April 2 • 2023 The Mail on Sunday
7-day TV guide & puzzles pullout BRITAIN’s wittiest TV REVIEWER Deborah Ross
Film music CLASSICAL Theatre books pick of the week
It’s Lily Allen’s first acting role on TV dreamland Thursday, since she was three Sky Atlantic, 9pm – and she’s superb in a comedy drama set in Margate that will be lapped up by fans of Motherland
T
his engrossing comedy drama about the relationship between four sisters is set in Margate, the English seaside town whose glory days as a tourist magnet are long gone (despite more recent attempts to attract hipsters). Dreamland is Margate’s optimistically named amusement park. It’s an ambiguous title for the show, intended ironically because the town is anything but a dreamland, but also as a reference to the siblings’ hopes and ambitions. The sisters all have different fathers, none of whom stayed, so they are very close to their mum, Cheryl (Frances Barber). Trish (Freema Agyeman) is the oldest. She and her husband have two boys and she’s pregnant again, but after three miscarriages in two years, this is an anxious time. In the first episode she’s throwing a pink-themed baby shower to convince the universe to give her a baby girl. Clare (Gabby Best) works for the local paper, where her very real talent as a writer is wasted on trivial stories about unfeasibly large pets and the like. Leila (Aimee-Ffion Edwards), the youngest sister and a bit daffy, works on the refuse bins but has ambitions to drive the truck – once she’s learnt how to drive. But uh-oh, who’s this swaying down the street, swigging Stella from a can and clad head to toe in black? It’s Mel (Lily Allen, right with Agyeman), the fourth sister, who’s been living in France and is returning under a cloud. ‘Smashed in the middle of the day?’ Clare hisses at her when she staggers into Trish’s party. But Mel is guilty of more than just day drinking. She’s keeping a secret that could split the sisterhood. This is being billed as Allen’s TV debut, though she was briefly in a Comic Strip Presents episode when she was three. Is she any good? Yes. Mel is someone whose life isn’t turning out the way she expected, and Allen is excellent at conveying vulnerability and regret. Another standout performance comes from Best as Clare, who has some of the funniest lines. ‘What did you do? Let a model eat your sandwich?’ she asks on hearing that Mel has lost her job in fashion. Dreamland grew out of a comedy short by Sharon Horgan and is made by Merman, the production company Horgan co-founded. You can see the resemblance to other Merman hits, such as Bad Sisters and Motherland. Like its sister shows, Dreamland is funny, but it also has plenty to say about all sorts of serious issues.
Sun, sea and saucy secrets
The Mail on Sunday April 2 • 2023
Deborah Ross
April 2 • 2023 The Mail on Sunday
Britain’s wittiest TV critic
This isn’t a sexy Dickens – it’s more of a dreary snoozefest DOUBLE DOSE OF MALEVOLENCE: Olivia Colman in Great Expectations, and Brian Cox, Sarah Snook and Matthew Macfadyen in Succession
Great Expectations BBC1, Sunday HHHHH Succession Sky Atlantic, Monday HHHHH
I
had been much anticipating the adaptation of Great Expectations by Steven ‘Peaky Blinders’ Knight, as the word was that it was spanky, sexy, druggy – Miss Havisham on opium? – and, I read somewhere, what Charles Dickens might have written if he were alive today. Although I would contest that, as I think he’d have probably written something like The Wire. I was prepared. I was ready. For the spanky, sexy drugginess, but what the pre-publicity had forgotten to whip up a storm about was the fact that it’s quite dramatically inert and dreary. At 9pm last Sunday, along with two other members of my household, I sat down to watch in real time, and by the end of the hour only one of us was awake. We were twothirds down, in other words. I was the one who stayed the course. Because I’m paid to. Otherwise, who knows what might have happened. Modernising classic texts can be successful, particularly when they happen at a lick and with a sense of fun, like Armando Iannucci’s The Personal History Of David Copperfield or ITV’s Vanity Fair, which only I liked, to be fair. But this is deadly, darkly earnest and, rather than excise the boring bits, this seems to add new ones of its own. The first episode opened with adult Pip about to hang himself from a London bridge, which is our first ‘Whoa, that never happened in the book’ moment. The characters are familiar but perhaps not as we know them. By episode two we’ll discover that Mr Pumblechook enjoys being thrashed across his bare bottom by Sara Gargery. Did you ever suspect as much? I did not. But I wouldn’t read too much into that, as I can lack imagination. After the bridge incident, we enter more recognisable territory. Now we spool back to Pip (played by Tom Sweet as a boy and by Fionn Whitehead as an adult) as the young
orphan living with his abusive and, later, b ottom-thrashing sister, Sara (Hayley Squires), and her kind-hearted blacksmith husband, Joe Gargery (Owen McDonnell). They live in a village in the middle of the coastal marshes of Kent, where Pip encounters the terrifying escaped convict Magwitch (Johnny Harris), who frightens him into fetching food and a file. However, before we even make it this far we have to endure several underlit scenes on the prison ship from which Magwitch will flee, and then his tussle with Compeyson (Trystan Gravelle), another escaped convict, that seemed to go on for ever on the misty, monochrome marshes that looked quite CGI. ‘Hurry up and let’s get to Miss Havisham,’ I said to myself, as no one else was awake. Out of curiosity, I had a look at David Lean’s famous film adaptation from 1946. Here, Magwitch has been dealt with by 15 minutes in and we’re with Miss Havisham at the 20-minute mark. Knight has six hours to play with rather than two, that’s true, but it does
Your new easy-to-use On Demand
TV Guide & Finder on
lose narrative propulsion. There were several redundant scenes. Once we know that Pip does not aspire to be a blacksmith, did we have to see him reading a book while Joe clangs around the forge behind him? Once Magwitch is recaptured, do we have to see him back in chains on the ship? Show, don’t tell, of course, but also, know when to stop showing, Finally, finally, through the services of Mr Pumblechook (played by Matt ‘Toast Of London’ Berry, who was born to be a Dickens character), Pip is delivered to Satis House, home to Miss Havisham (Olivia Colman), the crazy rich lady across town who hasn’t left the house or stepped out of her wedding dress since being jilted at the altar 30 years previously. Colman is the best thing thus far, all woozy, mouldering decay with furry teeth and a cruel glint in her eye. Pip has, of course, been enlisted as a playmate for her adopted daughter Estella (Chloe Lea), who is being raised to become a heartless destroyer of men, although Knight has, apparently, changed the
ending. But I haven’t got there yet. Maybe I never will. Succession is back and Succession is thrilling and probably not the series Dickens would write if he were alive today, as there is no one who is noble beyond their circumstances, or even noble at all. I’m an arachnophobe but will watch the spiders at London Zoo just to remind me how horrifying they are, and I feel the same about watching the Roy family who are also, of course, safely contained behind glass. This is to be the last season and it hit the ground running with Logan Roy (Brian Cox) attending his own joyless birthday party while, across the country, his three estranged children – or ‘the rats’, as he calls them – are creating The Hundred, a ‘one-stop info-shop’ that will be ‘Substack meets Masterclass meets The New Yorker meets The Economist’, says Kendall (Jeremy Strong). (I laughed aloud.) But as soon as they wake up to the fact that Daddy is about to buy the Pierce conglomerate (from season two), The Hundred doesn’t seem to be a good idea any more. How about, instead, snaffling Pierce? Right from under Daddy’s nose? This was business as usual, with Roman (Kieran Culkin) and his potty mouth, and Greg (Nicholas Braun) blinking dumbly like a newly born chick, but there was also something new: a deep sense of loneliness running throughout. Logan referred to his bodyguard as his ‘best pal’ and ended his day basically shouting at the TV while Shiv (Sarah Snook) and her disloyal husband, Tom (Matthew Macfadyen), can’t quite let each other go. Or can they? I hope Tom sticks around, as Macfadyen’s performance is currently the best to be seen on TV.
With so many streaming services offering thousands of shows, finding something to watch can be like looking for a needle in a haystack. That’s why we’ve created the On Demand TV Guide with its built-in TV Programme Finder, the simplest way to track down exactly what YOU want to watch and where to find it...
Subscribe for £1 for 3 months* at
mailsubs.co.uk *Auto-renewed at £10.99 per month. Cancel any time.
If you subscribe to Mail+ scan this QR code to go to the On Demand TV Guide.
