FRONT COVER

WHAT IF THE MEDIUM REALLY WASN’T THE MESSAGE?

2022

And what if we all stopped to reflect on the wee bit of seduction baked into McLuhan’s genius coinage: serpent-like, it tempts us to concentrate on how we connect instead of what we actually say. And what do you know, here we are: living in a weird world redolent with TikTok confections, metaverse fictions, AI headbends, crypto cotton candy, political memes, and more self-actualized personal branding bullchips than you can shake out of a cowshed. Thus do we arrive at the page in front of you, the introduction to our second annual compilation of what we like to call “fortune cookies” — bite-sized observational crunchies that hopefully please the palate and then tease the mind. Suggested in the depths of the pandemic by one of our more brilliant brainchildren, this collection reflects our admittedly twisted view of the year that was. Ergo et conclusio: if the “message really was the message” then we would all understand that substance, at least in advertising, should always trump spin. And, while truth may be the last refuge of scoundrels, at least it offers a measure of refuge. Enjoy.

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WHAT IF THE MESSAGE WAS TRULY THE MESSAGE?

2022

And what if we all stopped to reflect on the wee bit of seduction baked into McLuhan’s genius coinage: serpent-like, it tempts us to concentrate on how we connect instead of what we actually say. And what do you know, here we are: living in a weird world redolent with TikTok confections, metaverse fictions, AI headbends, crypto cotton candy, political memes, and more self-actualized personal branding bullchips than you can shake out of a cowshed. Thus do we arrive at the page in front of you, the introduction to our second annual compilation of what we like to call “fortune cookies” — bite-sized observational crunchies that hopefully please the palate and then tease the mind. Suggested in the depths of the pandemic by one of our more brilliant brainchildren, this collection reflects our admittedly twisted view of the year that was. Ergo et conclusio: if the “message really was the message” then we would all understand that substance, at least in advertising, should always trump spin. And, while truth may be the last refuge of scoundrels, at least it offers a measure of refuge. Enjoy.

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WHAT IF THE MESSAGE WAS TRULY THE MESSAGE?

2022 1 CHAPTER

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AGAINST STUPIDITY, THE VERY GODS THEMSELVES CONTEND IN VAIN. – FRIEDRICH SCHILLER

2022 1 CHAPTER

3 4

AGAINST STUPIDITY, THE VERY GODS THEMSELVES CONTEND IN VAIN. – FRIEDRICH SCHILLER

HOLMES TO WATSON: YOU OBSERVE, BUT DO NOT SEE. WORLD TO ADLAND: YOU LISTEN, BUT DO NOT HEAR. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 5 6

OMNICOM CREATES CHIEF DATA PRIVACY OFFICER ROLE. HIS DUTIES CONSIST OF NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

HOLMES TO WATSON: YOU OBSERVE, BUT DO NOT SEE. WORLD TO ADLAND: YOU LISTEN, BUT DO NOT HEAR. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 5 6

OMNICOM CREATES CHIEF DATA PRIVACY OFFICER ROLE. HIS DUTIES CONSIST OF NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

IF LIVING IS AN ART, NOT A SCIENCE, WHY DO SO MANY EXPERTS THINK ADVERTISING IS A SCIENCE, NOT AN ART? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 7 8

ARE WE“SO FOCUSED ON THE A” PART OF AI THAT WE’VE “ COMPLETELY LOST SIGHT OF THE I”?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

IF LIVING IS AN ART, NOT A SCIENCE, WHY DO SO MANY EXPERTS THINK ADVERTISING IS A SCIENCE, NOT AN ART? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 7 8

ARE WE“SO FOCUSED ON THE A” PART OF AI THAT WE’VE “ COMPLETELY LOST SIGHT OF THE I”?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

MAYBE BIG TECH WILL EAT THE WORLD. LATELY, THOUGH, THE WORLD SEEMS TO BE BITING BACK.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 9 10

“ FAIRY TALE: THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES.” FACT: CANNES IS HOLDING ITS FIRST-EVER NFT SUMMIT. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

MAYBE BIG TECH WILL EAT THE WORLD. LATELY, THOUGH, THE WORLD SEEMS TO BE BITING BACK.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 9 10

