JAN 2023. Vol 1. Issue 001. the jam: a lit artsjournal Food For Thought

CONTENTS ☆ FORWARD ☆ DRAFT PLAYS ☆ FEATURED ARTIST MZCHINAABUNDANT ☆ The Pastime Parablez ☆ FEATURED ARTIST RAE RED ☆ THESISIN’ ☆ WRITING PROMPTS inspiration in simple moments

FORWARD the jam: a lit arts journal is a passion project of mine. Inspired by the literary magazine, Highlights, I used to receive monthly by mail as a kid. I remember being in awe of how up-to-date and meticulous each new issue was in delivering a new theme, a new aesthetic, and new content to ponder on, laugh at and just downright enjoy as a literary nerd. the jam will act as a compendium of sorts to my findings, discoveries and research towards my thesis in Theatre Arts. The written word as knowledge and information has impacted me throughout my entire life to act, to experience, and to speculate. Ultimately, the jam is exactly that: something sweet to indulge in, and hopefully, restock again and again. I am not sure currently how often each issue will release; monthly? Quarterly? Just know, whenever you see me publicly representing my business, the jam will be accompanying me for all to see. This first issue doesn’t really have an overall theme, aesthetically. You will see in the designs, but, overtime I’ll find a concise aesthetic for each issue. Sit back, unwind and enjoy. THA WORLD PREMIER

1924 [PILOT DRAFT] Written by THA WORLD PREMIER Lost Dogs Chase Tales Book 16: 1924. Episode 1 - “The Daytime” NARRATOR Year: Unknown. Season: Middle of spring. The land of Gaia is supple and it’s people are content. The daytime hasn’t yet gotten too hot for the workers while they sew the proper seeds. The nighttime stays cool and the wind refreshes the people while they sleep. Sunrise. Kujin (Koo-gen) and Luwethan (Loo-wey-thawn) race on their horses towards the Orange Fields. The sound of the horses' hooves wakes the villagers as the two race by. The Orange Fields get closer and closer, Kujin is set to win this morning's race KUJIN taunting Guess you’ll be warding off the vultures by yourself today, Lu! Cuz I’m about to— NARRATOR Kujin’s final words are interrupted as his horse comes to a screeching stop in front of Raijahn (Ray-john). Kujin is hurled off the horse with force and lands on top of Raijahn. RAIJAHN Hey! NARRATOR Quickly, Luwethan strides past the two and towards the entrance to the fields. Kujin and Raijahn share a look. RAIJAHN taunting Bet you I’ll beat the both of you on foot! NARRATOR And she takes off! KUJIN Oh no you don’t!

NARRATOR Raijahn may be small in stature, but she’s quick on her feet. She catches up to Luwethan and his horse and spearheads towards the entrance of the field. Behind both of them is Kujin. Fed up with his impending loss, he takes off his shoe and throws it towards Raijahn, in hopes of slowing her down. The shoe hurls in front of Luwethan and Raijahn and lands in the entrance of the field. The impact on the ground creates a bright blue flash of light, which blinds everybody nearby. When Luwethan and Raijahn arrive at the Orange Fields entrance, they find Kujin there, with one shoe missing. LUWETHAN fed up Hey! No fair! RAIJAHN How—how did you do that? KUJIN relieved, partly scared I-I don’t know? NARRATOR Galloping behind them and towards the Orange fields is Raijahn’s father and Chief of Security, Poonjahn (Poon-john) POONJAHN You three! Come! We have visitors! End. Lost Dogs Chase Tales, Book 16: 1924. Episode 2 - “Fair Trade” NARRATOR Kujin, Luwethan and Raijahn trail behind Poonjahn on their way to the shoreline. LUWETHAN We hadn't had a visitor in so long! KUJIN Not since before I was born… RAIJAHN And we all know how that turned out. NARRATOR Raijahn points to the scar that runs down behind Poonjahn’s left leg. POONJAHN Don’t worry, my girl, we are taking all necessary precautions. My men are currently escorting the workers to the coastlines, the Head Empress is well protected this time. RAIJAHN Kujin, you want to explain to us how you teleported back there?

KUJIN Um, I wish I could! NARRATOR overhearing the conversation behind him, Poonjahn stops in his tracks. POONJAHN baffled Teleported!? NARRATOR His response startles the 3 kids. LUWETHAN quickly, to distract Oh! Chief! Where do you think the visitors come from? The Volcanic Mountains? Oh! Maybe the Isle of Monsters? POONJAHN No, Luwethan, if they came from the Isle of Monsters, then that would mean they’re related to your tribe! Kujin and Raijahn laugh LUWETHAN Ouch, Chief. Ouch! NARRATOR The 4 strive towards the coastlines to meet the other villagers. Out on the ocean, not too far away from shore, is a giant ship made of cedar wood. The villagers lineup ceremoniously to greet the visitors. POONJAHN to Kujin and Luwethan Quick, you two find your tribes and stand with them. The Head Empress will make an announcement soon. Raijahn, come! NARRATOR The three kids share a look and then part ways. The ship approaches the shore. The Head Empress stands before the crowd of villagers and prepares a speech. HEAD EMPRESS Kannetties! (Kuh-net-teez) A people, so strong, brave and nurturing. Bold and prestigious! We gather, under the daytime sky, United. (Beat) Behold! Visitors approach this land we share, the skin of Gaia. We let it be known that we Kannetties are ready for what may come of this exchange. Though we are prepared for war, we expect peace! THE CROWD Peace!

NARRATOR The ship lands. A bridge descends onto the shore. A tall, pale man with a feather top hat appears from the ship. He goes by Charles. He is accompanied by a shorter pale man who is bald. His assistant. He goes by John. They both wear a navy blue jacket with an embroidered coat of arms. Their pants barely reach their calves and they wear the same style of leather dress shoes. They are soaked in water from head to toe. The two stumbly walk down the bridge to meet the Head Empress and her men. CHARLES Worrisome Help! We are explorers of the New World! Heralds of change! I go by Charles and this is my dim witted assistant, John. JOHN offended Excuse me! CHARLES Quiet, John! (Beat) We come with no weapons formed! That is because they have been stripped from us by the treacherous creatures of the sea! the crowd gasps LUWETHAN shouting out I knew it! I knew they were monsters out there! CHARLES There are! There are! (Beat) Me and my foolish assistant were the only two men aboard our ship to tell the tale…But! We do not come empty-handed! Oh no! We have brought with us material gathered from the lands in which we…explored…in hopes to exchange with you! HEAD EMPRESS Exchange? CHARLES Yes, exchange! Beat, astonished Wow! It is a relief that our tongue differs only by a slight accent. You must be the presider of this land. NARRATOR Charles extends his hand towards the Head Empress. The Head Empress stares back, disgusted. HEAD EMPRESS Sternly You come before these people, the Kannetties, with great confidence, Charles. You speak of sea creatures and cedar wood. You and your assistant come in need?