The Mail on Sunday April 2 • 2023
FILM
The deadly game of cloak and dagger behind Tetris matthew bond Tetris
Cert: 15, 1hr 58mins, available now on Apple TV+
HHHHH Dungeons & Dragons: Honour Among Thieves Cert: 12A, 2hrs 14mins
HHHHH Murder Mystery 2
Cert: 12A, 1hr 29mins, available now on Netflix
HHHHH Mummies
Cert: U, 1hr 28mins
HHHHH God’s Creatures Cert: 15, 1hr 40mins
HHHHH
F
or the uninitiated few, Tetris is a hugely popular video game in which groupings of four squares, arranged in a variety of geometrical configurations, tumble down a screen to be guided into well-ordered lines by the player. It’s simple, addictive and enjoyed by millions, but even its most ardent fan would have to admit it doesn’t sound a very promising basis for a feature film. So, thank heavens it isn’t. The new film that bears its name is actually the murky, cloak-and-dagger story of how the game – designed by a Russian computer programmer before the collapse of the Iron Curtain – came to be licensed and distributed around the world. It involves a relentless American entrepreneur, a reluctant game designer, a beautiful Russian femme fatale, a shady intermediary and who else…? Oh yes, Robert Maxwell and his son Kevin – both brilliantly skewered by Noah Pink’s screenplay and by the delicious performances of Roger Allam and Anthony Boyle respectively. Taron Egerton is excellent, too, in the central role of Henk Rogers, the entrepreneur who first sees Tetris at a Las Vegas trade fair, immediately spots its commercial potential and pursues it with every-
thing he’s got – and, indeed, hasn’t got – even when the combined might of Soviet bureaucracy and the KGB are pitched against him. Directed by Jon S. Baird, who made the excellent Stan & Ollie, Tetris gets off to a compelling start but, somewhere between the endless to-ing and fro-ing along the corridors of a Moscow electronics institute and the labyrinthine arguments over hand-held rights, arcade rights and PC rights, its momentum ebbs away. By the overworked end, it’s almost too complicated for its own good. I’ve never played Dungeons & Dragons and, having seen the film
it’s now inspired, I still have no great desire to. Yes, it’s nice to look at, quite funny at times and decently played by the likes of Chris Pine, Michelle Rodriguez, Hugh Grant and RegéJean Page. But in the wake of Game Of Thrones, Lord Of The Rings and assorted other fantasy quest adaptations, it’s nothing that we haven’t seen before. Red wizard’s blades notwithstanding, of course. Pine plays Edgin, a former Harper (no, me neither) turned tragically widowed thief who sets off to rescue his young daughter from the roguish clutches of his former ally, Forge (Grant), with the help of the fearsome Holga (Rodriguez), a shape-shifting Druid (Sophia Lillis) and a hopeless young wizard (Justice Smith). Still, it is the Easter holidays and a younger audience will definitely enjoy it. Despite mixed reviews, Murder Mystery became quite a hit for Netflix when it was released on the platform back in mum’s the word: Emily Watson in God’s Creatures
2019. Now Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler are reunited for the sequel, which sees several other characters from the original also making a return. This time around, the action unfolds in the Caribbean and Paris, there are distant echoes of Glass Onion and Sandler is less annoying than he was the first time. With much of the animated action taking place in London, many won’t realise that Mummies is a Spanish cartoon that’s been revoiced for British audiences by a cast led by Hugh Bonneville. The animation is impressive, but the underlying story that sees wealthy Egyptologist Lord Car naby (Bonneville) accidentally discovering the underworld kingdom where mummies – including that of former champion charioteer Thut – go to live for ever will leave accompanying adults decidedly underwhelmed. In God’s Creatures, Paul Mescal plays Brian, a prodigal son returning to his home village in Ireland to resume the family business of oyster farming. His mother, played by an excellent Emily Watson, is delighted to see him; his father less so. But soon his mother’s devotion is tested, albeit in a way that always feels underdeveloped and unconvincing.
THEATRE
Too few laughs mean there’s no Silvio lining robert gore-langton Berlusconi: A New Musical
Southwark Playhouse, London Until April 29, 2hrs 20mins
HHHHH Winnie The Pooh Riverside Studios, London
Until May 21, 1hr 5mins
HHHHH
T
his is a kerplunking musical satire about the former Italian prime minister who was a cruise-ferry crooner before he became a prime minister. He still, arguably, out-sleazes the equally orange-tanned Trump. Written by Ricky Simmonds and Simon Vaughan, the show is in the sung-through style of Evita. The idea is that Silvio sees himself as both Jesus and the emperor Tiberius, so it is staged on a set of white marble steps – a constant trip hazard for the cast of ten. It’s set in 2012, the final day of Berlusconi’s trial for tax fraud. The Italian stallion is played by Sebastien Torkia (not much of a lookalike, but he’s good at preening) who, in the self-penned opera of his life, whisks us through his career as crooner, property magnate, media mogul, owner of AC Milan and finally PM. James Grieve’s production is crammed with Eurotrash-style songs and allusions to the ‘bunga bunga’ sex parties, Berlusconi’s unsavoury
bromance with a topless Putin (a disappointing duet) and so on. The message is ‘careful who you vote for’, to underline the show’s banal antipopulist credentials. Women haunt the evening, as they should. The scarier ones include his ex-wife, the state prosecutor and his bonkers mama (Susan Fay), whose heavenly appearances are rare moments of amusing idiocy. But it all lacks narrative drive and there’s zero jeopardy as we know our anti-hero dodged the bullet at his trial. Less forgivably, it is short on laughs and an hour too long. What could be more English than Winnie The Pooh, A. A. Milne’s classic featuring the bear of little brain? Yet in Jonathan Rockefeller’s staging, culled from the Disney films, Pooh and friends have cheesy American accents. The puppet-handlers manipulate large soft animals on a lush set with a bridge, a river and a tree in the Hundred Acre Wood. Piglet gets swept up by a kite and Pooh, on the hunt for a ‘smackerel’ of ‘hunny’,
April 2 • 2023 The Mail on Sunday
fantasy: Hugh Grant, above, in Dungeons & Dragons. Right: Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler in Murder Mystery 2
cheesy: Sebastien Torkia as an all-singing, all-dancing Silvio Berlusconi, above. Left: Winnie the Pooh and handlers
gets stuck in the tree. Christopher Robin has to go off to school but Rabbit, Owl and Eeyore are present and correct, Tigger being the most lively, of course. But I have to say the songs by the Sherman Brothers (apart from The Wonderful Thing
About Tiggers) don’t repeat the magic they gave to Mary Poppins. Carrots jump out of the ground and there’s a snowstorm kids will love. But there’s not quite enough involvement here for the pre-schoolage children it’s aimed at. This has a certain sweetness to it overall, but I would still recommend the audiobook brilliantly read by Alan Bennett. It’s as it should be – sublime.
