INTRODUCTION Right peg into a wrong hole can never have perfect peace. Many relationships should not lead to courtships and some courtships have to end there because it is just off the peg. I wonder why Rommy and Juliet's love just fade away within a short time of marriage. What could make the first hot love disappeared?. It always takes me a back when many broken homes narrated how they started the journey of their love. "Pastor, love is sweet ooo, when we started, we so much in love that we can't live without each other but didn't know it would eventually end up in bitterness, hatred, weeping and falling apart. Pastor, I prayed oo and they said we were perfect, was God's will for us to marry each other. I was being deceived! Why me? I don't why? Can I say it is not just ordinary, yes it could be the work of my enemies who didn't want me to get marry. Pastor, where; how should I start again, I'm finished. I feel like I should just end my life, hmmm.?" This is just a few lines out of my experience in the ministry, most especially during the home clinic program. I am writing this booklet under the leadership of the Holy Spirit to educate upcoming youths preparing for marriage not to fall into victim of broken home or marriage illness. Your marriage determines alot in your life, so get wisdom and buy knowledge is profitable.

CHAPTER ONE UNDERSTAND WHO YOU ARE. "A good life is a fruit- bearing tree; a violent life destroy souls" whosoever trust in his riches will fall, but the righteous (God-shaped life, godly characters, well trained) flourish like leaves in spring."(Prov.11:30&28). Yes, I can understand the fact that you need a soulmate, better have and not just anyone but the Bone of your Bone, the man/ woman of your life. But, can you just do yourself a favour, please? Be fact and honest to yourself and ask yourself these questions; who am I? What are my characters to people and even to myself? What do I like or hate? Do people find it easier to relate with me? Do I really love people around me? What people always complain about me? Does it easy for me to forgive people whom offended me? What are my talents or gifts? What is my life time vision? What is God's purpose for my life? What are God's given assignments that I must fulfill?. You can even go ahead and ask honest person to describe who you are to you. Asking yourself all those questions will help you a lots to make a right choice for your life. Don't let love, certificate, achievement or riches deceived you but make a descretion with a godly characters. Every bad characters discovered in you must be dealt with and amend. You should know that marriage is like a bank account, you can only withdraw whatever amount you deposited. Know the area of your weakness and that of your strength. Thousands of broken marriages, also prayed and fasted, and even consulted prophets before entered into it but failed because they neglected this area. Identifying yourself will help you know whose characters can strengthen your weakness and hole that hold your peg firmly. It is good to marry a pretty/handsome

lady/man or rich but cannot guarantee you a happy home. Bad character is like a rotten egg, no amount of spicies can make it better rather best thing is to change or replace it. "People who accept correction are on the pathway to life, but those who ignore it will lead others astray." Make yourself suitable for your better have. Are you a best choice for him/her. Many ladies proposed to me, not because I'm handsome, rich or have a good job, didn't even have any of it then but just because of my level of maturity, caring, lovingly, kindness, lively, trust worthy, forgive easily, handle situations maturely, God's fearing, visionary and understand God's purpose for my life. Physical beauty can only attract people to you but it takes your character to make them stay or leave. Make up or dressing is good but can not make you have a perfect marriage but character does. Your life vision determines the kind of person that you can marry. You can marry just anybody if your life does not guide by a vision. If a man/ woman married a visionless partner, there will be many stop over in achieving such vision. Hope you are getting senses out of it. Examine your future partner very well does he/she have that gives you peace of mind always, check it well. Open the next door!. Thank you.

CHAPTER TWO WHO SHOULD BE MY SOULMATE? "O LORD, God of my master, he prayed. Give me success and show kindness to my master, Abraham. Help me to accomplish the purpose of my journey. See, here I am standing beside this spring (well), and the young women of the village are coming out to draw water. This is my request, I will ask one of them for a drink. If she says, yes, certainly, and I will water your camels too! Let her be the one you have appointed as Isaac's wife. By this I will know that you have shown kindness to my master. Now Rebecca was very beautiful, and she was a virgin, no man had ever slept with her. She went down to the spring, filled her jug, and came up again. Running over to her, the servant asked, please give me a drink." Certainly sir, she said, and she quickly lowered the jug for him to drink. When he had finished she said, I will draw water for your camels too, until they have had enough. So she quickly emptied the jug into the watering trough and ran down to the well again. She kept carrying water to the camels until they had finished drinking. The servant watched her in silence, wondering whether or not she was the one, the Lord intended him to meet. Then at last, when the camels had finished drinking, he gave her a gold ring for her nose and two large gold bracelets for her wrists" (Gen. 24:16-22). The wound that can never be healed is to married a wrong person. Many glorious visions offstage because of wrong marriage partner. Although both Christian and un-christian youths fear this stage of life, running to seers to foresee God's will for them. Infact many young people ready to choose a right future partner do fight me on this issue of asking me if the person is the God's will for them but my question to them is that " whom do you need to complete you?". Lessons from the Bible passage we just red. Abraham's servant understood his master's son major occupation very well as a shepherd. He knew that if Isaac would be flourished and prosperous in his occupation his wife must be kindness, loves and cares for the flocke. She must be humble, hospitality and diligent. God has given every man a purpose or assignment to work on , and needed a suitable woman to accomplish it. Every woman has a