“ FAIRY TALE: THE EMPEROR’S NEW CLOTHES.” FACT: CANNES IS HOLDING ITS FIRST-EVER NFT SUMMIT. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

INTRODUCING AVATARS. WITH LEGS. IN THE METAVERSE. WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 11 12

BITCOIN WILL BE THE OFFICIAL CURRENCY OF THE METAVERSE. BECAUSE GOING BANKRUPT IN THE REAL WORLD ISN’T MAGICAL. DUH. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

INTRODUCING AVATARS. WITH LEGS. IN THE METAVERSE. WILL WONDERS NEVER CEASE?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 11 12

BITCOIN WILL BE THE OFFICIAL CURRENCY OF THE METAVERSE. BECAUSE GOING BANKRUPT IN THE REAL WORLD ISN’T MAGICAL. DUH. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT CRYPTOCURRENCY PROMOTERS MATT DAMON, LARRY DAVID, AND KIM KARDASHIAN ALL ASKED FOR PAYMENT IN COLD HARD CASH? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 13 14

ALT. FACTS. ALT. MONEY. ALT. REALITY. WHERE DOES IT ALT. END?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

WHAT ARE THE ODDS THAT CRYPTOCURRENCY PROMOTERS MATT DAMON, LARRY DAVID, AND KIM KARDASHIAN ALL ASKED FOR PAYMENT IN COLD HARD CASH? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 13 14

ALT. FACTS. ALT. MONEY. ALT. REALITY. WHERE DOES IT ALT. END?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

2022 2 CHAPTER

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YOU CAN TAKE PRETTY MUCH ANY SENTENCE IN THIS BOOK AND IF YOU READ IT ENOUGH TIMES, YOU WILL PROBABLY END UP COMMITTING A HOMICIDE. – MALCOLM GLADWELL

2022 2 CHAPTER

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YOU CAN TAKE PRETTY MUCH ANY SENTENCE IN THIS BOOK AND IF YOU READ IT ENOUGH TIMES, YOU WILL PROBABLY END UP COMMITTING A HOMICIDE. – MALCOLM GLADWELL

STUPID PET TRICKS. STUPID HUMAN TRICKS. SILLY DANCING. PRANKS. DIY. RECIPES. SEEMS LIKE TIKTOK IS JUST A RERUN OF 1980s CABLE. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 17 18

PARIS? INANE. KANYE? INSANE. KIM? POLYURETHANE. SEEMS LIKE THE TREND IS TRENDING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

STUPID PET TRICKS. STUPID HUMAN TRICKS. SILLY DANCING. PRANKS. DIY. RECIPES. SEEMS LIKE TIKTOK IS JUST A RERUN OF 1980s CABLE. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 17 18

PARIS? INANE. KANYE? INSANE. KIM? POLYURETHANE. SEEMS LIKE THE TREND IS TRENDING IN THE WRONG DIRECTION. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

A 20% INCREASE IN AFTER-HOURS WORK SINCE 2020. DOES THAT MAKE IT A HOME OFFICE OR A HOME INVASION? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 19 20

FLASHING TIGHTYWHITIES ON ZOOM: BAD. FACIAL RECOGNITION AI READING YOUR MIND ON ZOOM: WORSE.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

A 20% INCREASE IN AFTER-HOURS WORK SINCE 2020. DOES THAT MAKE IT A HOME OFFICE OR A HOME INVASION? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 19 20

FLASHING TIGHTYWHITIES ON ZOOM: BAD. FACIAL RECOGNITION AI READING YOUR MIND ON ZOOM: WORSE.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

A PROMINENT PHYSICIST SAYS QUANTUM COMPUTING IS ALL HYPE. SOUNDS PERFECT FOR THE METAVERSE.

IT’S THE TWITTER CONUNDRUM: COMMERCIAL SUCCESS OR ”CRASH AND BURN LIKE A TESLA ON AUTOPILOT”? – DAN SINKER, SLATE MAGAZINE

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 21 22

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

A PROMINENT PHYSICIST SAYS QUANTUM COMPUTING IS ALL HYPE. SOUNDS PERFECT FOR THE METAVERSE.