Alamy / LMK / Nick Rutter / Pamela Raith
squaring up: Taron Egerton as entrepreneur Henk Rogers, who takes on the power of the Soviet Union in order to market the video game Tetris
The Mail on Sunday April 2 • 2023
MUSIC
20,000 women are wooed by a cherub with a beard really count as their cast changes every year. The others are One Direction, Take That, Drake and Michael Bublé. ‘Welcome to number 26,’ Bublé says, ‘in this beautiful, intimate arena.’ This tells us quite a lot about him. He’s competitive
enough to keep the score (nine more O2 gigs and he will knock Take That off the top of the table). Yet he also has the wit to describe a 20,000-seat hall as intimate. His competitive spirit has turned him into the world’s most popular
crooner. But, being a Canadian, he still has both feet on the ground and one eyebrow in the air. ‘This is not a show,’ he announces. ‘It’s a celebration of life!’ He’s referring to life after the pandemic, though he may also be thinking of life after liver cancer, which his son Noah contracted at the age of only three. Noah is now nine and thankfully in good health. His dad is 47 and indecently boyish: he looks like a cherub even when he has a beard. His fans are 90 per cent female, as expected, but all ages from eight to eightysomething. He puts on a proper arena show with a bank of screens, a battery of horns and a blizzard of confetti. Many a man in a tux has crooned about the Moon, but only Bublé brings it along, to revolve on the big screen behind him. His powerful voice finds easy listening almost too easy, so he has branched out, dishing up a bit of Elvis Presley, Marvin Gaye, Barry White and the Bee Gees. He is clearly aiming to be all things to all women. He can’t match Marvin’s silky softness, and his attempts at con temporary pop fall flat. But when Bublé is good, on Sway or Smile or Cry Me A River, he is very good. Debonair one minute, homely the next, he’s the Andy Williams of the 21st Century. Boygenius are a supergroup, but don’t let that put you off. They comprise three acclaimed singersongwriters, all American women aged 27 or 28 – Phoebe Bridgers,
TIM DE LISLE Michael Bublé
O2 Arena, London
Touring April 21 to May 11
HHHHH Boygenius The Record Out now
HHHHH Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker. This may be the first rock band ever to have begun life as a book group. Not that their debut album is a literary affair. It’s direct and engaging, using crisp folk rock to express everything from withering dismay to adoring friendship. Bridgers, Dacus and Baker open with some invigorating harmonies on Without You Without Them. Then they pick up their guitars and mix crunchy chuggers like $20 (‘In another life, we were arsonists’) with melting ballads such as the delicious We’re In Love. There is one disappointment, a throwaway number called Leonard Cohen: if you’re going to name a song after a colossus, you need to nail it. But the rest of The Record is essential listening. ALL THINGS TO ALL WOMEN: Crooner Michael Bublé performing at the O2 Arena in London
CLASSICAL
There’s plenty more life in this Dead City Martin Harris / Capital Pictures / Getty / Harrison Whitford / Helen Murray
T
he O2 Arena, now the world’s best-attended concert hall, opened in 2007 with 21 shows from Prince. Since then only five musical acts have played there that many times. One is Young Voices, who don’t
david mellor The Dead City London Coliseum Until April 8
HHHHH
E
rich Wolfgang Korngold’s The Dead City (Die Tote Stadt) was afforded the rare honour of a simultaneous premiere in two major German cities, Hamburg and Cologne. At the time of these first performances in December 1920, Korngold was 23, and widely regarded as the greatest prospect by far in Central European music. As a child, both Richard Strauss and Gustav Mahler hailed him as a genius to rival Mozart. His ballet, The Snowman, composed when Korngold was only 11, was performed at the Imperial Court
Theatre in Vienna to huge acclaim. Korngold had it all. What could possibly go wrong? Sadly, a lot. The arrival of Hitler, a change of musical mood away from the lush late romantic sensuousness that Korngold specialised in, and his brave decision to go to Hollywood, where he became the king of movie music, though losing along the way a lot of his previous support. Serious composers didn’t do movies, they said. And then there was a devastating heart attack when he was only 50, and his death at 60 in 1957 before he had a chance to re-establish himself. But steadily it’s been happening for Korngold. His movie-themebased violin concerto is hugely popular with today’s younger virtuosos. No longer is it denounced, as once it was, as ‘More Korn than Gold’. And this opera has been getting much more stage time. It’s a formidable piece
April 2 • 2023 The Mail on Sunday
crunchy chuggers: The three members of Boygenius, from left: Phoebe Bridgers, Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker (also inset)
FEEBLE: The cast of English National Opera’s The Dead City
that can readily survive the sort of indifferent performance it gets here. The plot concerns Paul, who turns his home into a shrine – a ‘temple of memories’ – for his dead young wife Marie. He meets a dancer, Marietta, who closely resembles her. Except this one doesn’t. Director Annilese Miskimmon does everything possible to differentiate between the wraithlike ghost of Marie and the tartily dressed, in-your-face Marietta, thereby destroying the central plank of the plot. The singing too is not that distinguished. Rolf Romei finds Paul’s high notes a real strain. He was apologised for, suffering from a throat bug. But I’m not certain
even when fit that this is a role for him. Particularly in a theatre as big as the Coliseum. Similarly, the German-based English soprano Allison Oakes isn’t vocally alluring enough for Marietta, and makes little of the often extracted Marietta’s Song from Act I, a glorious piece when well done. The orchestra, though, as always, does a fine job with Korngold’s lush orchestrations, under the sympathetic baton of Kirill Karabits from the Bournemouth Symphony Orchestra. This could and should have been better, but hats off nevertheless to ENO for staging it. Another reason why we can’t do without them. Catch it if you can.
The Mail on Sunday April 2 • 2023
BOOKS
YESTERDAY ONCE MORE: Richard and Karen Carpenter in their 1970s heyday
Karen, the Carpenter who really nailed it Lead Sister: The Story Of Karen Carpenter Lucy O’Brien
T
Nine Eight Books £22
★★★★★
he hit songs of sibling duo the Carpenters (such as Yesterday Once More) are often seen as schmaltzy and bland, reflecting the supposed emotional frigidity of Karen Carpenter, who died of anorexia in 1983, aged 32. She’s regarded as merely the frontwoman for her brother’s lush arrangements, a pretty figurine atop a music box. In this well-researched, compelling biography, Lucy O’Brien rejects that idea. True, Karen, with a bedroom full of soft toys, was no
sophisticate, and success made her insecure, but she was funny, sassy and soulful. Growing up in leafy New Haven, Connecticut, she would tap-dance in the street in a spangly dress. When the family uprooted to LA, to help the prospects of keyboard prodigy Richard, she was disorientated until she joined the school marching band. She was offered the glockenspiel, which she hated, agitating for, and getting, the ‘glorious’ snare drum. She learned the drums, and rhythmical flair informed her vocals, which she sang low, to complement what O’Brien admiringly calls the Carpenters’ ‘suburban blues’. (‘The money’s in the basement,’ said Karen of her voice, in her inventive hippy lingo.) She sang from behind the
drums until stardom dictated she relinquish them for centre stage. She hated the scrutiny, though. When she was 17, her mother had said she was ‘hefty around the butt’ and put her on a diet that became permanent. O’Brien discusses the psychology of anorexia: how its private rituals soothe anxiety. It’s understood today that recovery can take years, but Karen would briefly regain weight and think she was cured. ‘Look at my ass,’ she enthused to her friend Dionne Warwick. ‘I’ve got an ass.’ The final pages of this book are unbearably poignant. For solace, see the advice of one of Karen’s many tweeting fans: ‘Go to YouTube, search “Karen Carpenter on drums” and prepare to have your mind blown.’ Andrew Martin
Party girl Paris’s lesson for Harry Paris: The Memoir Paris Hilton HQ £20
★★★★★
Getty / Capital
A
t first, Paris Hilton’s autobiography reads like a parody of a memoir of a bimbo heiress. Page one: Hilton (right) is at 2022 LA Gay Pride with her friend and neighbour Christina Aguilera ‘decked out in rainbows and sparkles, dancing’. Page two: she’s sharing selfie tips (‘It’s so unflattering when the angle is up your nostrils’). In the following pages there are stories – variously – about ‘gorgeous angel princess’ Britney Spears’s wedding, how her grandfather Barron Hilton started the ‘Vegas Residency trend’ with Elvis at his hotel, and her chihuahuas Diamond Baby, Slivington, Crypto, Ether and Harajuku Bitch. When Hilton and Kim Kardashian make French toast coated with ‘frosted flakes’ for breakfast, Kardashian says: ‘I don’t know anyone who parties as hard as you do and looks as good as you do.’ The reason? Skin care is sacred. And so it continues, making you feel as if you’re gorging pink-iced doughnuts in Cinderella’s Disney castle. But suddenly the book takes a violent U-turn. In 1995, aged 16, Hilton was behaving like a stereotypical It Girl, flunking school and raving all night – worrying for her parents but ultimately harmless. Then, out of the blue, two men burst into her room in the family home at 4.30am, carrying her out, screaming and writhing. Her parents watched but didn’t intervene. They’d decided to send her to a
Californian boarding school that promised to ‘fix a broken child’. They were unaware that the ‘tough love’ it promised included intimate body searches, showering in front of jeering male and female guards, no lessons but days spent hauling rocks up mountains, no talking to other ‘students’, except during all-night sessions when the children were forced to torment each other verbally for hours. Hilton wasn’t having it. She wiggled through a lavatory window, scaled a fence and walked for hours through woods to a phone box, only for her family to have her recaptured, dismissing her tales of being beaten and force-fed unknown pills as fabrications. For two years she was moved between harsher and harsher institutions, often kept in solitary confinement. She retaliated with increasingly ingenious escapes. Hundreds of testaments from other survivors of these ‘schools’ (several children died in them) support her account. Unsurprisingly, when Hilton was finally ‘released’ at the age of 18, she reacted by partying – savouring every second of those lost teens. She became one of the most famous names of the early 2000s, partly through starring in the pioneering reality show The Simple Life, less happily after a sex tape she’d been coerced by a boyfriend into making when she was 19 was put on the internet. Some sniped that Hilton narcissistically participated in its release. Were that true, she retorts