JOHN Interrupting Uh yes, yes, your greatness! We come in great need of the skills of your beautiful people, The Kinetics! CHARLES It’s The Kannetties, you imbecile! Beat, humbly Apologies, your greatness. We bring with us the finest, strongest cedar wood, along with seeds to cultivate your own forests of cedars. In exchange for your hands in helping us build our boats and weapons so that we can once again brace the seas, in hopes of returning home! POONJAHN Head Empress, what do you say to this? NARRATOR The Head Empress gives Charles and John a stern look as she ponders her decision. She closes her eyes and envisions the possible outcomes of the decision she will make. Then, she raises her hand. HEAD EMPRESS Gaia welcomes you, Charles and John, to interact with the Kannetties people, in exchange for your cedar and your safe return to your homelands. the crowd cheers CHARLES This is excellent news! Now, do you have somewhere we can change out of these damp clothes? POONJAHN Right this way. HEAD EMPRESS to the crowd Workers, return to your daytime duties! We will group at sunfall in the Beast’s Den to give our visitors a proper Kannetties welcome! NARRATOR The crowd disperses to their rightful areas of duty. Kujin, Luwethan and Raijahn stay on the shoreline, staring at the ship. KUJIN I’ve never seen such a grand ship in my life! Do you think we get to build one ourselves? LUWETHAN I hope not! I’m tired just looking at the thing…(beat) what do you think those sea monsters looked like? RAIJAHN I don’t think they were referring to any external monsters at all…

LUWETHAN What? What are you talking about? You heard the man! He said they were sea monsters out there! Just like the Oracle told us as kids! (Beat) Psssh! And people thought I was crazy! KUJIN What are you saying, Raijahn? NARRATOR Raijahn looks out to the shore RAIJAHN “The waters of the sea are a respecter of no persons. Lest they set out to pursue, nothing will get in the way of their conquest, in peace or in war…” LUWETHAN laughs hysterically Good one, Rai! POONJAHN shouting out You three! Get to the Orange Fields! The working day has started! NARRATOR Raijahn and Luwethan race towards the fields. Kujin stays behind staring at the boat KUJIN I know the seas would respect me! I just need a way to get to them first…(beat) (to Raijahn and Luwethan) Hey, wait up! End. Lost Dogs Chase Tales Book 16: 1924. Episode 3 - “Where The Mind Goes” NARRATOR The following day. Charles and James are on the ship, plotting their takeover of Gaia. JOHN Praising Oh, Charles, you really are quite the actor! Telling the tribe we battled Sea monsters? That was brilliant! CHARLES Why, thank you, John. I must say, pouring that drinking water on ourselves was the cherry on top of our performance! Kudos. JOHN Thank you, thank you!

CHARLES Now shut up! If we want to keep this charade going until the new moon, we must keep these filthy animals occupied for the next two weeks! I talked it over with the Head Empress last night: she said she will put a call out for all of the villagers who are “interested in learning how to build.” I don’t see why she couldn’t just mandate that everyone participate! Beat, worries What if nobody shows up? JOHN They will show up! (Beat) There’s this male named Koo-gen, yes, he seems to be fond of building! CHARLES Well, that’s good! We’ll inspire him to build, and then perhaps, he can inspire the others, too! JOHN Charles? CHARLES Yes, John? JOHN What about the females of the tribe? Do they seem fit to build? CHARLES Well, they are led by a manish female… they laugh CHARLES Perhaps we could give them another duty… NARRATOR Charles looks around the cabinet of the ship. CHARLES Ah! Paint! JOHN Paint, sir? CHARLES Yes, paint! We’ll inspire the females to decorate the tools! This way, we separate the herd by their duties. (Beat) We should expect the rest of our men here in one moon cycle! (Beat) May God give us the courage and the strength to spread his Word and set an example for these lowlife, demonic scoundrels! NARRATOR Charles lifts a toast!

CHARLES Ah-men! JOHN Ah-men! NARRATOR Later that evening. Charles and John set up the cedar wood and cutting materials on the shoreline. They are holding a “builder’s workshop” for the villagers who are interested in becoming craftsmen. Kujin and Luwethan head towards the shore for the workshop. LUWETHAN I really don’t understand why you’re dragging me into this? I told you I do not want to build anything! KUJIN Oh relax, Lu. Besides, I think you’re going to like building more than you think! LUWETHAN You’re just dragging me along so you don’t have to go by yourself! (Beat) Has it ever occurred to you that maybe some of us like sewing seeds and picking crops? KUJIN Now that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told! Look, Lu. We have an opportunity to be somebody around here and do something different! Don’t you wanna see what’s out there? Beyond the horizon of the sea? LUWETHAN I know what’s out there…sea monsters! NARRATOR Kujin and Luwethan continue to walk through the forests. They walk into Raijahn, who is also walking towards the shoreline LUWETHAN Hey! Where are you going? RAIJAHN It’s none of your business! KUJIN You're going to the “builder’s workshop,” aren’t you? RAIJAHN Maybe! (Beat) Look, I’m tired of planting seeds all day, okay? I’d like to learn something new, for once! LUWETHAN taunting I thought you said those guys were “monsters.” Kujin and Luwethan laugh

RAIJAHN Smart If they are monsters, then I guess I should learn how to dance with the devil then! NARRATOR The 3 walk along the path to the shoreline. Once there, they notice the display Charles and John set up for the villagers. There’s logs of cedar wood, heavy cutting saws, hammers, rasps and sandpaper. There’s also a display of paints and brushes. The 3 sit on the ground. The space is lit up by fire lamps. More interested villagers trickle onto the shoreline. Not long after, Charles and John appear from the ship. CHARLES Welcome! Welcome, Kannetties! You special few have heeded to the call! A call from God! RAIJAHN From who? JOHN gasps From who, you ask? Do you not know of God? RAIJAHN I know of Gaia… CHARLES My daughter, God is the supreme ruler of us all, including Gaia! RAIJAHN God precedes Gaia? CHARLES Who do you think Gaia reports to? God is above all of us! NARRATOR The crowd stands still. Listening intently. CHARLES God is the supreme ruler! Not The Head Empress, not Gaia, not you nor me! But God! JOHN God is the reason we have these materials here for you all today! Here, look! NARRATOR John pulls out a small book from his pocket. JOHN This book right here is the manual to all of our existence! It tells us right from wrong, hatred from love, Angels from demons!

LUWETHAN aside to Kujin Does it tell me how I can quit work and relax for eternity? crowd laughs CHARLES Stick to what we teach you today, and you’ll never have to work another day in your life, son. NARRATOR Charles throws the book to Luwethan. LUWETHAN opens the book Does—does it talk? JOHN No silly, you read it! RAIJAHN Read it? CHARLES Yes, read it (beat) do you people not know how to read? No? How did you learn to speak? RAIJAHN We learned through oral tradition. From an exchange from other visitors, just like you. NARRATOR Charles and John share a look CHARLES Well, it’s time we add on to what you already know. We will teach you now to build and read! (Beat) Now! Who’s ready to learn how to build a boat? NARRATOR Charles and John separate the crowd from the men and women. The men stay with Charles to learn to cut and measure materials to craft a kayak, while Raijahn goes with John to learn how to paint. Luwethan struggles to cut the cedar wood properly. He exhausts himself and throws the cutting saw on the ground. CHARLES No, no, no, no, no! Luwethan! You must not give up! LUWETHAN This weapon almost cut my hand off! I do not think I am right for building….

