a million pieces. Maybe they were right. Maybe it was only a matter of time before she broke, and no amount of re-building would ever get her back to how she was 5

THE DAY WE DIED

before. Charlotte cleared her throat, squeezing Riley’s shoulder slightly. ‘Do you want me to find a different one for you to watch? Peter Pan’s just finished.’ Had it finished already? Riley could have sworn she had just put it on. Ariel loved Peter Pan. It was one of her favourite films. ‘Riley?’ Riley nodded her head, moving her lips into what she hoped was a reassuring smile. ‘Yeah, sure. Go ahead.’ Charlotte smiled back, the crease on her forehead lessening slightly, and climbed off of the sofa, kneeling beside the T.V. She looked through the DVDs piled on top of the coffee table, before pulling out Black Panther. ‘What about this one?’ Riley felt her throat close up. She placed her mug on the floor, sitting on her hands to stop them from shaking. ‘Sounds good.’ ‘Do you remember when we saw this in the cinema with Ariel?’ Charlotte asked, placing the disk into the DVD player. ‘And she spilt her coke all over that guy? He was so mad.’ She laughed quietly, looking at the case with a small grin. Riley tried to laugh too, but it sounded weird. It was too forced, too distant. It felt wrong to laugh when she wasn’t there to join in. It felt wrong to talk about her with a smile, like she had been dead for years, like they hadn’t moved into their new apartment only a few months ago. ‘Yeah, I do.’ Charlotte’s grin vanished when she looked up at Riley, her face crumpling. 6

RILEY

‘No Ri, don’t cry, I’m sorry.’ Riley patted her cheeks, surprised to find them wet. She didn’t think that it was possible for her to cry anymore. She thought that her eyes must have dried up by now, that her tear ducts had shriveled, that there wasn’t anymore liquid left inside of her body. Charlotte jumped up from the floor and wrapped her arms around her, brushing her hands through her curls. ‘You’re going to be okay,’ she whispered. People had been telling her that a lot. She wasn’t so sure.

7

3

Ariel

346 days since Ariel’s death Ariel stood beside Riley, watching as she knelt down and placed flowers in front of her gravestone. They were white lilies, Ariel’s favourite. Riley had been coming here a lot lately, sometimes with Charlotte and her parents, but mostly by herself. In the beginning, she didn’t come at all. Despite everyone telling her that it would be good for her, that it would honour Ariel’s memory, she still refused, even when it was their four-year anniversary. But Ariel understood. She knew that it was difficult for Riley to accept that she was gone. Ariel had been there, through all the breakdowns and therapy sessions, the sleepless nights and panic attacks. Not that Riley saw her, of course. No one did. But she had been doing a lot better now, Ariel thought. She had gone back to university, returned to her part-time job, was able to laugh again. She looked brighter. The dark smudges under her eyes were 8

ARIEL

gone, the colour had returned to her face, and her ribs didn’t stick out as much as they used to. She no longer curled in on herself, as if she were trying to disappear. Instead, she stood upright and walked more confidently, like the weight of her grief had started to lessen. She talked to Ariel now, too. When she visited her grave she would talk for hours, telling her about university, their friends, new movies that had come out. Ariel liked it when she talked to her like that, like everything was normal, like Ariel was still there. ‘Happy birthday,’ Riley whispered, placing her hand on her headstone. ‘We bought you some flowers. We also bought you a chocolate cake which we’re going to light later, the big one that we got you last year.’ Oh, that’s right. It was her twenty-third birthday. ‘At least I’ll actually get a piece this time,’ Liam sniffed, coming up behind Riley. ‘Last year she ate the whole thing.’ Ariel couldn’t help but think how much older her brother looked. It hadn’t even been a year, yet he had gotten so tall, and his voice had gotten so deep. He had matured a lot since she died. He was kinder; he took care of their parents when they were too overcome by grief to do it themselves. He had been through so much, for someone so young. He was only sixteen. Riley stood up, ruffling Liam’s hair and pulling him in for a hug. Ariel’s parents made their way towards the two, wrapping their arms around them as well. Ariel ached. She wanted to be a part of it, to hold them, her family, and be held back. She wanted to be swallowed up whole by their warmth, to feel the heaviness of their love engulf her. But she was dead, and not even their love was strong enough to bring her back. 9

THE DAY WE DIED

‘Are you okay?’ her mother asked Riley, pressing a kiss to her hairline. Riley nodded, turning to Ariel’s gravestone with a sad smile. She looked straight through her. ‘I’m learning to be.’

10

4

Riley

1460 days since Ariel’s death Riley sat on the bench where they first met, in the same spot as she had almost eight years ago. Today marked the four-year anniversary of Ariel’s death. It was strange, she thought, that so much had changed, yet this park looked exactly the same as it did back then. The path, long and straight, was coated in a carpet of autumn leaves, with tall trees planted on either side of it. The trees curled towards each other like fingers, blocking out the grey sky. Ariel had approached her first that day, asking if she could sit next to her. She explained that she was studying fine art at their university, and had seen Riley around campus. Riley had found herself inching closer towards Ariel as they talked, like she was being pulled in. When the breeze started to pick up and it got too cold for them to stay there, Ariel asked if Riley wanted to get a coffee with her. Riley would have said yes to anything if it meant spending more time with her. 11

THE DAY WE DIED

She couldn’t believe that it had been so long since then. The wound created from Ariel’s death had healed now; a thick scar across her chest where her heart was. It was still painful, of course, but the pain was no longer excruciating, leaving her unable to move and think, unable to find joy in anything. It was easier to live with, gentler. She was happy, and she knew that’s all Ariel had ever wanted for her. ‘Ready to leave?’ Emily asked, returning from the cafe with two cups of tea. ‘Yeah,’ Riley replied, standing up to place a soft kiss on her lips. ‘Yeah, I am. Where to next?’

12

5

Ariel

1460 days since Ariel’s death It had been getting harder for Ariel to stay. She knew that she was fading, that her flame had been flickering for a while now, that it had almost completely burnt out. She watched with a smile as Riley pulled her girlfriend down for a kiss. She no longer needed her. She looked down at where her hand was clutching Riley’s, her fingers wrapped tightly around the others. She let go.

13