tongue-in-cheek, ‘I would have had proper hair, make-up and wardrobe’. By the end of the book, you understand why Hilton’s all about rainbows, sparkles and selfies – it’s about living life on her terms, so no one can control her again. She’s campaigning ferociously for better monitoring of the huge ‘troubled-teen’ industry, but she’s impressively forgiving of her parents for putting her through this trauma. We’ve all been talking a lot lately about another aggrieved, rich kid’s memoir. Prince Harry could learn a lot from Hilton’s grace and grit. Julia Llewellyn Smith
April 2 • 2023 The Mail on Sunday
THE BEST new fiction To Battersea Park Philip Hensher
Fourth Estate £16.99
When the threat of Armageddon loomed over us all
apocalypse now: Images of a nuclear explosion, centre, a face mask, top left, and radiation suits, above
Sinclair McKay history Attack Warning Red! How Britain Prepared For Nuclear War Julie McDowall Bodley Head £22
★★★★★
T
hat towering, expanding, skyfilling mushroom cloud – vicious lightning flashing at its centre – was the definitive image of fear. It supplanted even the horned devil as a universal emblem of dread. Here was how the world was to end: not with either a bang or a whimper, but with radioactive storms that would poison every bone and curse every crop. From the 1950s to the 1980s, there were frequent demonstrations and marches, crowds shouting out in futility against implacably deadlocked superpowers. The horror lurked at the centre of every imagination. So where exactly did all that fear go? Julie McDowall’s thoroughly gripping study of that post-war period, when Britain mustered civic plans for Doomsday, now makes for genuinely startling and sometimes darkly funny reading. There was a time, not that long ago, when the prospect of the world’s end was pervasive. Newspaper articles depicted maps of cities with concentric circles – the closer to the inner circles you lived, the more certain you would be instantly incinerated. There was a booklet called Protect And Survive: government advice on turning your downstairs broom cupboard into a nuclear shelter for the family, with a plastic-lined bucket as a crude lavatory and an improvised
morgue in your lounge. There was even an ITV sitcom: Whoops Apocalypse. Yet somehow against this lurid, terrifying prospect, everyone also got on with their everyday lives and tried not to think about it too much. And McDowall captures this weird duality wonderfully. She visits claustrophobic disused nuclear bunkers, which had been constructed with a Dad’s Army collection of Royal Observation Corps volunteers in mind. The idea was that as the land above them burned and boiled, these women and men in the dark would be living off airline-style sealed food packets involving ‘baconburgers’ and oxtail soup. Soviet Russia tested its first atomic bomb in 1949. That was the point at which the Cold War really froze over. In the years that immediately followed, the plans for the worst somehow retained a flavour of the Second World War. There was an idea for evacuating major cities and sending their hideously traumatised populations elsewhere in the UK. But, officials wondered, how would the people of Sheffield cope with a mass influx of refugees from London? The mid-1950s invention of the hydrogen bomb – creating a blast so intense that even with eyes screwed shut, it was possible to see the bones in one’s hands – made such an idea macabrely redundant. If such weapons were to hit a tiny country like Britain, there would be nowhere worthwhile for anyone to flee to. McDowall recounts the terrifying 1950s story of the fishermen floating in the Pacific who accidentally witnessed the test blasting of a hydrogen bomb – the entire sky boiled. Then what looked like snow started falling: ‘stark white powder’ that blistered the bare flesh and made hair fall out in clumps. Even from many miles away, the fishermen had been instantly, horribly, irradiated. Back in the UK, the government bunkers were excavated (one especially large one near Salisbury Plain). Here were labyrinthine citadels of pokey rooms and a superabundance of requisitioned office chairs: tokens of hyper-normality against a world
that had (theoretically) been torn apart. As well as senior government members, sanc tuary would also be offered to doctors, engineers and broadcasters. Whether they would want it – what to do about families? – was another matter. The airwave announcements – sepulchral commandments to stay indoors, even with the dead – were choreographed. By the 1970s there was a grim acknowledgment that any survivors would be living in a silent, pitiless world: no power, no water. Medicines and anaesthetics would be in such short supply that the most seriously wounded would be left to die. And as for the rest – ‘mistletoe, mustard seeds and marshmallow root’ would be among the foraged remedies. Yet the most hideous prospects, raised with terrifying gusto in the 1984 BBC nuclear holocaust drama Threads, also brought a vein of the darkest British humour to the surface: from schoolchildren (like myself) speculating what they would do during the four-minute warning (one friend of mine declared ringingly ‘Go shoplifting’), to the delightfully eccentric spectacle of Lady Olga Maitland and her ‘Families For Defence’ arguing for cruise missiles. McDowall also conveys moments of accidental comedy, such as the police constable in Coventry in 1984 who, while calling the Speaking Clock in the early morning from his desk, accidentally triggered the station’s local Four Minute Warning siren. Some locals woke in existential horror, while others shrugged, accepted that it was the end of the world and turned over to go back to sleep. In many ways, this book, by turns brilliantly chilling and sparkily engaging, is a meditation on Armageddon: an exercise in looking our worst fears straight in the eye. And for those who believe that the Third World War has already started with Russia’s attack on Ukraine, it has a fresh and unnerving currency. Me? When that siren blares, the duvet is going over my head.
From solitary walks to snooping on neighbours, home baking to Zoom calls, the weirdness of lockdown is well captured in this multi-layered novel. One man gorges on the novels of Ivy Compton-Burnett, another displays Stalinist tendencies. Joggers and dog-walkers alike are demented. Hensher eloquently distils the way in which enforced social distancing made us see the world around us through fresh eyes, and if the second half of the novel lacks the focus of the first, it is still an impressive addition to the canon of lockdown fiction. Max Davidson
A Complicated Matter Anne Youngson Doubleday £16.99
Inspired by the mass evacuation of Gibraltar during the Second World War, Youngson’s evocative first foray into historical fiction centres on Rose Dunbar, who is 23 when she finds herself deposited in Blitz-torn London. Exiled from all that she knows, Rose must make her way through a classridden society that’s determined to see her as foreign and largely useless. Her journey of self-discovery leads to a revelatory dilemma after she’s appointed secretary to irascible, sightless Major Inchbold. A tender, often wry novel rendered with impressive period authenticity. Hephzibah Anderson
A House For Alice
Diana Evans
Chatto & Windus £18.99
Ageing matriarch Alice, long separated from her tyrannical husband Cornelius, yearns to leave London and return to Nigeria for her final years. As building work begins in Benin City, she’s variously hampered and helped by her three daughters. With the horrific Grenfell Tower fire as a backdrop and Cornelius’s death in a house blaze in the foreground, this intimate, melodic novel explores notions of home, family and long-held secrets, with societal malaise compounding personal crises and marital meltdown throughout. Eithne Farry
Ozark Dogs Eli Cranor
Headline £22
The Ozark Mountains might want to hire a publicist: TV series and novels alike tend to portray the area as spectacularly grim, full of crystal meth dealers and white supremacist gangs. The action in Cranor’s highly touted second novel all takes place in one long night, as a blood feud between rival families explodes into terror, and high school sweethearts Jo and Cody see their Romeo and Juliet relationship played out in fast-forward. John Williams
Our top picks for this we
10
Sunday
Monday
Tuesday
Wednesday
sport live premier league
Chelsea and Liverpool have had disappointing seasons but Kai Havertz and the Blues are still hoping to force their way into contention for a European place, while the Reds have designs on a top-four spot (kick-off 8pm). Sky Sports Main Event, 7pm
food inside the factory
The Jaffa Cake is one of the nation’s most popular snacks. Gregg Wallace kicks off a new series by visiting where McVitie’s churns out six million of them every day. Plus, Cherry Healey visits Jaffa in Israel. BBC2, 8pm
strangers on a plane Channel 4, 5.30pm, Monday-Friday
SIMON REEVE BBC2, 9pm
sport live f1
robson and jim ITV4, 9pm
reality strangers on a plane
It’s an early start for the Australian Grand Prix, the third race of the season. Having finished second at the Albert Park Circuit in Melbourne last year, Red Bull’s Mexican driver Sergio Pérez will be hoping to go one better this time. Highlights are on Channel 4 at 12.30pm. Sky Sports Main Event, 4.30am
The latest twist on the Come Dine With Me format sees five strangers jet out to a destination before taking it in turns to entertain their fellow travellers with various events. The first stop is Benidorm, where singer Wyen is the first competitor – but will her yacht trip prove popular? Channel 4, 5.30pm, Mon-Fri
sport live super sunday
travel anthony bourdain: parts unknown
West Ham host fellow strugglers Southampton (kick-off 2pm), while Alexander Isak tries to fire Newcastle to victory against Manchester United at St James’ Park (k.o. 4.30pm). Live EFL Trophy Football (Sky Sports Football, 2.30pm) features the final at Wembley between League One rivals Bolton and Plymouth (k.o. 3pm). Sky Sports Premier League, from 1pm
It’s five years since the chef’s shocking suicide, which came even while he was filming the 12th series of his travelogue. The first was made ten years ago and Bourdain’s tour here takes in Myanmar, LA, Colombia and Quebec. Yesterday, 7pm, Mon- Fri
drama great expectations
did you know?