CHARLES Nonsense! You cannot give up so easily. God never gave up on us when we were disobedient, so you must never give up on yourself! Besides, I saw the way you were cutting the cedar wood, you’re a natural! LUWETHAN I am? CHARLES Now remember, if you never want to work again, you must learn how to build. This way, you can teach other people how to build without ever touching a cutting saw again! LUWETHAN Well, okay! Thank you, Sir Charles! But I will put away the cutting saw for now. Where is the sandpaper? NARRATOR A few paces down the shoreline, is John and Raijahn. He is introducing her to the paints. RAIJAHN John, I do not understand why I cannot build with the males… JOHN Women do not build, my girl… RAIJAHN Women? I am a female… JOHN You are a woman, my girl, according to God. You have a vast wealth of creativity hidden inside of you, unlike your male counterparts… RAIJAHN If I have vast wealth, I should be able to build, as well. This is not fair! JOHN Calm yourself, my girl. You will channel this anger through the application of paint! NARRATOR John reveals an easel with 7 different colors on them. Raijahn has never been exposed to paint before, the colors mesmerize her. RAIJAHN amazed This is paint? JOHN Yes, my girl. And you are the one who is responsible for decorating the boats when they are complete!

RAIJAHN I am responsible? JOHN Yes! You will command all those around you to admire your designs (Beat) Here. Practice your designs on this canvas. Paint what you see out on the horizon. NARRATOR Raijahn’s eyes widen as she holds the easel and brush in her hand. RAIJAHN says to herself I am responsible! NARRATOR Back on the other side of the shoreline. Charles walks over to Kujin, who is measuring the length of the kayak he’s built. CHARLES Wow, Kujin! You did all of this on your own? You’re a natural! KUJIN continuing to work Now, I heard you say that to Luwethan just before; so either you’re lying to him or you’re lying to me. NARRATOR Charles is stunned. He leans into Kujin’s ear so nobody can hear him. CHARLES Whispering To be quite honest with you, I just tell that to people who are really quite bad. You know? Fluff them up a bit so that they won’t quit! NARRATOR Kujin laughs. The laugh gains the attention of Luwethan who is across from him. They share a look. CHARLES (beat) But you seriously are a natural! I mean, look at this boat! And the sandpaper finish? How did you know the correct measurements? KUJIN I didn’t. I mean, really, I just imagined the idea of what it would be like if one of us had to flea land by way of sea. Ya know?

CHARLES That is astonishing, my boy! (Beat) There's just one detail you’re missing. KUJIN What’s that? CHARLES Sinister You’re going to need to imagine space for more than one of you when it does come time to escape… NARRATOR With those words, Kujin’s eyes widened. KUJIN tremble Whatever do you mean—? CHARLES Everybody! Stop what you’re doing! Come and witness the greatness that your fellow Kannetties Kujin has displayed! Come! Come! You all should follow in his footsteps! NARRATOR The Kannetties stop what they’re doing and they all huddle around the single kayak Kujin has built. They’re amazed at the craftsmanship. RAIJAHN Wow! Good job, Kujin! KUJIN Uhh, thanks! It wasn’t really that hard, I just imagined— LUWETHAN filled with jealousy Pssh, show off! KUJIN What? JOHN Now! Now! No need to be jealous, Luwethan. You will learn soon enough! In fact, we will hold workshops everyday after your daytime work duties until you all craft your very own boat! KUJIN What about me? I’ve already crafted a boat! LUWETHAN I think that’s a great idea, Sir John! Let’s work everyday until we all can be as good as Kujin!

KUJIN What? That’s not what I meant, Lu, it’s just, I would like to ride the boat on the seas since I am ahead of everyone else— LUWETHAN You’re always ahead of everyone else, Kujin. How about you give others a chance to catch up for once! Or just teleport like you did at this morning’s race! NARRATOR The crowd is silent. CHARLES Teleport, you say? NARRATOR Kujin shares a nervous look. KUJIN We said we would talk about that in private, Luwethan. RAIJAHN interrupting, quickly What-what Luwethan means is that: Kujin runs so fast, it is as if he teleports from one place to another! JOHN You know who also teleports? Demons! NARRATOR The crowd gasps! LUWETHAN You’re right! No wonder why you’re so good at building, you must be a demon! KUJIN Lu, stop this! LUWETHAN angirly Make me! NARRATOR Kujin gets fed up. He throws the rasp on the ground and walks back into the Forest. The crowd stares as he walks past them. CHARLES Well, that went smoothly!

RAIJAHN Kujin, come back! NARRATOR She runs after Kujin JOHN Stop, my girl. You run after him, you’re running away from your new responsibilities. Think about your designs! NARRATOR Raijahn stops in her tracks. Kujin turns around. KUJIN Stay, Rai. I wouldn’t wanna stop you from doing something other than sewing seeds. NARRATOR Kujin vanishes into the forest. CHARLES Let Kujin be an example to you all: You might have the best skills at what you do, but if you give up, you’re no better than the idle man! (Beat) That’s enough for today! I expect to see all of you better tomorrow! Tell a friend! Share the news! RAIJAHN I will tell all my friends! JOHN That’s great. (Beat) Now, we will close out our workshop with a prayer to God. Tell all the villagers about your amazing accomplishments here today and let our building flourish upon this land of Gaia! In the name of God! thunder strikes End.

THE JAGWIRE [PILOT DRAFT] Written by THA WORLD PREMIER NARRATOR Heavy rainfall. Speeding cars splash rainwater onto the curb of the bus stop. The #120 Express Bus pulls up. Quickly, the damp bus riders pack into the bus. Justin, the last person on, squeezes his way towards the back of the bus. BUS DRIVER That’s the last time I’m gonna let you on this bus without paying, Justin! JUSTIN I got you next time, Jarvis, on muvas! BUS DRIVER Yeah, whatever! NARRATOR Justin throws his headphones over his ears and stares out of the window, watching the rain cover the cityscape. He can still see the street signs, telling him which stop to get off on. JUSTIN to himself Sinclair, Moravia, Bowleys, Parkside. Arbor View, Dudley, Coleman, Erdman. Why do these all sound like old war lords? [laughs]. Imagine a bunch of dudes just huddling together, looking at a map of the town and playing a game, like, I don’t know, craps? Yeah! Craps! Just rolling dice, to see who’s family name goes on which street! Laugh, mimicking voices: Game Announcer: “Ahh yes, Preston? Yes! Sir Preston Dudley of Greenshire, it is now your roll for the naming of District 6! You may roll one pair!” mimicking Sir Preston Dudley Greenshire: “I, Sir Preston Dudley Greenshire, heir to the Noble Greenshire Throne, built by a busty maiden’s hand, shall land upon the highest percentage of said dice, in hopes of securing my family’s legacy in the Free World!” Regular voice, laugh Then that mf rolls the dog throw! laughs uncontrollable mimicking: Gamer Announcer

“Oh…sorry Sir, sadly, your family name will forever be synonymous for the street with the…torn down Save-A-Lot grocery store…right next to the demoralized railroad tunnel overlapping a garden of trash with that dirty old…stuffed Jaguar… laughs uncontrollably NARRATOR An elder woman sitting next to Justin notices him laughing to himself JUSTIN trying to cover up Oh, I’m watching a funny video on the internet, Ma’am WOMAN That dirty, old, stuffed Jaguar, huh? JUSTIN nervous laugh Uh, yeah. WOMAN Right under the tunnel on Preston? Sits on the right side, huh? JUSTIN I, I guess? WOMAN I guess you must take the bus from the countryside if you don’t know anything about this Jaguar, beyond it being just a dirty, stuffed animal, huh? JUSTIN Oh. I didn’t think that would offend you, ma’am. WOMAN What's with all this “ma’am” business, do I look like your grandma? JUSTIN I don’t know how old you are, to be completely honest… NARRATOR The woman stands up WOMAN I’m as old as the “Legend of The Jagwire…” NARRATOR Suddenly, the interior lights of the bus transform from a dull and gray hue to a bright gold luminescence. The passengers disappear and all who is left on the bus is the woman and Justin.