IT’S THE TWITTER CONUNDRUM: COMMERCIAL SUCCESS OR ”CRASH AND BURN LIKE A TESLA ON AUTOPILOT”? – DAN SINKER, SLATE MAGAZINE

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 21 22

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

RECESSION INSANITY: MAKING ADS THE SAME WAY AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 23 24

IT’S PREDICTED THE UPCOMING RECESSION WILL BE SHORT AND SHALLOW. JUST LIKE THE PUNDITS PREDICTING IT. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

RECESSION INSANITY: MAKING ADS THE SAME WAY AND EXPECTING DIFFERENT RESULTS. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 23 24

IT’S PREDICTED THE UPCOMING RECESSION WILL BE SHORT AND SHALLOW. JUST LIKE THE PUNDITS PREDICTING IT. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

2022 3 CHAPTER

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FREEDOM! TO SPIT IN THE EYES AND SOULS OF PASSERSBY WITH ADVERTISEMENTS. – ALEKSANDR SOLZHENITSYN

2022 3 CHAPTER

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FREEDOM! TO SPIT IN THE EYES AND SOULS OF PASSERSBY WITH ADVERTISEMENTS. – ALEKSANDR SOLZHENITSYN

IF BEEF-SCENTED BEDSHEETS ARE A MARKETING THING, ARE HEINZ 57– PERFUMED PILLOWS TOO MUCH TO ASK? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 27 28

SUM ADVERTIZERS DUM DWN ADZ BECUZ THY THNK CONSUMRS DN’T RAED.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

IF BEEF-SCENTED BEDSHEETS ARE A MARKETING THING, ARE HEINZ 57– PERFUMED PILLOWS TOO MUCH TO ASK? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 27 28

SUM ADVERTIZERS DUM DWN ADZ BECUZ THY THNK CONSUMRS DN’T RAED.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

MEDIA TWO YEARS AGO: MEASURING VALUE BASED ON IMPRESSIONS. MEDIA LAST WEEK: STILL TWO YEARS FROM BEING SURE WHAT AN IMPRESSION IS WORTH. MEDIA NEXT WEEK: NOT IMPRESSED. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 29 30

AVATARS SLINGING MINDLESS MEMES. IS THIS POLITICAL ADVERTISING’S BRAVE NEW WORLD?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

MEDIA TWO YEARS AGO: MEASURING VALUE BASED ON IMPRESSIONS. MEDIA LAST WEEK: STILL TWO YEARS FROM BEING SURE WHAT AN IMPRESSION IS WORTH. MEDIA NEXT WEEK: NOT IMPRESSED. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 29 30

AVATARS SLINGING MINDLESS MEMES. IS THIS POLITICAL ADVERTISING’S BRAVE NEW WORLD?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

THE METAVERSE IS A LONG WAY FROM REALITY. BUT NOT TO WORRY, THERE’S ALREADY AN ADS AWARDS SHOW FOR IT. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 31 32

BEANIE BABIES. CABBAGE PATCH KIDS. NFTS. IS IT TIME TO GET RID OF ALL THOSE WORTHLESS COLLECTABLES? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

THE METAVERSE IS A LONG WAY FROM REALITY. BUT NOT TO WORRY, THERE’S ALREADY AN ADS AWARDS SHOW FOR IT. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 31 32

BEANIE BABIES. CABBAGE PATCH KIDS. NFTS. IS IT TIME TO GET RID OF ALL THOSE WORTHLESS COLLECTABLES? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

THIS YEAR’S POLITICAL ADS: POSSIBLY THE MOST COMPELLING ARGUMENT FOR PAYING STREAMING SUBSCRIPTION FEES. EVER. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 33 34

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PERSONAL BRANDING AND BRAGGING? ENOUGH ABOUT YOU, LET’S TALK ABOUT US. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

THIS YEAR’S POLITICAL ADS: POSSIBLY THE MOST COMPELLING ARGUMENT FOR PAYING STREAMING SUBSCRIPTION FEES. EVER. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 33 34

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PERSONAL BRANDING AND BRAGGING? ENOUGH ABOUT YOU, LET’S TALK ABOUT US. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

ADVERTISING: ART IN PURSUIT OF COMMERCE, OR COMMERCE IN NEED OF ART?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 35 36

DONE RIGHT, A BRAND MANIFESTO IS A THING OF BEAUTY. DONE WRONG, A PILE OF SMELLY DOGGIE DOO-DOO, LIT ON FIRE. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

ADVERTISING: ART IN PURSUIT OF COMMERCE, OR COMMERCE IN NEED OF ART?