unforgotten ITV1, 9pm
sport live football
Everton are still looking over their shoulders at the relegation spots, despite an upturn in form since manager Sean Dyche’s arrival in January. They’ll be desperate to put more daylight between themselves and their fellow strugglers by beating Spurs at Goodison Park (kick-off 8pm). Sky Sports Main Event, 7pm
documentary road wars: neighbourhood traffic chaos
Helen Murray / CameraSport / Getty / Allstar / Capital
arts the olivier awards 2023
As a warm-up for her Eurovision hosting gig next month, Hannah Waddingham takes charge of the proceedings at the Royal Albert Hall. Among the big-name nominees are Paul Mescal, David Tennant, Jodie Comer (above) and Rose Ayling-Ellis, while Arlene Phillips and Derek Jacobi will receive lifetime achievement awards. ITV1, 10.15pm
In early 2019, Portsmouth resident Jeffrey Leigh-Jones hired a life coach to mentor him and help realise his business ambitions. Two years later he had sold his house, his relationship was in tatters and he’d handed over tens of thousands of pounds. Journalist Catrin Nye investigates the mysterious company that is ripping people’s lives apart. BBC3, 9pm
health naked education
did you know?
In 2020, with his globetrotting adventures on hold due to the pandemic, the presenter (top) stayed close to home by fronting Cornwall With Simon Reeve. Now he’s back to find out how the locals cope once the lucrative tourist industry drops off, with money already tight from the cost-of-living crisis. BBC2, 9pm
documentary a very british cult
long lost family ITV1, 9pm
The younger Charles Dickens was something of a dandy about town, flamboyantly dressed, clean-shaven and fond of dinner parties.
travel simon reeve’s return to cornwall
Declan Rice (left) and West Ham United are in relegation trouble and will need three points when they host top-four chasing Newcastle United at the London Stadium (kick-off 8pm). Gary Lineker has highlights of all the midweek games in Match Of The Day (BBC1, 10.40pm; N Ire, 11.40pm). Sky Sports Main Event, 7.30pm
Jaffa Cakes, introduced in 1927, are the UK’s best selling cake (not biscuit, devotees insist). We scoff a billion a year.
Pip turns 18 as his ‘education’ at the hands of Miss Havisham and her adopted daughter continues. He has sworn he won’t fall in love with the enchanting but icy Estella, but we can see it happening – and so can his childhood friend Biddy, now a schoolteacher. BBC1, 9pm
olivier awardS ITV1, 10.15pm
SPort live premier league
Low Traffic Neighbourhoods (LTNs) are aimed to persuade drivers to walk, cycle or take the bus rather than use their car. In a Panorama report, Justin Rowlatt discovers that these schemes are turning neighbours against each other. BBC1, 8pm (not Scotland)
documentary secrets of the chippendales murders
The Chippendales – a male striptease act – were born in an LA nightclub in 1979 before they were an international touring sensation, providing sexy fun for girls’ nights out. But away from the bright lights and firm pecs was a jaw-dropping world of corruption, crime and murder. BBC2, 9pm & 9.45pm
drama unforgotten
It’s the final episode of the series, so we should find out who killed Precious. Jess, Sunny (above) and co seem to be forming a picture of what happened to her, but all their hard work goes out of the window when a second victim is linked to the crime. ITV1, 9pm
In an ‘unfiltered look at sex and the body’, Anna Richardson, Yinka Bokinni and Dr Alex George aim to dispel myths and insecurities and help us celebrate our looks. They begin by researching body hair, while mothers discuss the difficulties of childbirth and their post-partum experiences. Channel 4, 8pm
reality highland cops
Covering 12,000 square miles, Police Scotland’s Highlands and Islands Division is the UK’s biggest police beat. Cameras follow officers as they look for a bushcraft expert who has gone missing in a blizzard in remote Sutherland. BBC2, 9pm
documentary long lost family: what happened next
Davina McCall (above) and Nicky Campbell revisit some of the series’ most memorable stories to find out how people’s lives have been transformed. First up is Joselyn Taylor, who looked for her brother James for 20 years. ITV1, 9pm
comedy rain dogs
Costello Jones (Daisy May Cooper, right) is a broke, damaged, single mother. Her friend Selby, just out of prison, is a wealthy, damaged, gay man (Jack Farthing). These unlikely soulmates are raising her ten-year-old daughter Iris (Fleur Tashjian) in this dark, adult comedy drama. BBC1, 10.40pm (N Ire: 11.40pm)
thE cockfields BBC2, 10pm
comedy the cockfields
The first run of Joe Wilkinson’s affectionate comedy reaches a conclusion (and there’s a second on UKTV Play). The clan (above) are getting ready for Simon’s 40th party. However, his dad’s self-centred girlfriend (Sarah Parish) disrupts the festivities. BBC2, 10pm (N Ire: 11.15pm)
Sport robson and jim’s fly-fishing adventure
Following their trip to Iceland, actors and best friends Robson Green and Jim Murray (top) begin another series of flyfishing adventures on a Fly Fishing by J. R. Hartley stretch of the River Towy was published in 1991 on in Wales. From there they head to the popular the back of the famous seaside resort of TV Yellow Pages ads, and Abersoch to fish for spawned two sequels. bass. ITV4, 9pm
did you know?
eek’s TV & Radio THURSDAY
FRIDAY
sport the masters live
The first Major of the year gets under way at the Augusta National in Georgia. America’s Scottie Scheffler is the reigning champion, but at this stage last year, it was Im Sung-jae of South Korea who was setting the pace with a five-under-par round. Sky Sports Main Event, 2pm
sport live premier league
RADIO
game show in with a shoUt
An all-star cast, including Toby Jones, Mark Heap and Jason Watkins, breathes new life into Alan Bennett’s acclaimed play. It reveals what happens when the long-dead Kafka suddenly drops in on his biggest fan, suburbanite Sydney. Radio 3, 8.30pm
SATURDAY
Everton hope for a point or three from their trip to Manchester United (kick-off 12.30pm). Fellow strugglers Southampton are in action against Manchester City at St Mary’s (k.o. 5.30pm). Live SPFL (SSME, 11.30am) is Celtic at home to Rangers (k.o. 12.30pm). BT Sport 1, 11.30am & Sky Sports Main Event, 5pm
sport live women’s international football
did you know?
Leah Williamson and England compete in the Finalissima as the European champions take on Copa America title-holders Brazil at Wembley (kick-off 7.45pm). It’s going to be a real test for the Lionesses as their opponents won their championship without conceding a goal. ITV1, 7.30pm
In the Tudor court, jesters – or ‘natural fools’ – were adults with learning disabilities, valued for their inability to lie to the King.