WOMAN Legend of The Jagwire ain’t no fable Wild horses can’t be contained in stables Got us going to war like Cain n Abel Disabled, like watching tv with no cable See, a group of individuals chose their side long ago When the natives built their homes off of wood and stone When rulership wasn’t the reigning principle To us, those days are old, like trading with gold The Kings took the North Their heirs took the South The Queens took the East And they went all about Putting their symbols here and their sigils everywhere JUSTIN But what about the West? WOMAN I was getting there! [beat] The West was a little tougher than they were prepared for Those already living on the land were bred for war Coveting an ecosystem that went beyond the physical The West was pivotal, but their weapons were trivial They went back to the drawing room in hopes of a miracle Summoned a spirit or two utilizing a ritual Political, empirical, illusions unequivocal: It was A game of wits using bones and a pentacle NARRATOR The bus screeches to a haunting stop. JUSTIN I don’t think you’re talking about some dirty, stuffed Jaguar, are you? WOMAN Isn’t this your stop? You’re gonna be late to work! JUSTIN Oh shit! NARRATOR Justin places his head inside of his coat, covering up from the pending rain. He runs off the bus. WOMAN Hahaha. Now that Jaguar story is for you to tell all on your own, kid. Hahaha. *Jaguar growl* End scene.

Lost Dogs Chase Tales Book 2: The Jagwire. Episode 2 - “Do no work, do not eat.” NARRATOR Justin runs into the vestibule of the Beany Brew. He dries his feet and enters the coffee shop, which is shockingly empty. JUSTIN What in the hell? Dead on a Thursday morning? PEACHES Thank God for this rain, right! [beat] Now, can you imagine if we had to deliver orders in this storm? JUSTIN [laughs] Right? Jarrod’s never going to fix that website! NARRATOR Jarrod, their supervisor, enters from the back room JARROD I heard that! And just for you saying that, I’m going to take the rest of the day off to fix it! [beat] Peaches, make sure to take out all the trash when you leave tonight! We don’t need another overnight raccoon infestation! PEACHES sarcastically It’s called a “Racoon Rager,” Jarrod! I leave the radio on and give them little glow sticks and “racoon condoms” for protection! JARROD Whatever. [beat] And Justin, try not to burn anything today! See y’all later. Please, try and stay busy! exits JUSTIN Christ! I burn one banana and I’ll never hear the end of it. PEACHES sarcastically, sly Oh, you nut muffin! JUSTIN Leave me alone! [beat] Oh! Lemme go clock in right quick! NARRATOR Justin goes into the back room and clocks in his employee ID. He notices a written note on the employee news board: “Please prepare 50 banana nut muffins, 20 coffee carriers, assorted sweeteners, utensils and napkins for Saturday’s service -Revered J.” Justin takes his coat off, throws it on the break room chair and goes back into the shop with the written note.

JUSTIN To Peaches Hey! Did Jarrod mention anything about a catering order before he left? PEACHES Oh yeah! I got it all packed up, no worries. The guys coming in to pick it up any minute! JUSTIN Oh! Okay. [beat] Hey, so how did your exam go this weekend? PEACHES elated I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!! JUSTIN Oh shit! Congrats! PEACHES Yassss, you’re looking at this city’s newest, flyest, hottest certified esthetician! JUSTIN That’s wassup! So, [beat] could you help me by taking a look at this extremely contagious rash, right on my left— PEACHES Ew stop! No! Esthetician means face care, stupid! Laughs Hey, did you perform your poem this weekend at the open mic? I’m sorry I couldn’t make it, I was cramming! JUSTIN It’s all good. And nah. I had to babysit, again. I might just record it and throw it up online or something… PEACHES Aww man, I’m sorry! I know you were really looking forward to that! [beat] Oooh I know! Record it right now! On the stage. [beat] Here, give me your phone! [beat] Go on stage! Do that spoken word thing you do and I’ll record and snap my fingers and say “mmmm.” JUSTIN Ehhh, I don’t know I’m not really in the mood— PEACHES Oh come on! You gotta stay ready so you don’t ever have to get ready, remember? JUSTIN Fine. But you gotta get different angles.

PEACHES I got you! I got you. NARRATOR The two walk towards the theater in the back of the cafe. Peaches turns on the stage lights, and Justin stands center stage. Peaches starts recording. PEACHES Alright, and go! JUSTIN Okay, hold on! I’m a little nervous! [beat] Alright. Where do I start? [beat] Oh yeah! I start with the intro from “Lighter’s Up!” [beat] That’s what inspired this poem, by the way. Okay, So, it starts like this: “Someone murdered, nobody seen, nobody heard it—“ NARRATOR With those words, the front doors to the coffee shop swing open. A man in a black, full length raincoat enters the vestibule. He shakes off his black umbrella and wipes his black dress shoes. JUSTIN continuing the poem “Just another funeral service—“ REVEREND Praise the Lord!, Amen? Excuse me, are you guys open? PEACHES without noticing who she’s talking to Can’t you see we’re kind of in the middle of something? NARRATOR Peaches turns around and becomes aware of who she’s talking to PEACHES [beat] Oh, Reverend J! I’m—I’m so sorry, sir. How are you? REVEREND Relieved Alright, Alright I’m doing well, young lady. Just here to pick up that order I placed this morning, yes Lord. PEACHES Oh! Right, right, right! I’ll get that right away. Reverend! To Justin J, why don’t you serve the Reverend something to drink while he waits! NARRATOR Peaches goes to the back room to retrieve the order. Jay steps down from the stage and goes behind the counter.