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 35 36

DONE RIGHT, A BRAND MANIFESTO IS A THING OF BEAUTY. DONE WRONG, A PILE OF SMELLY DOGGIE DOO-DOO, LIT ON FIRE. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

FACEBOOK SAYS LOW-QUALITY VIDEOS ARE MORE ”AUTHENTIC.” DOES THAT ALSO APPLY TO LOW-QUALITY PRODUCTS? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 37 38

HAVEN’T HEARD ABOUT BOSSWARE SPYING ON YOUR REMOTE PRODUCTIVITY? AI KNOWS THAT, TOO.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

FACEBOOK SAYS LOW-QUALITY VIDEOS ARE MORE ”AUTHENTIC.” DOES THAT ALSO APPLY TO LOW-QUALITY PRODUCTS? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 37 38

HAVEN’T HEARD ABOUT BOSSWARE SPYING ON YOUR REMOTE PRODUCTIVITY? AI KNOWS THAT, TOO.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

FROM THOSE NICE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU THE :06 SUPERBOWL AD, NEW FANG RESEARCH THAT SAYS CHEAP, CRAPPY VIDEO IS WHAT SELLS. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 39 40

THERE ARE NO BAD CREATIVE OPPORTUNITIES: ONLY BAD CREATIVE ATTITUDES.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

FROM THOSE NICE PEOPLE WHO BROUGHT YOU THE :06 SUPERBOWL AD, NEW FANG RESEARCH THAT SAYS CHEAP, CRAPPY VIDEO IS WHAT SELLS. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 39 40

THERE ARE NO BAD CREATIVE OPPORTUNITIES: ONLY BAD CREATIVE ATTITUDES.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

2022 4

CHAPTER

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THIS IS ONE TIME WHERE TELEVISION REALLY FAILS TO CAPTURE THE TRUE EXCITEMENT OF A LARGE SQUIRREL PREDICTING THE WEATHER. – PHIL (GROUNDHOG DAY)

2022 4

CHAPTER

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THIS IS ONE TIME WHERE TELEVISION REALLY FAILS TO CAPTURE THE TRUE EXCITEMENT OF A LARGE SQUIRREL PREDICTING THE WEATHER. – PHIL (GROUNDHOG DAY)

TAKE IT FROM US: JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE DYSLEXIC DOESN’T MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE IT BACKWARDS. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 43 44

WHEN, ON HIS DEATHBED, VOLTAIRE WAS ASKED TO RENOUNCE SATAN, HE SAID,”NOW IS NO TIME TO BE MAKING NEW ENEMIES.” BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

TAKE IT FROM US: JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE DYSLEXIC DOESN’T MEAN YOU DON’T HAVE IT BACKWARDS. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 43 44

WHEN, ON HIS DEATHBED, VOLTAIRE WAS ASKED TO RENOUNCE SATAN, HE SAID,”NOW IS NO TIME TO BE MAKING NEW ENEMIES.” BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

GETTING ATTENTION: HARD. GETTING IT WITHOUT IRRITATING, ALIENATING, OR SLAPPING SOMEONE IN THE FACE: HARDER. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 45 46

THERE IS NO ” I” IN TEAM. THEN AGAIN, THERE’S NO ” WE” EITHER. ANOTHER ILLUSION SHATTERED. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

GETTING ATTENTION: HARD. GETTING IT WITHOUT IRRITATING, ALIENATING, OR SLAPPING SOMEONE IN THE FACE: HARDER. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 45 46

THERE IS NO ” I” IN TEAM. THEN AGAIN, THERE’S NO ” WE” EITHER. ANOTHER ILLUSION SHATTERED. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

“CEO THEN: CONFIDENT, STAY THE COURSE, PRESS THE FLESH.” “CEO NOW: CURIOUS, ADAPTIVE, MOTIVATE AT A DISTANCE.” — BIG SHOT BUDDY OF MINE

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 47 48

“

THEN: THE CONSUMER IS NOT A MORON, SHE IS YOUR WIFE.”– DAVID OGILVY “ NOW: THE CONSUMER IS NOT A MORON, HE/SHE/FAE/PRT/ VZ/XE IS YOUR SPOUSE.”– THE INTERNET BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