documentary reunion hotel
Alex Jones (bottom) invites members of the public to check in to a hotel, where they will get a chance to reconnect with an important figure from their past. For 21-year-old Tegan, that’s the mystery man who pulled her out of the path of an oncoming train when she fell on to the track at a Tube station. BBC2, 8pm
For your full seven-day TV GUIDE turn to page 19
Joel Dommett hosts a glossy game show set to brighten our Saturday evenings over the next six weeks. Two family teams must find the answers to various questions hidden in clips displayed on huge TV screens. Whoever shouts them out first stands a chance of winning £20,000. ITV1, 6pm
monday ken bruce
The veteran presenter makes his muchpublicised debut on the commercial station. We’re not expecting big changes from his Radio 2 show – after all, if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it – but we’re looking forward to having him and Popmaster back on the airwaves. Greatest Hits Radio, 10am, Mon-Fri
Arthur Ashe remains the only AfricanAmerican male tennis player to win the US Open and Wimbledon singles titles. After an early retirement due to heart surgery, he used his profile to promote human rights, education and public health. Broadcaster Qasa Alom shares his inspirational story with Matthew Parris. Radio 4, 4.30pm
sport LIVE EFL
A busy day of fixtures begins with Millwall facing Luton Town (kick-off 12.30pm), before the League One clash between Oxford United and Sheffield Wednesday (k.o. 3pm). Then Sunderland host Hull City (k.o. 5.30pm). Finally, goal machine Chuba Akpom and promotion-chasing Middlesbrough are in action against champions-elect Burnley (k.o. 8pm). Sky Sports Football, from 12pm
wednesday lights, cAmera, inaction: an existential guide to the movies
The Truman Show (Jim Carrey, below left), Groundhog Day, Taxi Driver (Robert De Niro, below right), Bridget Jones’s Diary and Casablanca are among the films Matthew Sweet uses to demonstrate why film-makers are drawn to exploring the issue of human existence in their work. Radio 4 Extra, 8pm
children dodger: the bad egg
the richardsons Dave, 10pm
drama dreamland
New comedy drama from the people behind Motherland and Bad Sisters concerning the relationship between four working-class siblings in Margate and the secrets that threaten to disrupt their lives. Freema Agyeman, Lily Allen, Gabby Best and Aimee-Ffion Edwards are the sisters. Frances Barber plays their mum. Sky Atlantic, 9pm
thursday open country
music burt bacharach night
An evening dedicated to the late, great songwriter (above) begins with A Tribute From Ronnie Scott’s, a jazz reworking of some of his hits. Then, archive footage in Burt Bacharach At The BBC (9pm), a 2008 concert featuring Adele in Burt Bacharach At The Electric Proms (10.30pm) and the man himself at Glastonbury in 2015 (11.30pm). BBC2, from 7.45pm
drama lost: those who kill
The third in the series of Danish crime dramas begins with the discovery of a middle-aged couple murdered outside their home. And detective Frederik Havgaard is convinced he knows the culprit. BBC4, 9pm & 9.45pm
comedy meet the richardsons
Helen Mark begins a new series on a pontoon in Bangor, Co Down, where she’s discovering why looking after oysters has larger implications for protecting our oceans. She also finds out how one woman’s decision to pick up rubbish on beaches inspires a community-wide project. Radio 4, 3pm
good friday at the foot of the cross
To mark Good Friday, the Rev Kate Bottley hosts an evening of music, personal stories and reflections. It includes specially recorded songs from gospel choir The Spirituals and the Young Chorister of the Year, as well as conversations with people whose own experiences of loss have inspired them to make a change. Radio 2, 7pm
saturday ian mcewan and the bbc symphony orchestra
The acclaimed author joins forces with the BBC Symphony Orchestra and jazz singer Emma Smith for an hour-long mix of sound and literature. McEwan will read passages from his work, interspersed with a specially curated musical collection. Radio 4, 3pm
the portable door Sky Cinema Premiere, 8pm
nature iolo’s borderlands
Iolo Williams’s new series focuses on the areas around the Welsh border and the incredible array of wildlife that lives there. He goes in search of one of Britain’s rarest bees on the Gwent Levels, and visits Llanthony Priory to see house martins nesting. BBC2, 7pm
film the portable door
Australian fantasy comedy in which two young interns start working at the mysterious J. W. Wells & Co. Turns out it’s in the magic business and things are further complicated by fierce internal politics. And goblins. Starring Patrick Gibson and Sophie Wilde, plus Christoph Waltz and Sam Neill (above). Sky Cinema Premiere, 8pm
religion pilgrimage: the road through portugal
reunion hotel BBC2, 8pm
sunday drama: kafka’s dick
tuesday great lives: arthur ashe
The children’s channels are getting literary today. First, Dickensian tyke Dodger’s latest heist goes wrong, leaving him facing the ultimate punishment – school. Plus, in a special CBeebies Presents (9am), William Shakespeare tries to show the Globe’s new owner (and the young viewers) that plays can be fun with a new take on As You Like It (with Alex Phelps, above). CBBC, 5.30pm
Married comics Jon Richardson and Lucy Beaumont (above) return for a new series of the sitcom that offers a fictionalised look at their lives. In episode one, Jon’s looming 40th birthday and an encounter with Ben Elton trigger a midlife crisis, while Lucy turns to comedian Katherine Ryan for career advice. Dave, 10pm
11
It’s an Easter tradition for this series to follow celebrities on a spiritual journey. This year’s travellers include Su Pollard, Bobby Seagull and Rita Simons as they embark on a modern-day Catholic pilgrimage. BBC2, 9pm
intelligence Sky Showcase, 9pm
comedy intelligence: a special agent special
We last saw David Schwimmer triumphing in The Great Celebrity Bake Off For Stand Up To Cancer, but now he’s back on more familiar ground, reprising his role as Jerry. He, Joseph (Nick Mohammed, above with Schwimmer) and the rest of the gang are battling to save their jobs. Jennifer Saunders guest-stars. Sky Showcase, 9pm
tvon demand 12
The Mail on Sunday April 2 • 2023
We dig out
APPLE TV+, DISNEY+, NETFLIX, PARAMOUNT+ &
PRETTY BABY: BROOKE SHIELDS
COMEDY
DISNEY+ DOCUMENTARY
lewis capaldi: how i’m feeling now NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY
In a no-holds-barred documentary, the hugely popular singer-songwriter discusses his mental-health struggles. From Wednesday
schmigadoon!
APPLE TV+ MUSICAL
Series two of the Emmy-winning musical comedy finds Josh (Keegan-Michael Key) and Melissa (Cecily Strong, right, with Key) unsuccessfully trying for a baby. They decide a return to Schmigadoon, where life is a Golden Age musical, might help.
pick of the week
boom! boom! the world vs boris becker APPLE TV+ DOCUMENTARY
Two-part documentary shot over the three years before the former Wimbledon champion (right) was found guilty of financial irregularities. From Friday
grease: rise of the pink ladies
PARAMOUNT+ MUSICAL
BEEf
NETFLIX COMEDY
Netflix has had more than a few misses but gripping comedydrama series Beef, made by the cult independent studio A24, is definitely going to be a hit. The Walking Dead’s Steven Yeun plays Danny, a struggling handyman (he prefers the term ‘contractor’) who is in debt and at the end of his tether. When he’s involved in a road-rage incident with similarly stressed self-made businesswoman Amy (Ali Wong), who is trying to sell her company, their ‘beef’ turns into an escalating and destructive feud that affects everyone around them. From Thursday
Getty / LMK / Richard Hammatt Archive
Two-part documentary in which the actress and model Brooke Shields (right), now 57, discusses her disturbing childhood. Her professional modelling career began at 11 months and she starred in the film Pretty Baby, about a child prostitute, aged 12. After a career break to go to university she re-entered the entertainment industry on her own terms. From Monday
But, as everyone knows, you can only go to the magical town once. Instead, the couple end up in Schmicago, which represents the next era of musicals, shows that are darker and more challenging. Again, the series features catchy, original songs in the style of the musicals it is both parodying and paying homage to. Returning cast members include Ariana DeBose, Dove Cameron and Alan Cumming. From Friday
Ever wondered how the Pink Ladies originated before Grease introduced us to Rizzo, Jan, Marty and Frenchy? Find out in a feelgood series taking place four years before in 1954. From Friday
on a wing and a prayer AMAZON FILM
When the pilot of a small private plane dies of a heart attack, passenger Doug White (Dennis Quaid) must land the plane to save himself, his wife (Heather Graham, below with Quaid) and their two daughters. Air traffic controllers expect the worst. If anyone survives, it will be a miracle. Based on actual events. From Friday
moonage daydream
NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY
Authorised by the David Bowie estate, here is a psychedelic, arthouse portrait of the man, a collage of concert footage and interviews not seen before. If you’re a Bowie fan, you’ll love it. From Wednesday
creed iii
AMAZON FILM
Michael B. Jordan makes his directorial debut with the third entry in the Creed boxing drama franchise. He’s also back in front of the camera as Adonis, who’s recently retired from the ring. However, he’s goaded into putting the gloves on again by a former boxing prodigy (Jonathan Majors, below) recently released from prison. Available to rent or buy from Friday
GET PUZZLING!
The Mail on Sunday April 2 • 2023
[email protected]
moRE PUZZLES THAN ANY OTHER PAPER, ANY DAY OF THE WEEK
All but one of the 1960s pop groups listed below are hidden in the grid. Find the missing word and you could win £100! Words can be horizontal, vertical or diagonal, backwards or forwards. Answer next week. Last week’s missing word: SEA TURTLE.
S H H E R S N L V S
E T
E N O T
S O A G J
T
E N O R N J
S G N
B B E P
I
L
L O R
L V O G U E
M D B U S R E H C R A E
H S
S O T H
H O R S Q K S A W T C T H W O S P O R
I
E E
H R A R B E
S
S
S
L M C T R W S
I
E W T H
L B S
J O L Y H A
E D C U T R B
I
G A R R
Z G C U A G R H G O E O D G S C O A A P T
T A A
I
S R O Y E
M N L R L U M A Y F W N E B
I
S
E E C K D B S
I
M S M S
L X
I
S H
S H
I
F K A R U E
Y Y N O J D O S
E A Y E Q A O Z N O R G N N O S S
L C S B M E A M K M D T
G S C A F
F O L D
I
S W S
S D S J
E A
March 12 winner: Margaret Barber, of Morley, West Yorkshire.