JUSTIN So, what will you be having, Sir. REVEREND Oh, call me Reverend. JUSTIN Ok… REVEREND I’ll have a large coffee, black. JUSTIN Coming right up! [beat] So, you’re a Reverend…where’s your church at? REVEREND Oh, I don’t preach in a church, boy. The presence of God is everywhere, so I decided to preach inside of my home, right on McCulloh. JUSTIN I see. [beat] I live on McCulloh, too. Been there my entire life. I’ve never seen you around. REVEREND Well, I travel a lot for work. [beat] So, you’re familiar with the neighborhood? JUSTIN You could say that. REVEREND I grew up around here myself. I know how hard it is to grow up as a smart, young man in an environment that wants to kill you… JUSTIN Yeah, you just gotta learn to get in where you fit in. Do no harm, and no harm will be done to you… REVEREND Wise words, son. [beat] Well, God allows everybody to fit in with Him, those who will obey His Word, that is. Though, some of us have to learn that the hard way… JUSTIN [beat] Coffee’s ready! That’ll be $3.20. NARRATOR Peaches appears from the back room with the catering order PEACHES Oh no, Justin, Reverend J doesn’t have to pay! It’s on the house! [beat] Here’s the order! REVEREND Thank you, young lady. God bless you both!

PEACHES No problem! To Justin Come on! Let’s finish recording your poem... JUSTIN I’ll be right there! REVEREND To Justin You know? It’d be a shame if we lost another young life…The crime rate in this city is simply out of control. We have to look out for each other, if we want to survive. JUSTIN I don’t do too well in packs, sir. REVEREND correcting him Reverend. You be careful, son. NARRATOR The Reverend exits the coffee shop with the catering order. Justin stares as Reverend J braces the rain. He runs back to the stage to recite his poem. Just as the first words come out of his mouth, a gunshot let’s off outside. End.

Lost Dogs Chase Tales Book 2: The Jagwire. Episode 3 - “Someone Murdered.” NARRATOR Mourners dressed in all black fill a small townhouse on Mcculloh. The townhouse belongs to Reverend J. He is hosting the going away service of Darryl “Pookie” Washington. Justin and Peaches arrive at the service together. JUSTIN You didn’t have to come with me. PEACHES He was family, Justin. It’s what we do. NARRATOR The two walk into the crowded living room. Folded chairs create a narrow aisle for the guests to walk up to the casket, which sits in the back center of the living room. Peaches finds a spot against the opposing wall facing the podium for her and Justin to stand. Justin walks towards the center to visit the body. He arrives at the closed casket, staring dismally, pondering the image of what could be inside. JUSTIN exhale I’m sorry, cousin… REVEREND J Interrupting Don’t apologize, boy, he’s in a better place than we are right now. (Beat) Now go have a seat, I’m going to start the service. Here, sit in this chair. NARRATOR Reverend J motions towards a seat in the front row. Justin makes eye contact with Peaches and she gestures an “ok” back to him. REVEREND J Good afternoon, family and friends of Darryl “Pookie” Washington. Though, there is nothing truly good about the reason we are here, in spite of the circumstance, we celebrate the life of this young man! I want to open today’s service with a scripture from Psalms 30:5, it says “weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.” (Beat) See, Pookie’s life was filled with nothing but the horrors that come with living in this neighborhood. The incessant shootings, to which he fell victim to, have done nothing but separate this once regal paradise, into a parasitic dump! What we must do is take back this neighborhood! And we will do so with the cardinal directions God has gifted to us!— NARRATOR The Reverend’s voice starts to drown out as Justin falls into REM sleep. REVEREND J We must stand up as Kings and take the Northside— interpolated with The Woman’s words from the bus

THE WOMAN “The Kings took the North…” REVEREND J Our sons and daughters must take the southside THE WOMAN “Their heirs took the South…” REVEREND J And our Queens must take back the Eastside! THE WOMAN “The Queens took the East—“ NARRATOR Justin begins to spiral in his mind…physically, he is nodding off, picking his neck back up every so often… THE WOMAN “Political, empirical, illusions unequivocal…” bus comes to a screeching halt JUSTIN No! NARRATOR Justin snaps back into his body. The entire room stares at him. REVEREND J Trying to take back the room *coughs* Son, uh, is there anything you’d like to say before I close the ceremony? JUSTIN embarrassed Ummm, no sir…Rest in Peace, Pookie! the crowd agrees, “Rest In Peace, Pookie” REVEREND J So with that, I will close with a prayer! May you all bow your head and close your eyes… NARRATOR The repast to the funeral takes place immediately after the service, giving mourners their final moments with the body. In the kitchen, there are small refreshments for the guests. Peaches and Justin stand by the doorway to the kitchen.

PEACHES to Justin, somberly Hey, I didn’t know you felt so strongly about Pookie! He must have meant a lot to you… JUSTIN dazed Huh? Oh! Yeah, he was my favorite big cousin… PEACHES (beat) Well, I’m going to go back to the shop to open for the afternoon rush! I’m here if you need me Justin, for real. Come by to the shop later? JUSTIN still dazed Huh? Oh! Yeah! I will! PEACHES Bye… JUSTIN See you. NARRATOR The Reverend enters the kitchen. He’s greeted by a guest. GUEST Great sermon, Reverend! You really know how to rile up a crowd! REVEREND J Thank you, son. I’m just a vessel for the Lord. We all are, if we allow ourselves to be used! GUEST Amen to that! Mmmmm. NARRATOR The Reverend notices Justin in the doorway. REVEREND Oh! Hey son! You seemed to be really moved by my sermon, huh? JUSTIN You could say that REVEREND J Well, I really do hope that you would come by and visit the Church here someday. Maybe tomorrow? I ran into your mother and little brother at the market this morning, and she said she’d pay a visit!

JUSTIN I’d love to, but I’m working. REVEREND recting “There’s a time for work, and there’s a time for rest…” JUSTIN True but “those who don’t work, don’t eat.” moment of silence, the two stare down each other for a moment REVEREND (beat) You know your Word, huh? (Beat) Well, here, help yourself to some light refreshments on the table, there. It was good to see you, son. JUSTIN Likewise, sir. NARRATOR Justin approaches the kitchen table. He grabs a napkin in order to pick up the refreshments. Without looking, he grabs himself a pastry for his walk back home. He says his goodbyes and leaves the Reverend’s house. Before he takes his first steps, he takes a bite out of the pastry, instantly noticing the familiar flavor and texture of the Beany Brew’s Banana Nut Muffin. End. .

Tanya ’ s FAMILY UNIT Episode 1 ”MAMA SAID SHE HAD A DREAM” Written by THA WORLD PREMIER Intro: “Wolverine (Live)” by Diana Gordon TANYA [Waking up from a vivid dream] Hey!! !! Ahh!! OHHH!! Oh my God! Ah-Alex! Alex! ALEX [Enters Tanya’s bedroom] Yes! You-you alright, Gramma? You-you look— TANYA Oh, hand me a towel, Alex, please! [sighing] Alex grabs a towel from the walk-in closet and hands it to TANYA. ALEX You sure are sweaty, Gramma. And are you, are you wearing a bra?

TANYA: Oh, Alex! I had just had a dream—uh, uh revelation! It—it was amazing! ALEX [repeats] Amazing?…Uhh Gramma where’s your hair go? TANYA: [continuing to wipe sweat off of her body] It was terrifying! ALEX Terrifying? TANYA It was— [just noticing what ALEX mentioned about her wearing her wig] Grandson, Oh! I-I shave my head every night and I sleep in my bald head because it makes me feel closer to God, ok? And—and– [she scourges to find her day wig. She finds it. Places it on lopsided] And every morning God makes my hair grow back! Now-now mind your business about that! ALEX Well, was your dream amazing or was it terrifying? You’re gonna have to pick one! TANYA [beat] [sighs] Hand me my water on the dresser, Alex. ALEX grabs the water and passes it to TANYA TANYA [an air of relief] It was everything mixed into one, Grandson! And I have to tell you all about it. ALEX Ok! But first, can I eat some of your famous candy popcorn while you tell me the story? TANYA Oh, you! Yes, it’s in the dresser, third drawer on the right.