“CEO THEN: CONFIDENT, STAY THE COURSE, PRESS THE FLESH.” “CEO NOW: CURIOUS, ADAPTIVE, MOTIVATE AT A DISTANCE.” — BIG SHOT BUDDY OF MINE

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 47 48

“

THEN: THE CONSUMER IS NOT A MORON, SHE IS YOUR WIFE.”– DAVID OGILVY “ NOW: THE CONSUMER IS NOT A MORON, HE/SHE/FAE/PRT/ VZ/XE IS YOUR SPOUSE.”– THE INTERNET BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

IF ALL YOU LOOK AT IS THE GROUND, ALL YOU’LL EVER SEE IS THAT YOUR SHOE’S UNTIED.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 49 50

THE TECHNICAL NAME FOR A RECESSION WITH HIGH EMPLOYMENT: OPPORTUNITY.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

IF ALL YOU LOOK AT IS THE GROUND, ALL YOU’LL EVER SEE IS THAT YOUR SHOE’S UNTIED.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 49 50

THE TECHNICAL NAME FOR A RECESSION WITH HIGH EMPLOYMENT: OPPORTUNITY.

BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

IF NO ONE SHOWS YOU THE VIEW FROM THE HIGH DIVE, HOW WILL YOU KNOW IF YOU WANT TO JUMP? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 51 52

NOW THAT WE’VE LEARNED HOW TO DEAL WITH THE PANDEMIC, MAYBE IT’S TIME WE LEARNED HOW TO DEAL WITH ITS CONSEQUENCES. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

IF NO ONE SHOWS YOU THE VIEW FROM THE HIGH DIVE, HOW WILL YOU KNOW IF YOU WANT TO JUMP? BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 51 52

NOW THAT WE’VE LEARNED HOW TO DEAL WITH THE PANDEMIC, MAYBE IT’S TIME WE LEARNED HOW TO DEAL WITH ITS CONSEQUENCES. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG IN YOUR LIFE, JUST YELL ”PLOT TWIST” AND MOVE ON. – ANON. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 53 54

IT’S JANUARY 18. JUST 14 MORE DAYS UNTIL YOU CAN ABANDON YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS COMPLETELY. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

WHEN SOMETHING GOES WRONG IN YOUR LIFE, JUST YELL ”PLOT TWIST” AND MOVE ON. – ANON. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE. 53 54

IT’S JANUARY 18. JUST 14 MORE DAYS UNTIL YOU CAN ABANDON YOUR NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS COMPLETELY. BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.

2022

Ending at the beginning of a new year, such as we are, we’d like to leave you with some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we’re now roughly 22-and-change months from the next presidential election. The bad news, of course, is that we’re now roughly 22-and-change months from the next presidential election. All very consistent with a year that’s been a whole mélange of mixed blessings. However, nothing mixed about this: our gratitude to the clients and creative co-conspirators who’ve allowed us to continue plying the choppy advertising waters and/or sweating under the blazing creative marketing sun to good effect. Your trust, curiosity, and kindness — along with the fact that cab drivers, evil pathogens, manic bike delivery guys, January 6th democracy destroyers, and a variety of international nuclear-armed crazies all gave us a clean miss —allowed us to do good work. For us, that’s made all the difference in the world. L'chaim, Deborah Notestein Loeb, President Brainchild Creative 415-269-6416 [email protected]

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2022

Ending at the beginning of a new year, such as we are, we’d like to leave you with some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we’re now roughly 22-and-change months from the next presidential election. The bad news, of course, is that we’re now roughly 22-and-change months from the next presidential election. All very consistent with a year that’s been a whole mélange of mixed blessings. However, nothing mixed about this: our gratitude to the clients and creative co-conspirators who’ve allowed us to continue plying the choppy advertising waters and/or sweating under the blazing creative marketing sun to good effect. Your trust, curiosity, and kindness — along with the fact that cab drivers, evil pathogens, manic bike delivery guys, January 6th democracy destroyers, and a variety of international nuclear-armed crazies all gave us a clean miss —allowed us to do good work. For us, that’s made all the difference in the world. L'chaim, Deborah Notestein Loeb, President Brainchild Creative 415-269-6416 [email protected]

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BACK COVER

2022 BRAINCHILD CREATIVE.