ANIMALS ARCHIES BEACH BOYS BEATLES BYRDS CHIFFONS CRYSTALS DOORS EQUALS HOLLIES KINKS MARCELS MONKEES MOVE RASCALS
ROLLING STONES RONETTES SCAFFOLD SEARCHERS SEEKERS SHADOWS SHANGRI-LAS SUPREMES TORNADOS TROGGS TURTLES VOGUES WHO YARDBIRDS ZOMBIES
TO ENTER: Once you have found the missing word, text SEARCH followed by a space then your answer, name and postcode to 65700. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. Or call 0905 652 2157 and leave your answer and details. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network access charge. Entries will be accepted until 11.59pm on Friday. See today’s solutions panel for terms and conditions. This week’s solution will be published next week and the winner’s name on Sunday, April 23.
win £100
super Sudoku No 1029
Test your mental agility with our Super Sudoku and you could win a £100 cash prize! Each row, column and 4x3 box must contain all the numbers from 1 to 12. Call 0905 652 2210 for extra tips. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network access charge.
11 6 8 3
1 3 6 12
12 3 9 8 2 10 6 11 1 7 11 8 6 10 8 9 5 3 12 10 8 9 1 6 9 5 11 4 2 7 2 6 7 10 4 5 6 3 9 7 4 1 12 2 6 5 2 3 8 1 3 2 6 4 11 1 3
16
18
2 20
18
3
12 3
9
5
4
25
13
12
9
5
2
25
12
15
3 17
24
3
3
25
8 8
18
2
2 21
25 3
3
6
This week’s prize word
2
4
22
18
18
24
10
21
18
2
5
1
24 19
5
25
12
24
25
14
14
12
3
23
17
9
13
18
9
24
8
5 26
18 12
24
4
8
18
9
13
12 12
15 3
2
23
18
18
18
9
2
8
1
12
4 3
9
13
25
18
12
17 18
15
24
11
24 3
14
1
1
3 24
12
accepted until 11.59pm on Friday. See today’s solutions panel for terms and conditions. This week’s solution will be 18 15 18 1 published next week and the winner’s name on Sunday, April 23. March 12 winner: To be confirmed. 22
W X Y Z
13
26
Need help getting started? You can get up to three extra clues by calling 0901 292 5070. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network access charge. Or text extra to 65700. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network rate. Phone/text services Helpline: 0330 1000 601.
PRIZE MONEY TO BE WON
There’s an amazing £1,500 prize for the first correct solution drawn at random in our general knowledge Prize Crossword. Entries must arrive by Friday, April 7 (photocopies not accepted). Today’s solution will appear next week and the winner’s name on Sunday, April 23. SEE BELOW THE GRID for details on how to enter. 1
2
3
4
5
6
11
7
8
9
12
14
10
13
15 16 17
18
21 23
26
19
20
22 24
25
27
28 29
31
32
30 33
34 35
36
37
39
38
40
ispy name ������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ = address������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������ ������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� postcode .....................................telephone������������������������������������������������������������
cross A 1 Trousers with very wide legs (7,5) 8 The heroine of one of the books of the Apocrypha, who decapitated Holofernes to save her city (6) 11 A white water-soluble crystalline alcohol used as a sweetener (8) TO ENTER: Text SUPER followed by a space, your 3 shaded squares, 12 Fruit with a hard rind reading left to right, name and postcode to 65700. Texts cost £1 plus and juicy flesh (5) your standard network charge. Or call 0901 292 5050 and leave your 13 The national style of answer and details. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s wrestling in Japan (4) network access charge. Entries will be accepted until 11.59pm on Friday. 14 Ellen ---, English actress See today’s solutions panel for terms and conditions. This week’s famous for her stage solution will be published next week and the winner’s name on partnership with Henry Irving in the late 19th Sunday, April 23. Century (5) 15 A traditional sea shanty (7,6) 17 The conduct of the 14 Crack our code for A 1 3 relations of one state B your chance to win with another by 15 C 2 £100 cash! Just work peaceful means (9) D out which number 19 Small squares of 16 3 E 1 with which pasta containing P goes F letter to complete the a savoury mixture of 17 G 4 meat or cheese (7) grid below this H 23 An ancient Greek puzzle. The answer 18 5 I 6 stringed instrument (4) could be a name, J 24 A 1930s biplane 19 6 such as Danube, or a K designed by Geoffrey phrase, eg at once. L de Havilland, used as 20 7 M 5 TO ENTER: Once you’ve found the a training aircraft (5,4) N 25 and 39 19th-Century word in the extra box, text CRACKER 21 8 O English writer famous for followed by a space, your answer, P 9 the novel Black Beauty (4,6) 22 name and postcode to 65700. Texts Q 14 26 Spools or reels cost £1 plus your standard network R 10 23 on which thread charge. Or call 0901 292 5051 and S J or yarn is wound (7) leave your answer and details. Calls T 11 24 28 Large marine diving cost £1 plus your telephone company’s U Y duck with a long, 7 network access charge. Entries will be V 12 25 slender hooked bill (9)
win £100
Code Cracker 3
The winner of Sudoku No 1026 is Liane Bingham, of Peacehaven, East Sussex.
£2,250
13
win £1,500
win £100 The Prize Crossword
Wordsearch
WITH
31 A verse form consisting of two rhyming lines in iambic pentameter (6,7) 34 Hubert ---, English composer best known for his choral song Jerusalem (5) 36 An island off the West coast of Scotland, in the Inner Hebrides (4) 37 The ---, principal distribution network for water, gas or electricity (5) 38 A security measure in which those inside a building or area are required to remain confined in it for a time (8) 39 See 25 40 A dangerous stretch of shallow water off the Deal coast in Kent (7,5) Down 2 Three groups of volcanic islands in the North Atlantic; an autonomous region of Portugal (6) 3 Tropical plant widely cultivated for its eggshaped, typically dark purple fruit (9) 4 and 8 Catherine --- ---, Welsh actress who won an Oscar for the 2002 film musical Chicago (4-5) 5 Childe Harold’s ---, long narrative poem by Lord Byron (10) 6 Gary ---, musician who fronted the new wave band Tubeway Army (5) 7 A flat silver tray (6) 8 See 4
9 A large, loose-fitting buttonless upper garment worn especially in West Africa (7) 10 A cocktail consisting of gin, lemon juice, sugar and soda water (3,7) 16 A protein present in cereal grains, especially wheat (6) 18 Marie ---, Polish-born physicist and chemist; the first woman to be awarded a Nobel Prize (5) 20 The capital city of Greece (6) 21 The side in a right-angled triangle that is opposite the right angle (10) 22 Henry Wadsworth ---, 19thCentury American poet whose works included The Song Of Hiawatha (10) 25 --- of Denmark, queen consort to Edward VII (9) 27 A rich fabric woven with a raised design, often in gold or silver (7) 29 A concave curved surface between the wall and ceiling of a room (6) 30 Boasted one’s superiority (6) 32 Cud-chewing mammal adapted to survive long periods without food or water in desert regions (5) 33 A city in southern Colombia; capital of the department of Narino (5) 35 A pictorial representation of a facility available on a computer system (4)
NOW THERE ARE THREE WAYS TO ENTER
Complete the Prize Crossword and count how many times the letter ‘i’ appears in the finished grid. Then text ISPY followed by your answer, name and postcode to 65700. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. Or call 0905 652 2172 and leave your answer and details. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network access charge. Entries will be accepted until 11.59pm on Friday. Or post your completed grid AND iSpy answer to The Prize Crossword No 2106, The Mail on Sunday, PO Box 3451, Norwich NR7 7NR. Entries must arrive by Friday, April 7 (photocopies not accepted). The winner will be selected at random from correct iSpy answers. See today’s solutions panel for terms and conditions. Winner of Prize Crossword No 2103: Mrs R Lee, of Cleveleys, Lancashire. Last week’s answer: 6
14
gET PUZZLING! ANSWErs on BACK page
SUMMIT UP If the number in each triangle is the sum of the two below, what is the top number? Answer next week.
48 18 6 3
Place the tiles into the grid so that four different numbers and four different shapes appear in each row and column. Answer next week.
63 30
12 3
WORD BUILDER
KEIJO
111
4
9
4
1
2
3
1
3
4
2
2
4
3
1
15 9
3
1
33 18
2
6
The Mail on Sunday April 2 • 2023
Answer each clue so that every word contains the same letters as the previous word, plus or minus one. Answer next week.