ALEX takes out a circular tin filled with assortments of candy popcorn. TANYA’s been making popcorn for ALEX since he was a baby. ALEX sits in the foot of the bed, giving TANYA his full attention, well, somewhat half attention. He’s sorting thru the tin bucket of popcorn finding his favorite flavor, “Blue.” Success. He starts to snack, smacking loudly. TANYA Oh, Alex! Have you ever had one of those kinds of dreams? One of those kinds of dreams you’ve been waiting your whole life to have? ALEX [mouth full of popcorn] Uh Uh! Well, that’s because I’m only 9. TANYA Oh! Haha! That’s right! And you’re so wise for your age, too. ALEX [smacking popcorn loudly] Thanks, Gramma! TANYA Well. My dream. It started out as a memory. A memory I thought I had buried long long ago: I was about your age, or a bit older. Living with my Momma and Gramma, just like you. I had to fetch the water from the Town’s Well. Fetch the water for the day. ALEX From a well? Was this the 1800s? TANYA Haha! Damn near! On this particular day, I met this boy. He looked a bit older than me. And he talked like he was from outta town somewhere. He wasn’t fetching water, he was just there. Oh, he swooned me right away, Alex! ALEX What was his name, Gramma? TANYA [in astonishment] Alexander! ALEX [mouth full] No way!

TANYA Yes way! Oh, honey, Alexander and I talked from Dawn till Noon. Oh my Momma was so mad I hadn’t brought back water in time to make her some porridge before work! ALEX Ew, porridge. TANYA Haha, I know right! Alexander met me at the same place, same time for the next three, 4 weeks. Oh, we talked about everything! But not the usual talk of the town, you know? ALEX Mm mmmm TANYA He talked to me about the backbone of life. It was nothing like I ever heard Pastor talk about life. But the town pastor was as dumb as a bag of toenails ALEX Was he stinky like one, too? TANYA Anyways, Alexander and I agreed to meet at night. After everyone had gone to sleep. See, We had never done that before. Grandson, I had never done anything like that before! I was scared reckless, but Alexander made me feel safe. He said he would show me how to read the stars. Told me that way I could find myself in any given situation and find myself outta them, too. So I took a nap in the afternoon, make sure I was rested. Made sure Momma and Gramma were sound asleep. Thankfully they were some heavy sleepers! ALEX So that’s where you get it from! TANYA Oh, hush, boy! I snuck out, tiptoed across the field and waited at that well. I waited and I waited. ALEX Some gentlemen. TANYA I never said he was a gentleman. He was quite the opposite, actually. ALEX Gramma likes bad boys!

TANYA I sure do. And that’s what’s wrong with me now [she snickers] I had waited enough. Soon as I stepped to make my way back to the house, I heard panting. In comes Alexander from across the field, gasping for breathe! “Is-is you alright? Why’s you running all this way to see me?” ALEX Aww! A romantic sprint! TANYA I wish, baby. You see, Alexander was from way outta town. Come to think of it, I never knew where he actually came from. But he was on the run. He steady panting, catching his breathe. “Run with me!” He says! “Run? Run where, Alexander?” “No time to explain! You see that Star, up there?” He points out. “I see lots of stars, Alexander.” “It’s the brightest star of the summer. We follow that Star and it’ll lead us to our wildest dreams!” ALEX My wildest dream is for this story to never end! Oh, and for more candy popcorn! TANYA [ignoring the comment] See, that’s the thing right there. I-I had no wild dreams at that age, Alex. All’s I had known was school, fetching water, my Momma. I hadn’t dared to dream. [beat] All of sudden, hounds start barking out. I see lights. Alexander was on the run from the law! ALEX Bad boys, bad boys! Whatcha gonna do? TANYA Well I wasn’t gonna stick around to find out. Alexander had grabbed my hand and started running off. I snatched that hand back so quick! “Now where’s you think we going now? I-I just met you, I-I can’t just leave!” He stops for a moment and smiles. That Star he pointed to reflected in his eyes as he looked at me. “I admire your fortitude. I’ll always remember you, my sweet. And whenever you wish to see me again, just know that I’m always a star away.” And just like that he disappeared. ALEX What about the dogs? TANYA I was just getting to that! Oh them hounds had the biggest teeth, I was petrified. But there was nowhere to run to, Alex! So I did what I had to do! [beat] I jumped into the well!

ALEX WHAT!? You’re like that nursery rhyme! TANYA Nah, but I did bump my head on the way down. Quite a few times, actually. [beat] And that’s where my dream turned…funky. See, baby, I don’t remember much from that night. Mostly what happened as a result. But last night, it—it all came back to me. I-I was falling, you see? My hair grew bout 30 inches, I was wearing my night dress. I just kept on…falling. Falling. Like there was no bottom. Nothing to catch me. I thought I would be falling forever. Memories passed by me, old lovers, friends, flashes of joy, sorrow, heartbreak, and triumph. I would experience them for a moment but then the next, they were gone. It’s like I couldn’t hold on to nothing, Alex. ALEX Sounds like my mom when she’s trying to put lotion on me. TANYA Oh, you always got something to say! That’s what I love about you. [beat] You see, Alex, I ain’t never been the same since I met Alexander and bumped my head down that well all those years ago. ALEX Is it because of your offset dementia? TANYA Who—who told you about that, Alex? ALEX I-I overheard Mom talking about it to Cousin Louie TANYA That no good thieving bastard! ALEX Oooh!!! Can I cus, too, Gramma? TANYA [gathers herself] No! No, baby, you can’t! I’m—I’m sorry. [beat] [she leans in] Ain’t nothing but some old snooty doctor trying to get me outta here before my time, baby. Ain’t nobody got no dementia! It’s just… [she looks out her window]

I’ve just been too afraid to…to speak my mind…until today! Get up, Alex! ALEX Where we going, Gramma? TANYA We’re going to gather up everybody. I have something I wanna share! ALEX Everybody, everybody? That’s a lot of bodies! TANYA Well we’re gonna need all the help we can get with this idea I have in my mind. Cmon, it’s gonna be fun! Let’s assemble this Family Unit! ALEX Alright! Wait, Gramma, what’s a Family Unit? TANYA Here, I’ll tell you all about it in the van. Go get ready now! ALEX leaves the room. TANYA gets a glimpse at her reflection in the mirror. Suddenly an image of Alexander appears next to her. ALEXANDER Remember, I’m always a star away. TANYA I will always remember, My Love. Let it lead me to you. End.