particular purpose or vision to support or fit into for the better achievement. Two are better than one and the two become one in Union of purpose, characters, ministry and accomplishment. Marriage is not for who can be given you money at all times or social life styles. Or whom physically match your standard. Don't marry a visionless partner that has no achievable purpose. Never married a partner that doesn't love your occupation, life purpose or has abilities to support your visions. You must be a compementary to each other. Right from my teen age I have known that there is call of God upon me and God's purpose is to establish a new ministry. Then, I always prayed to God that God should favour me and give me a woman that can sing very well, humble, lover of God and will have time to take care of my future children. Some ladies that love to be my wife, I told them if you can not sing, endure time of wilderness in the ministry, be a choir mistress, a class room teacher that can have time for my children, do away with social life styles, you can not be my wife. Thank God, I was favoured, God gave me a suitable helper. Whenever we have misunderstanding between us, I do quickly settle it with her because of her usefulness in my life. Your husband can easily throw you away if you don't have a positive impact in his life forget about the love, love can end at any time, only union in life purpose and good characters renew love in marriage. This is reason for many broken courtships and marriages. Never married a parasite man or woman. If you know what is suitable for you ask from God, He will surely give it to you. You will have a serious problem if you don't know the kind of person that complementary you. Pray to know God's plan and purpose for your life. Ladies don't hide your gifts or talents, be diligent to it, someone is in need of it and searching for it to accomplish a certain assignment. Get it right not every pastors need a chorister. I could recollect one of my University lecturer and sister to me, she is a lecturer and married a primary six leaving certificate holder, although it was a thoung of war because her parents didn't accept the man but the sister insisted and finally married each other. The woman told us, I wouldn't have had gone far better in my career if I married a lecturer like me or other busy professional but I'm enjoying everything in my marriage, thank God. However, your soulmate should be that particular person that has what it takes to fill in the missing gap in God's plan for your life. Understand that, the person may not be perfect in all things as you want at the beginning but as the journey in going on adjustment will be made until perfection comes. If this is duly observed very well without you praying to see vision or dream about him/her, you will be boldly assured yourself that I have found my man or woman. There are some peculiarities and Colossus virtues that must be possessed by you and that of your wife or husband to be which will guarantee a happy, healthy and blessed marriage. Otherwise, cold war is inevitable in your marriage which may eventually lead to broken home. So therefore, make every effort to apply the benefits of these promises to your life. Then your faith will produce a life of moral excellence. A life of moral excellence leads to knowing God better. According to the second epistle of Peter; 2Peter 1:5-7, we observed some moral excellence that must be possessed for both man and the woman, these include; (1) SELF CONTROL; You must be moderate in desiring and using the good things of natural life, such as meat, drink, clothes, sleep, recreation, speaking, and credit. An inordinate desire after God and Christ; and those who take more of these than is due can render to neither God nor man what is due to them. (2) PATIENT-EDURANCE: this requires increase of grace to bear all calamities and crosses with silence and submission, without murmuring or complaining against God or man.

(3) GODLINESS: this is the loving kindness characters that produce when christian bear affliction patiently. (4) LOVE FOR OTHER: Must possess brotherly kindness characters, a tender affection to all our fellow Christian and everyone around you. And you are to be loved with a pure heart fervently. Having these things make not one barren nor unfruitful in our relationship with God and man, also in our marriages. Many use to cast blame on other partner when they experience disappointment or broken courtships, and care less to examine their own faults or bad characters. Good characters builds a healthy relationship, courtships and marriages but, beauty, dressing, certificate, riches etc only paint the house colourful.