1
1 Spike of wheat
2
2 Bring up
3
3 Nurse
4
4 Wagon driver
5
5 Respond
6
6 Area of land
7
7 Automobile
Ken Ken
QUICK Sudoku
PUB QUIZ
Fill the squares with numbers 1-6 so that each number appears once in each row and column. The number must also produce the result in the top left of each area – multiply, add up, subtract or divide. Numbers may be repeated within an area. Answer next week.
Complete grids with numbers 1 to 9 so each row, column and 3x3 block contains the numbers 1 to 9 used only once.
1 MOVIES: Which 2016 film stars Christian Bale as Dr Michael Burry, a hedge-fund investor in the 2008 banking crisis?
5 POLITICS: Which US Supreme Court Justice, who died in 2020, was nicknamed the Notorious R.B.G.?
9 WORDS: What is the meaning of the word obdurate? a) Stupid, b) Stubborn, c) Sturdy.
2 MUSIC: Which English songwriter released the albums Five Leaves Left, Bryter Layter, and Pink Moon?
6 LEISURE: Which tabletop game features the Power Nine set of cards, including the rare Black Lotus card?
10 BRITAIN: Opened in 1990, Meadowhall Shopping Centre sits on the outskirts of which English city?
win £100
TO ENTER: Text PRIZE followed by your answer (3 shaded squares read top to bottom), name and postcode to 65700. Texts cost £1 plus your standard network charge. Or call 0901 292 5088 and leave your answer and details. Calls cost £1 plus your telephone company’s network access charge. Entries will be accepted until 11.59pm on Friday. See today’s solutions panel for terms and conditions. Phone/text services Helpline: 0330 1000 601. March 12 winner: Richard Tyler, of Guildford, Surrey. This week’s solution will be published next week and the winner’s name on Sunday, April 23.
8
4
9 5 2 3 7 6 6 2 9 4 2 8 9 5 7 1 6 7 6 1 4 9 5 1 6 4 4 6 3 8 4 5 2 1
Find the familiar phrase, name or saying in the letters or symbols. Readers are invited to send in Dingbats to The Mail on Sunday, PO Box 3451, Norwich NR7 7NR. There is a £10 book token for each one published. Check out the website at dingbats.net. Answers on today’s solutions panel.
5
9 1 1
9
8
Can you work out what the initials stand for below? For example, 7 D of the W = 7 days of the week. Answers on today’s solutions panel.
1 J 4 is I D in the US 2 99 B Of B On The W 3 2 S of the S C
Brain Train
4 20 Q in a R of P 5 4 P M by SK 6 2 and 6 = H a C
1
7 6 2 4
9 5
2 2 4 1
–.. days of START= 78 –.. 13 +15 x 4 –29 ax sides triangle +66 in week A to B=
B to C=
7
5
6
3
658
STATION B
xV (Roman) – 368
x 16
x square –.. 22 +453 root of 81 –24
–.. 14
STATION C
–. octopus x itself +167 . legs – 39
x 23 +360
half a –.. 18 xdozen
bare bones
win a collins english dictionary and thesaurus set, and a bradford’s crossword solver’s dictionary Our Bare Bones Crossword is unique because you have to complete the grid – numbers and squares – as well. We have inserted four black squares and four clue numbers to get you going. The crossword has a four-way symmetry: both top and bottom and left and right match, so you can fill in 12 more squares straight away.
17
19
7 3 8
Run along our mental arithmetic train track to see how far you can get – and how long you take to get there! There are four station stops, A, B, C and D. You can start at A, B, or C and stop at B, C or D. From your chosen starting point, drive through the instructions to your destination. Write your answer at each stop, then start again with the first number after the station. Answers on today’s solutions panel.
17
12 POT LUCK: Luck Be A Lady and Sit Down, You’re Rockin’ The Boat are songs from which musical?
4
9
STATION A
8 HISTORY: On which remote Atlantic island did Napoleon Bonaparte die in 1821?
6
3
3
11 THIS YEAR: Margaret Lake, who died on March 9, aged 80, appeared on British TV from 1994 until 2000 under what stage name?
5
3
7 9 8
7 LITERATURE: Cloud 9, Top Girls, and Serious Money are works by which British playwright?
10
Hard
ditloids
9
4 SPORT: In which year did the US men’s ice hockey team defeat the USSR at the Lake Placid Winter Olympics in the ‘Miracle On Ice’?
1 7
4
3 TV & RADIO: Which 1980s TV series starred Stephanie Zimbalist as a PI and Pierce Brosnan as a former thief and conman?
5
4 3
5
4. From Ian Broadhead, Wakefield, W Yorks
6 2
9
5 3. From Lois Temel, Ryde, Isle of Wight
2
3
3
7 3
5 2
2. From Alan Riley, Bolton, Lancs
1 4
8
6 1. From Sarah Bennett, Havant, Hants
8
Medium
3
Dingbats
Answers on today’s solutions panel.
C to D= STATION D
RATINGS: Good – from A to B in 30 seconds. Very good – B to C in 30 seconds or A to C in 50 seconds. Excellent – C to D in 30 seconds, B to D in 50 seconds or A to D in 75 seconds. Outstanding – A to D in 60 seconds.
There is a prize of a Collins English Dictionary and Thesaurus set, and a Bradford’s Crossword Solver’s Dictionary. Send your solution to: Bare Bones Puzzle No 1093, The Mail on Sunday, PO Box 3451, Norwich NR7 7NR. Entries must arrive by Friday, April 7 (photocopies not accepted). The winner’s name will be published on April 23 from the first correct entry drawn. Winner of Bare Bones No 1090: Peter Seeley, of Nuneaton, Warwickshire. name ���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� address���������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� ����������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������������� postcode .....................................telephone����������������������������������������������������������
cross A 1 Sporadic son included as much as he can hold 5 Increase phosophorus in accountant’s brew 7 Hate makes sailor laugh to bitter end 10 Channel features nameless weakling 11 Small desire to rush 12 Easy to work around second dissertation 13 Paid to get comfortable on the day 15 Fear going round old ship 16 Stew ingredient gets a complaint 17 Some software in favour of weight
21 Hid a horse around part of America 22 New aim – leave as a friend 23 Overturned objection to container 24 Broken toes get healed, initially, in climate 25 One taking front off fireplace 26 Man taking traitor to be unpredictable Down 1 Turns toward the sound of steps 2 Fish found when waterproof sheets hung up 3 Developing a flat may be deadly
4 Done up with alcohol 5 Discard actors’ whisper (Two words) 6 Soldier on grid produces some writing 8 Rushing to develop giant hens 9 Cause for optimism, fabricating proof, yeah (Three words) 14 Label a game 17 Hippo is expected to have equilibrium 18 Animal less cold in the East End 19 Right to boot out a machine 20 Fellow in charge is showing wild excitement
gET PUZZLING!
April 2 • 2023 The Mail on Sunday
WORD SQUARE
MENTAL BLOCKS Fit the coloured blocks into the square without rotating or flipping them. The numbers covered by each block should add up to the totals in the circles. There should be no repeated numbers in a coloured block. Answer next week.
8 2 4 9 6
19
18
7 4 5 6 3 2 5 3 4 1
16
19
3 6 4 2 7
12
18
9 2 7 3 5
15
Try this mini-puzzle. Answers next week.
Bull’s eye
1
ACROSS 1 Sends out 2 Young soldier 3 French river 4 Got up 5 Set a time DOWN 1 Great success 2 New Zealand native 3 Characteristic style 4 Laconic 5 Horse
2
3
4
How many words of four or more letters can you make from the letters given? Letters may be used only once and the centre letter must be used in each word. At least one word uses all nine letters. No words with capital, hyphen or apostrophe, no verb forms ending in ‘s’ and no plurals ending in ‘s’. Answers next week.
5
2 3 4
Movie
Internet clips
Used to be
Minus
Moved
Drink chiller
Uses a broom
Register
In what way?
Unwell Corrosive liquid
Snow runner
Incompetent
White noise
Domestic pet
Teaching session
Stair
Region
Child’s toy
Fishing pole
13
Stopped briefly Lighting devices
Serpent
In that place Area of mown grass
5
Marry
1 Bird (11)
2 Country (5)
9 US state (7)
3 Listen (7)
10 Instrument (5)
4 High-flier (6)
11 Superman’s first
5 Spoil, rot (2,3)
17 21
23
24
10 25 11 27 15
Each line across and down is to be filled with the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5. The same number cannot occur more than once in any row or column. Your only clues are the numbers given and whether a number is larger (>) or smaller (