Tanya ’ s FAMILY UNIT Episode 2 “GRANDMA’S SOAP BOX” Written by THA WORLD PREMIER ALEX leaves the house and hops off the front porch. He notices a package packed in purple foil on the step. ALEX Ooh! Gramma! Granma! You got a “purple” package! ALEX runs towards the van. TANYA’s two-toned Mitsubishi Star Wagon, still runs smoothly, as smoothly as a 30-year old Star Wagon could. ALEX jumps into the back passenger side. The automatic sliding doors jerk a little in the middle of its closing. TANYA takes her shoe and throws it at the door. The impact causes the door to fully close. TANYA Oh! Hand me back my slipper, Alex. ALEX Here ya go! TANYA A package? Who’s it from? ALEX

Ummm it’s from—- A loud honk from the Star Wagon overweighs ALEX’s voice TANYA Oh shucks! TANYA slams the brakes with her foot two times, she honks the horn five times and turns the key in the ignition 8 times. TANYA Ok! All good to go! [beat] just hand me that box, baby. We’ll open it when we get back. ALEX Here you go! I think you’re gonna like it. It smells like a box of soap! The Wagon pulls off the lot. ALEX Uh, Gramma! TANYA Yes, baby? ALEX Where are we going? TANYA To…to…oh shoot! Well I don’t know, baby. My-my plan was-was… ALEX [remembering] To go tell everybody about your dream! And..and invite them to dinner! TANYA Oh! That’s-that’s right, baby! Oh! Look at you. You’re so smart. ALEX And handsome! TANYA Haha. And handsome! [beat] Well, who-who should we start with?

ALEX We can start with Mom! What time is it? Lunch time? She’s usually getting her post-Lunch steps in right now around City Hall! TANYA Then City Hall it is! Let’s move! TANYA turns the Star Wagon down Aldebaran Alley and onto the Jagwire Junction. The car’s engine makes some funny noise. TANYA Uh, Alex, please tell me that was your acid reflux acting up again. ALEX Uh uh! I took 4 tums right before we left…or 7? TANYA Ah shucks, it's the van! She’s breaking down. Traffic starts to congest behind TANYA’s van. Excessive honking. TANYA [to the crowd] Ahh move around me now! Can’t you see I can’t move? ALEX Gramma, what’s the matter? TANYA Oh, I think the ole van just needs fuel. I hadn’t gotten any in a while. TANYA starts to feel around for her change purse. TANYA No change? Uh, Alex? You wouldn’t happen to have any allowance money on you? Gramma will pay you back at home! ALEX checks his pockets and digs in his socks. Candy popcorn falls out. ALEX [embarrassed] Uhhh I was saving that for an “on the road” snack. [beat] uh no no change, sorry, Gramma.

TANYA Oh shucks! The two jumbo out of the wagon and step onto the curb. Not too far in the distance, towards the east side of town, are bright lights. Ones that you would see at a movie premiere. TANYA Is—is that a new cinema? ALEX: No! It’s Cousin Louie’s new funeral home! TANYA Fu-funeral home? Louie’s Lavish Land of the Living Funeral Home looked nothing like your typical funeral home. Complete with its own mega parking lot, the building was covered in neon lights, reminiscent of a dance club. The lights flashed a purple hue. The revolving jumbo movie premiere lights flashed out to the sky and rotated towards the building, revealing two jumbo tv screens. On the screen were two giant pictures of Cousin Louie’s face. ALEX Jamesy works there! I bet we can ask him for some money! TANYA J-Jamesy works there? ALEX: Yeah! Remember at the grand opening last month?! Cousin Louie hired him! TANYA I-I don’t. [beat] Well, let’s go! ALEX and TANYA approach the funeral home. There is a line of mourners dressed in black. Some crying, some stalling, all holding tickets. Suddenly a figure appears from the entrance doors. It’s Cousin Louie. He’s wearing a large purple top hat along with a purple pressed suit, holding a diamond encrusted cane. COUSIN LOUIE Welcome! Welcome! To the family of…eh eh Jack [to his assistant] who’s this dead man’s family's name? Johnson? [back to the crowd] Johnson…yes Johnson and.. [back to his assistant] and what’s his last name? Johnson? [back to the crowd]

Johnson Johnson! Please step up, give your tickets to the doorman. Doorman, please triple check the tickets as some of our patrons have been forging them on the internet. Come one come all! The crowd starts to file into the funeral home. ALEX and TANYA walk to the front of the line COUSIN LOUIE Wow wow wow now! Read the very expensive gold-encrusted sign, it reads “ No ticket no entry—Ta-Tanya? What a surprise! What’s yo crazy ass doing out the house in the daylight? Do I gotta call someone? Hahaha I’m just playing now, good to see you, sister! And little Alex! Still eating ya Gramma’s popcorn I can see! Hahaha TANYA This is supposed to be a funeral home, Louie? It looks like a movie theater. COUSIN LOUIE Well, have you been to one of our funeral services? It’s truly a spectacle! Haha TANYA I’m sure. ALEX I wanna see the spectacle! COUSIN LOUIE You sure can, Little Man. Just go to the website and reserve your ticket right now. You don’t even have to be related to the deceased! Haha! Just remember to bring a…charitable donation for the dearly departed! ALEX Ok! TANYA Oh, let’s go Alex. TANYA grabs ALEX’s hand before he can take out his phone. ALEX Hey! COUSIN LOUIE Aww, why in a rush, sis? TANYA I have some business to attend to, Louie.

COUSIN LOUIE Business? Now, why you ain’t say that in the first place? You know ya baby brother is all about those Benjamins. TANYA Good! Because I can use someone with your wit and desire to cheat people out they money. COUSIN LOUIE You know that’s my forte, Suga. Let’s discuss this over dinner, tonight? TANYA My place. At 7! Cmon on now Alex. COUSIN LOUIE Show starts in 5! Make sure you buy our luxury 4-ply napkins and artisanal church mints from our concession stand! Oh and candy popcorn, we have that, too! Ahahahaha. ALEX But Gramma, I thought you hated Cousin Louie, remember? You called him a no good thieving— TANYA I know what I said, don’t go repeating now. It’s just, I wasn’t lying when I said I could use his help. Louie may be a lot of things, a lot of low-down conniving things, but he sure does know how to make money. [beat] But enough of that, we need to go— ALEX Hey Jamesy! JAMESY walks out of the funeral home movie theater after the crowd fills in. He’s wearing all black, holding a broom. JAMESY Alex! What’s good, baby cousin! The two embrace. JAMESY notices TANYA JAMESY Gramma T? Wha-what are you doing out at this time? TANYA Gramma T? That’s—that’s all I get? (Nervous laughs) What—what about…our song? Oh come on! “Gramma T will always be the same! Just don’t forget, her baby, little James…”—don’t. Don’t you remember?

JAMESY I mean, yeah, I remember. TBH I…didn’t think you remembered that song…. Silence. TANYA It’s all starting to come back to me, Jamesy. I promise. Silence. JAMESY [beat] Anyways, I’m about to go sweep the parking lot. Some family decided to have their Repass as a tailgate. Wh—what are y’all doing here? ALEX The wagon broke down and we need some gas money! TANYA: (embarrassed) Yeah..yeah baby, I left my change at home. I—I pay you back tonight, you come over for dinner? I have something I wanna share with you all! JAMESY I wish I could help, Gramma T, but I don’t get paid until tomorrow. I got nothing. TANYA Aww. Well. That’s ok, baby. FaceTime call rings. ALEX answers his phone. He covers the camera not to reveal where he is. ALEX Uhhh, hi mom. TISHA Alex! Why is the front-facing camera off? Where are you? ALEX Uhhh I’m at home, duh. with Gramma. COUSIN LOUIE: [in the distance] Last call for the Johnson Johnson funeral service! Last call!