CHAPTER THREE CAN I STILL NEED TO PRAY AGAIN "Don't worry about anything instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. If you do this, you will experience God's peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus"(Phil.4:6-7). PRAYER!. It is an essential mechanism and incredient which can not be over looked or under estimated in making right choice of a man or woman to spend a life time with. Marriage is a thing to worry, fret and ponder about because of failure of some many marriages around you. Foundation is very important in everything. A strong foundation abortive every effort of storms to destroy a house but weak foundation dance to the direction of storm whenever it comes. Therefore, don't be amazed when you see many courtships and marriages are broken, it is the foundation that tell on them. For this reason, I took my precious time to persuade you to be faithful in prayers. I asked some set of youths to pray on their marital issues and feed me back whatever divine instructions they had from God. After a while, some came back to me while others never showed up. And then asked those that shown up what did God reveal unto them concerning their future partners, only two persons said something meaningful while others didn't see anything. What could be the problem sir, they asked. Okay, just feel relax. Can I ask you some questions; firstly, have you been born again? If yes, how deep is your personal relationship with Christ? Have you been personally prayed and received the answers from God? .......and the sheep hear his voice and come to him. He calls his own sheep by name and lead them out" (Jhn10:3). Friendship with the Lord is reserved for those who fear him, with them he shares the secrets of his covenant" (Ps 25:14). Prayer is giving our attention to God in a two-way spiritual relationship where we talk to God and also listen to Him. Prayer is like a child's conversation with the father. It is natural for a child to ask his father anything he/she needs, or to ask for advice and guidance. Prayer is not meditation or passive reflection, it is direct talking to God. Prayer is a spiritual communication between man and God. I hope you are getting it right now, observe it very well. Prayer is not just closing of eyes and be talking. It is spiritual activities. It is done between a spiritual man and

spiritual God. Prayer is the spiritual activity that is beyond human abilities. So, if you are not filled with the only Spirit you can not have effective prayer before God. Only those that have been baptized with the holy spirit are sons and daughters of God. "For all who are led by the spirit of God are children of God."(Rom8:14). Truely, God commanded us to ask and we shall be given but He is only talking to his children. If you are not a true child of God, this is a beautiful moment to surrender your totality unto Him alone. Confess your sins, repent from it and that the spirit of Christ should come into your life, heart and mind. Ask God for the new life in Christ Jesus. Pray for the grace to overcome every challenges that may want you to go back to your vomit. I pray with you as you are making a rightful decision today. " I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, in Jesus Christ name (Amen)". Congratulations!. Now, you have access to ask anything you desire from your father. ".......if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him"(Matt.7:11). Having been in a rightful position in God standard, you can now come boldly to him concerning whom to marry. In your prayers always be specific. Since you have known God's plan and purpose for your life, which was revealed to you through the holy spirit. You must have known why you need a helpmate in fulfilling God's purpose for your life. You should make prayers towards the direction of your needs. For example; Oh Lord God, your purpose for my life is to be a business man, Lord, I need a woman that will help me to expand, successful and achieve mightly in it, the woman that will always be at peace with me, the woman that will not barren, the woman that will love me, my children and families whole heartedly, woman that will live long with me till our old age, the woman that fill with the holy Spirit and gifts, woman that we will all make heaven, grant me oh Lord in Jesus name. You can ask God whatever godly characters you want in your future partner. You can also that, the person you will both enjoy yourself sexually that will not be adultrer. This is the tropical example of how to pray for a future partner, not just only God's will. Some people asked for God's will, and they got married with the person but still experiencing crisis in their homes. Why?!, It is because they forget that we are human being. Ask according to the leading of the holy Spirit and you will have a perfect home. If you are in courtship already, you still need to pray. Don't let physical assessment or someone's believe deceived you or lure you into wrong marriage. Ask God, is brother Segun will live long with me, being with him, shall we have children as our wishes, shall we prosper, shall we live together in peace, what are the challenges we'll encounter, with him shall we make heaven etc. Such questions should be asked from God better than is it God's will for my life. Whatever God reveal to you base on your requests will determine your next action. Marriage is very critical in our lives. Marriage is like a grave yard that you enjoy alone or suffer afriendshiplone. Don't let anyone push you into it all the name of what people will say, age, parents or . Whatever ways make sure you have a tangible purpose to accomplish in your partner's life and in that very home. God bless you for that, can I see a lovely smile on your face.