TISHA [on the phone] Funeral service? Alex are you at the funeral home? You’re supposed to be at home taking care of your Gramma, she’s not well. TANYA Oh, I’m fine, Tisha! Stop that. TISHA Mom! What are you doing outside! The doctor told you to get plenty of rest, you’re-you’re supposed to be bed-ridden for 3 days after your incident. It’s not wise for you to be out! [beat] See, this is exactly what Uncle Louie and I were talking about, you shouldn’t be unsupervised…[beat] what was I thinking leaving you with Alex! TANYA Oh! Get off your soap box, Tisha, I’m fine! I just—- TANYA’s face draws a blank and suddenly TANYA Soap box! Soap box! ALEX Soap box? JAMESY It’s when someone decides to start preaching about a topic that has been run into the ground TISHA I know what a soap box is, Jamesy, thank you. TANYA No! You fools! I mean, I love you but.. My soap box! TANYA runs back to the Star Wagon. She grabs the package and rips open the purple wrapping paper. It is indeed a box of soap. Inside, however, is a credit card. ALEX and JAMESY run to the wagon. JAMESY Wow! Gramma T, you got a Black AMEX?

TANYA A black what? Uh Alex, baby, read the name on this card for me. ALEX Alexander…Grant! Hey! It-isn’t that the man of your dreams? TANYA Yeah…? He-he was in my dream. I-I can’t believe this. I don’t even know if there’s any money on this thing. ALEX Allow me! ALEX snatches the card from TANYA TANYA Alex, come back! Jamesy, get that boy!. ALEX punches in the numbers from the credit card into his phone. ALEX There is! There is money! I just ordered us two tickets for the Johnson Johnson funeral show! JAMESY Gramma T, that’s a black AMEX card. There’s gotta be like at least a milli on there. TANYA Alexander Grant? But How? JAMESY Here, I’ll go fill up the wagon, and y’all two go catch that show. JAMESY takes the keys and gas can from the wagon and runs to the nearest gas station. Tanya looks at the card again, this time paying attention to its design; five stars follow along the edge of the card leading to the back to reveal the name Alexander Grant. On the back, a reflection logo reveals Alexander’s face. TANYA [to herself] Always a star away! ALEX Cmon Gramma! TANYA I’m on my way! End.

Tanya ’ s FAMILY UNIT Episode 3 ”MEET THE FLONKERS” Written by THA WORLD PREMIER 5:30PM. TANYA’s House. The telephone rings. ALEX answers: ALEX Alex speaking. TISHA Alex! I’m off from work. [beat]I just got an e-vite to Tha Flonkner’s Fest? It looks like a flyer for Coachella! “Moonbounces? Face-painting and a big surprise” Did Gramma put you up to this? ALEX Yes! Well, no! But I did help her design the invitation, do you like it? TISHA Alex, this is not about what I like, it’s about being concerned with Gramma T’s behavior. Like I said, I’m on my way home and we’ll sort this out when I get— ALEX Oooh you must be the petting zoo! Yeah, you can place the goats way over there in the corner!

TISHA Petting zoo? Goats! Alex? ALEX Uhhh later mom! See ya later! Drive safely now! ALEX hangs up. ALEX Whew. That was close. I almost spoiled the mariachi band! [to the band] Boys! The festival is on! The Mariachi band begins to play. TANYA enters from her bedroom. She’s wearing a ruby red gown with matching slides. Her hair is curled, revealing rubies hanging from her ears ALEX Wow! Gramma, you look amazing! TANYA Thank you, Grandson! It’s been a while since I got all dolled up, huh? Ooh the mariachi band sounds nice! Let’s wait outside for the food to arrive! TANYA and ALEX proceed outdoors to the front porch. As they wait, JAMESY and his girlfriend EVA arrive. ALEX Hey Jamesy! JAMESY Hey, woah! A chicken flies across JAMESY’s face JAMESY Gramma T, was that a chicken? TANYA It sure was! [beat] Welcome to the First Annual Flonkner’s Festival! We have a mariachi band playing inside, and out back you’ll find all of our amazing festival activities! EVA Uh hi, Misses Flonkner! TANYA Oh! Call me Gramma, baby!

EVA Uh ok! Gramma! Hehehe. [to Jamesy] Oh! gonna go check out the petting zoo, babe. I’ve always wanted to pet a goat! Baaaahhhhhh! EVA runs to the back yard with ALEX TANYA Oh, she’s…something! JAMESY Haaa, yeah!? [beat] Uh, Gramma? TANYA Yes, baby? JAMESY You didn’t happen to buy all this stuff with that Black Amex card you got in the mail today, did you? TANYA What!? Of course I did, baby! That card belonged to your granddaddy! JAMESY For real!? [beat] I’ve never heard you talk about Grandpa before! TANYA Well, if you stick around tonight, I’ll tell you all about him! JAMESY Cool, Gramma! [beat] Oh and Gramma! TANYA Yes, hun? JAMESY I’m glad you’re feeling better. I just knew you’d get better some day! TANYA I’m better than ever, baby. [better] Now go have fun! A car pulls up the front of the house. It’s COUSIN LOUIE. In the back of his convertible are hot serving trays. He steps out.

COUSIN LOUIE Now, when you invited me over for dinner, I wasn’t expecting that I’d have to BRING the dinner, too. TANYA Oh hush now and bring that food inside! COUSIN LOUIE Ohhh sukki sukki now, who you don got all dressed up for? I know a scamming hussey when I see one HAHAHAHA TANYA If you don’t shut the hell up, Louie! Goodness. I feel good, ok? And I look it, too! COUSIN LOUIE Well, I’m just saying, one day you bump your head and forget the whole world exists and now you’re throwing festivals, and headlining as the “lady in red.” Now, what’s going on? TANYA You, of all people should know, that God works in mysterious ways. And don’t go questioning, mixing in all ya logic with the unknown ways of the spirit. Now go on and get that food in the house fore it gets cold! COUSIN LOUIE [to the side] Mhmmm mysterious my ass. You prolly went up a dose or two on ya meds, I know crazy when I see it! TANYA heads inside the house. In comes TISHA, ALEX’s mom, in her 2020 Honda Civic. She’s wearing business professional. Not long after comes in TASHA, her twin sister, in her Bubble gum Pink Beamer. She’s wearing whatever she wants, because she’s an entrepreneur. ALEX hears the cars pull up from the backyard and runs to curb. ALEX Aunt Tasha! Aunt Tasha! ALEX slows down and pivots when he sees his mom. TISHA is glaring at him with pure anger. TISHA: ALEX!!!! ALEX: AHHHH! ALEX runs into TAHSA’s arms. TASHA is blocking ALEX’s mom from grabbing him