CHAPTER FOUR

REASONING TOGETHER TO DECIDE ......... Come let us reason together" " Can two people walk together without agreeing on the direction?" Amos 3:3. At last God has favoured you and found this wonderful brother or sister, nevertheless there is more to do before going to the stage of wedding. First thing to do is to tell your partner about yourself, for example; your family background (about your father, mother, siblings, family norms and any needful to know). Also your extended families, history about your grand parents that you known. This is necessary because it will help you to know what to avoid, to pray against and to prepare yourself for. Second thing is to tell him/her your major habitual characters. As you mentioned the good side of you, don't forget to say the bad side of yourself as well. Remember, no one is perfect, so don't hide anything from your wife or husband to be. It will help you to know the true being of whom you are about to marry. The physical features you see and admire in him/her can be a pure deception. It is better to marry inside than outside the person. Therefore, don't over look this, it is very expedient my dear. Your temperament must be revealed here. And give avenue for correction, adjustment and advice to each other. How easily you can get angry and how long you can sustain angry moment. If you want to have a peaceful home be plain to your partner. And ready to be a best woman/man for him/her. Thirdly, it is to open your past wound. Although, God has healed it but there is a need for reopening as fresh. It is painful right but you have to say it all. The past has gone but for you not to have problem in your home say everything in details. He that covered his sins shall not prosper. Actually, my wife told me everything about her past even before I asked her. She didn't hide anything from me to the extend of mentioning names and details of people who have proposed to her before. I shared with her my own past life likewise but after a year of our marriage we began experiencing unusual situation which led me to prayer to know the cause of the problem. Eventually, I just saw blood in my dream one day when I woke up Holy Spirit told me that what you saw is the hiden secret that you didn't tell your wife and it is the root of the problem. Instantly, I went to my wife asked for her forgiveness. Although, it was not intentional to hide it from her then but I felt it wasn't necessary to tell her. Now, if not the mercy of God that revealed it, we might be in that problem for so many years and thinking that it is the work of our enemies. That was how the situation changed. Therefore, I encourage you not to hide anything, if you hid it may destroy your precious home and paralize God plan and purpose for your life. Likewise, you will have to share your achievement and problem you have encountered with him/her. Telling him/her how you get to your present position or situation, mention people that helped you. Share some challenges you have passed through and how you can over it. In addition, you need to share your God's given vision and your personal visions. Both of you should agree on how you will achieve it and help each. Humble yourself here, never promise what you are not capable to do in the name of love. Don't start big , start small from there you grow beyond imagination. In your planning erase helpers and miracles but plan with only what you have or can do at a certain time. Miracle and help comes unexpectedly so don't live your life with uncertain expectations. More so, discuss your sexual ability, it is very important. Don't be shy or over spiritual, tell him/her position of your private part. How often and deep you can have sex. We do silence on this particular matter but has a greater impact in today's marriage. You can not enjoy sex with your partner, that means you will not enjoy your home. Some christian ladies do pretend on this issue but man go beyond

her expectations likewise woman do the same. Just this issue of sex has caused many homes to be broken, dying in silence and unending home crisis. Take everything have fore mentioned into consideration if you can endure with it, no problem but if you can not endure it, you can end it and please think wisely. However, you can now decide if you can marry him/her.

CHAPTER FIVE CAN I INTRODUCE HIM/HER TO MY PEOPLE NOW. Yes, since fire test has approved him/her as your wife or husband, you can start introducing him/her to yourself and then your people. You need people's approval concerning whom to marry. Because what you don't know about your proposed partner, will be revealed via people around you. You start introducing him/her to everything in your life, most especially to your heart, soul, spirit and body. How do you feel his/her present in your life, does it give you peace of mind, hope and affection?. Check your heart beat very well whenever you think about him/her, or when you receive his/her calls, does it sound sweet to your hearing or irritating you? Do you love to be with him/her at all time, how long can you be together without misunderstanding, do you feel excited when you go around with him/her? Your response to all these questions determines what next to do. If your heart do fear about him/her find the cause and settle it out. If persistent go for counsel and pray about it. Wait until your spirit give you go ahead, don't force yourself into it within the peace in your inner mind. Thereafter, you proceed to some of your intimate friends. Go with him/her to your friends houses and let them your actual intention. Also send his/her pictures to some intimate friends that live far around you with details about him/her. Listen to their comments and find out true about every issues that may arise. You can the proceed to introduce him/her to your siblings, never left anyone out. Observe their response too before taking him/her to your parents. If there is no any controversies, then you can now take him/her to your parents. You must peacefully listen to them if they have any issues against your intention. With peace and respect let them understand reasons why you accepted him/her to be your wife or husband. And always pray against santanic intervention in the matter. If they insisted without any tangible reasons or spiritual reasons, don't fight them. Both of you should go on prayer and fasting, then take necessary steps as holy Spirit is leading you. It is part of your foundation process, if you take a wrong step it will affect your marriage in the future. Believing that with God all things shall be possible. And never take your parents as your enemies, no matter what you see or hear about them. When you have won their acceptability and the concept of your people, you are then good to go. This is applicable for both of you, don't take any side for granted. I'm very happy for you, to be honest marriage is sweet ooo. Finally, you have to take him/her to church pastor or spiritual guidance. Though, you must have involved them at the beginning but nevertheless, there is a need to go with him/her to them after the consent of your family to guide on what to do next and what you must avoid now. WISHING YOU HAPPY MARRIED LIFE!